She stared at the gift, her mask well in place. Underneath that calm, flat exterior she was in turmoil. She had no tools for this exchange and she felt the lack keenly. How should she respond to this unexpected gesture? She was uncertain and Nicki did not do well with uncertainty. It was a folly to expect the world to conform to certain expectations, she understood that intellectually, but her hopes were not rational and though she understood that, it did not make the situation any easier. She looked to the bottle and wondered if a smile would be correct? If so what level of smile? A grin was out, it would look more like a grimace than a grin and was not befitting her dignity. A small curve of lips felt too intimate with this clever eyed stranger who was grinning her own grin with an ease Nicki could never master. She was certain that no matter what smile she offered, the woman wouldn’t believe it in the end. 

She was no good at smiling, the expression pulled at her ruined cheek and reminded her of how litthe she had to smile about. It seemed the only smiles that came to her were one’s tricked from her by an unsettling man. 

She was spared a response by the woman standing and taking her leave. It was just as well, Nicki’s throat was tight with some unnamed emotion and her rising panic at not knowing how to respond in the given moment. She’d been too long without direction and control, adrift in the presence of The Captain, Jax and now the clever eyed lookout. It was too much. Manners slipped in where her uncertainty left her high and dry. 

“Thank you.” She called out sincerely if softly, to the retreating back of the woman. Likely she was growing uncomfortable in Nicki’s stiff company and the stale, vomit scented air of the cabin was making Nicki’s head spin. No wonder the woman fled. Nicki was not someone worth knowing, she was all prickles and stings and desperate scrambling for control she would never have. 

As the door shut behind the fleeing woman Nicki allowed herself to slide the offering towards her, running her fingers over the lovely bottle and its drops of dew. She touched too the lovely box that held it and then, with a resolute expression she closed the box, bowing her head over it her face a study in confusion. She stood and moved to a shelf holding her most prized books and the few fripperies she allotted herself. She slid the box up into the basket that held them and then ran her hand over her face in an effort to help smooth out her expression. She could not go back out there looking like this, but she could also not be long from her duties. She looked about at the small signs of chaos, the small signs of her indiscretion. An indiscretion that had led to her first willing kiss since Yàn. 

With her jaw set in a resolute expression she moved through her room in a blur of military precision, neatening things with years of practice. It wasn’t much, but it was just a taste of control, it was enough. When she left the cabin but a minute or two after Antonia her mask was more firmly in place and she almost believed that she had some control over her own life. Almost. It was a false peace, but it was all she was allowed. 

Spotting a crewman lazing about when he hadn’t finished his duties she almost smiled. It was a gift, this slip up. It gave her focus. She barked an order and the man jumped, startled by the bellow and began to move to his task with a satisfying haste. The first mate was back, sad, confused little Nicki could take a rest.