His mind was racing for most of the trip back to the ranch house where he was staying. He'd been overcome with emotion, and let himself behave out of character. It wasn't so much that he viewed himself as such a saint, no, he wasn't under any illusions there. He was a killer, and there were no two ways about that. The 'gentleman' may have just even been a character he played, though he didn't like to believe that was the case, but he couldn't honestly tell anymore, whether the casual smile, or the intense stare, was his true face. But the one thing he could be certain of was that this wasn't how he behaved. And not only was it his conduct he was specifically unhappy with. Sure it was ungentlemanly of him, and very out of character. But more than that, it was dangerous. He was only still alive because he didn't connect to people like that. He operated independently, lived his own life, as his own man. His violent life did not damage anyone else that way, so he didn't have to carry the weight of anyone else's life on his shoulders. He carried enough burden, with the dark truth he concealed from so many, and the potential futures of the lives he'd ended. But with no attatchments, there wasn't the constant risk that overexposure could pose him. A safety he maintained by keeping a healthy space from other people.... But just then... with Beth...

He couldn't sleep for thinking back to that moment. He shouldn't have done that. Any of it. From telling her his story, showing his weakness... especially the kiss. No, he shouldn't have done any of that. But he didn't regret any of it either. It was odd, but he couldn't bring himself to regret that moment of connection. He wasn't proud of it, but perhaps it had been the only course of action at the moment. Maybe he had needed that. But now... how was he going to face what the morning brought. What was he going to do about Beth? Would she hold it against him? Or... Finally, his exhaustion overcame him and he slept.

But the morning came all too soon, and he rousted himself. It would still be an hour before he could make his way back to the tavern.