[B][>]Nice hipster hat, you hipster.[/B]

You say to this complete stranger. You're quite the rude asshole, insulting someone's attire when you've only just met and have no idea who they are.

A broad smile spreads across the man's face and he leans forward in his chair. 

"Why, thank you, son, it does my heart good to know that some kids today still got a sense of style." He then flashes you the most awkward thumbs-up in the history of the universe. 

[center][img]http://imageshack.com/a/img856/2770/rbxh.png[/img][/center]

"I told Marie that I was still 'hip', wait until she hears this."

He seems to have mistaken your insulting lingo as a compliment. Oh well.

"Now then, let's get down to business. Son, I ain't sure what's going through your mind, but you are the most pathetic excuse for a Figment I ever saw." He says, gesturing in your direction.

You have no idea what he's talking about at first, but you quickly discover that you appear to not be your usual self. Well, not really appear. You're definitely not your usual self, since your usual self, the last time you checked in the mirror, was not a horribly drawn stick figure.

[center][img]http://imageshack.com/a/img36/8933/xcbs.png[/img][/center]

Well, that's new.

[]WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!
[]Inquire of the investigative impersonator about your pressing predicament.
[]Ask what the hell that weird thing is standing behind the bar.