[i]Take things more seriously now? I thought I was taking things seriously.[/i] After a moment of thought, she concluded that the cat had been talking about its words. Well, perhaps its words held truth at times, but just because it had been truthful now didn’t mean it would be truthful later. Or perhaps it was referring to the warnings about her soul. Personally, such an abstract concept didn’t really bother her. So what if her soul flaked away into nothing? The thought wasn’t frightening to her. Frankly, she was attracted to the thought. Something about that situation seemed to offer a kind of peace, an eternal one. 

If she had a soul, then clearly there was something like an afterlife or another life, though she didn’t remember it. Maybe that was the real reason she didn’t remember anything. Unexpectedly, the thought of having a soul and an afterlife did not give her comfort or happiness. If anything, the idea did the exact opposite. Some part of her truly hated the idea of living on and risking hell. Life sucked, so why prolong it? Wasn’t a simple peaceful oblivion, an end to self and suffering, so much better? The reasoning behind these thoughts were unclear, but even without her memory, she still thought this way. She’d just woken up, found out she was a soul, was terrified out of her wits shortly after she woke up, ran like a fury into god knows where without a plan, chatted with a talking cat, and nearly died of exhaustion. If this was a life, she really didn’t need it.

Even worse, in this life, the best thing she had was this “oasis water” the cat talked about. The pinnacle of her current life would be drinking fresh water from a clear spring in some mountain somewhere. It sounded like an advertisement. Maybe that’s all this was. Regardless, this peace she felt was temporary, would not get any better than it had been a moment before, and was probably very valuable. All things came with a price, and she wondered what sort of hefty sum came with this. Nothing was free, so what did this cat want her to do? To some degree she slightly regretted drinking the water. Now she had a taste for it, a thirst for it, she would be doomed to running around searching for it and doing her best to get her hands on it. This process seemed familiar too, but well, it was too late. If it cleared her mind and calmed her down, there was no way she could stay away from it.

“A name…?” She thought about it. A name was something to identify a person, something to call them. What would her name be? What could her name be? Loss? Sorrow? No, those weren’t names. Serenity? The word “serenity” drew her, but at the same time, she was repelled by the thought that the name was not suitable for her. She was anything but serene. She was nameless, she was no one… perhaps nemo? The word supposedly meant “no one” in some old dead language, but it was apparently also the name of some orange and white fish from a movie. Immediately with that knowledge, the name was rejected.

She thought about her experiences since she awoke. Fear? Despair? Those were emotions, not names, so those were rejected as well. She thought about her thoughts, the conflicting desires she’d had from the start. The need for that terrifying creature known as a man, but also that overwhelming fear. Conflict? Fracture? Contradiction? Those still weren’t names. Confusion? Frustration? Exhaustion? She didn’t know any words that could mean that and be a name. Chaos? For some reason that left the impression of being a guy’s name. So, what was there to call her? Did it matter? In the end, a name was just a name, and thinking one up was too troublesome. Perhaps she’d leave it up to the cat? Then again, the cat might choose a terrible name. Perhaps it would be better if she thought up one herself. Well, it probably wouldn’t hurt to try to get some suggestions from the cat. 

“What do you think I should be called?” she asked. “—and can I choose neither?” She didn’t want to go to the oasis where the man was. She also did not want to go into the village where there was bound to be men. It’s not really like she had another option though. She didn’t know the land, didn’t know how to get around and survive here. The idea of going to the oasis with all that water tempted her, but the threat of the man’s presence was enough to give her some serious hesitation now that her need was satisfied. As for the village, she glanced down at her clothes. Well, she wasn’t interested in getting all those stares and possibly deal with the fallout from the womenfolk who would likely look down on her. Of course, that was only one excuse. Even if she had been well-dressed she would have felt ill-at-ease strolling into some strange town with a strange cat at her side when there could be men anywhere. The thought of being in unfamiliar locations with men made her anxious.