what you're doing with your life? I spent 4 years in college to earn my BSEd. Now that I've got it and am currently teaching, I'm starting to seriously question my choices. I feel like I chose to pursue teaching because I was convinced it was the only practical career skill I possessed. I spend all day secluded in a classroom winging my way through math and English lessons. All of my students are significantly below grade level, most have terrible home lives, and many could care less about school or a relationship with me. Although my faculty and staff are wonderful, they haven't had much time to swing by and see how I'm doing. Most don't even know who I am or what I do at the school. I go home on the weekends and do everything I can to avoid work. In doing so, work is constantly on my mind. I procrastinate and don't spend much of my time socializing or getting familiar with my new home. I am the type of person who thrives in the presence of people. I feel loved when I am appreciated and in the spotlight (in a sense). Right now, I wake up dreading my day. I come home and cry because I feel miserable and unhappy with my career. Teaching is something I may be good at, but it is not fulfilling me. 

I always dreamed of going to college in Alaska and studying marine biology. I had this whole fantasy to monitor orca whale sound waves and mating patterns and could recite my wishes on cue. My parents are very practical and money conscience people, God bless them, so when I got a full-ride scholarship to my home university that dream got swept under the rug. I gave up too easily and didn't fight for what I wanted because I was afraid of failure and disappointing my family. Now I harbor this regret in my heart that I feel is holding me back from a happy life. I know now that I chose the easy way out by pleasing other people, and I'm paying the price. I'm not meant to be a teacher, but now I don't know what to do. I've looked into summer internships working at aquariums and such, but reality clouds my vision. How am I going to afford my current lifestyle working in a minimum wage job? Will I even get to do the things I want to with the animals given my educational background and experience? What will my family think if I pursue this? 

*sigh*

Needless to say, I am severely struggling and confused. I'm going to spend more time in God's word and truly praying for Him to take my hand and lead me. A piece of me is missing, and I want to do everything I possibly can to let go of my doubts and find it. If anyone has any advice, connections, or encouragement for me I would so greatly appreciate it. 

<3&fluff
jagajac