@Serinaty - I'm not the GM in this RP but I've been in more than a couple RPs with him before and we (mostly) agree when it comes to roleplaying matters. Anyways, onwards to the point. Some stuff you can do to clean up your CS. 

- Get rid of all of the unnecessary ellipses. An ellipse (...) every once in a while is fine when it's used to draw attention to a break in thoughts but it shouldn't be a replacement for basic sentence structures/conjunctions. 

-While we're on the topic of grammar, you have a shitload of run on sentences, especially in the last portion of your Personality profile. That's an easy and quick fix that'll vastly improve the readability of your character sheet. 

-Paragraphs. For the love of all things holy, use them. Walls of texts aren't fun to read. Look at Too Old 4 This's CS to see what I mean. But you need to bust up that wall you have to 2-4 individual paragraphs. 

-You're also missing a history section. Kind of vital. 

That's just the stuff I saw though. Super may have more or less critiques. It may seem like I'm just nitpicking with some of the stuff but your CS is representative to the amount of effort you put forth in a RP. When you post a messy CS, you will most likely also make messy and hard to read posts. 

I did like your character overall, I just think that she could be represented better with those few fixes. 

@Too Old 4 This - I really like your CS. There's some stuff I could nitpick but it's mostly minor issues not worth the bandwidth it'd take to fix them. Super may comment on how an enchanted Ebony dagger is a tad powerful when you combine it with the fact she's already an expert at stealth and master at conjuration and restoration. But that's really his call to make, not mine. 

Anyways, like I said, all of my edits have no real authority whatsoever. Me and Super just have very similar playstyles/expectations so I just pointed out stuff that might be worth to consider fixing before Super evaluates your CSes. I'll have my own CS posted later today most likely, and if not today then definitely tommorow.