[quote=chukklehed]
Also not to criticize, but your third person could use some work. Not much, it's actually pretty good, but just a little tweaking.Like when you were giving feedback, instead of "She'd say it would benifit" You should have said "Noel would say". You should always indicate who is talking first, both because you might be talking about somebody else anyway and because it adds more to the effect than just replacing "I" with "She". Hope that helps.
[/quote]

I don't think I've ever seen anybody criticize another persons outside-RP habits. This is a first.

Wow, I bet you would have a field day with me.