[quote=Foster]
Stuff yourself as a scarecrow. Sit very, very, still.Also, for the weeks beforehand, have a decoy-scarecrow on the porch.Shit. Have living scarecrows on the mansion-grounds.The number of scarecrows that come 'alive' will be equal to half the age of the trick-or-treaters.And give at least one a pitchfork. A real one.
[/quote]

Genius. How could I not have thought of this? I will commence the operation. 

I'm going to scare those children to death. *evil laughter* And by scare them to death, I mean I'm going to get a pitchfork and stab through their tiny children's hearts.