I can understand the anxiety; the situation was a rattlesnake getting blown away, and that means that all sorts of things wound up associated with firearms for you.

I wouldn't feel embarrassed by the whole thing. 

On the other hand, you sound pretty determined to shoot, so maybe it's just a slow process. I know that I used to freak about getting blood drawn, and then I did a stay in the hospital. You sound determined to try to lick it, and you're making good progress...though if you don't ever want to touch a gun again, don't. My brother got over guns in a hurry after he got bit by the slide on my 1911A1 and wasn't too keen on it from then on.

Anyway, one possibility is a nice shooter's bench so you can sit. Like so.

[img]https://scontent-a-iad.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xaf1/v/t1.0-9/1003642_10152271686787080_1996462698_n.jpg?oh=298a254cbc77f9563186aa887ecfc517&oe=5522E017[/img]

(The rest of you can eat your hearts out; that's the Associated Gun Clubs range in Marriotsville, Maryland, one of the premier facilities on the East Coast. There's a reason people from other states come here to sight in their rifles and love to shoot here. As a member of the Baltimore Rifle Club, I have year long free access to this and many other ranges on the facility.)