As if you need [i]more[/i] to read lol...

I'm so bummed out because it turns out the girl I mentioned in my last post smokes weed regularly, which is.. I don't know how I feel about it. I only found out last night when I went to her apartment and she and all her roommates were already high. She smokes every day apparently, it's part of her weekly finances, all her friends smoke and sell pot. I'm not a judgmental person, but I know I sound judgmental right now. I know that getting high isn't any worse than getting drunk, I know it's not some big, evil thing, or that everyone who smokes ends up wasting their life away, unmotivated, on the couch, only thinking about their next hit. A lot of people try it out while they're young and then stop, or it's just a social thing. It's not necessarily a gateway to more potent drugs. I mean, it [i]is[/i] illegal, but a lot of people treat it like a medication. It evens them out, they feel relaxed at the end of the day. It's probably gonna be legal in the US eventually anyway..

But...no matter how much I try to rationalize, I wish she didn't. I don't really like that sickly sweet smell. I could taste it on her mouth later too. I don't smoke cigarettes and I've never tried weed. Vapors or edibles seem like safer alternatives to smoking it, but I haven't tried taking it those ways either. I do want to try it sometime, but it won't ever become a habit for me. I've told my friends about this and they are literally half and half about the whole thing - some of them say, uh no of course it won't work out with you two, and the rest tell me to stop overthinking it, just go with the flow. She's really attractive. She's a few years older than me, which is different for me, I've never been with someone older. She wanted me to try it, but when she could see I wasn't interested she started talking about how she plans to cut back and make it an occasional thing. She says this to me while we're all entangled in each other on the couch, so of course I'm in the mood to believe anything she tells me. It wouldn't be bad as an occasional thing, I think. It's just that, it's not a part of my life at all. I don't care if other people do drugs, they can do whatever what they want, I don't care. And I don't even mind being with them when they smoke - everyone's really sociable and relaxed the entire time. So it's fine. Actually, I feel very conflicted about this whole thing. I can't tell what I want. I want her, but I don't want to smoke weed with her. I'm certainly not going to ask her to stop. I can't tell someone how to live, plus we just met! I like her a lot but I don't think we're compatible.