Aside from the bad grammar and hard to understand way you wrote, I suspect it's your local health care is the reason you've struggled. In the town I live is a big bipolar community, I found this out about an hour ago actually as I have a close friend who suffers; I met her at the clinic I was at for my anxiety. Yes, I can understand it's hard but there are ways to get help. CBT is one. Medication is another. Coping strategies is one more. 

 
I know what it's like to not be able to get by some times. I have OCD, it's not bad but Ive been offered medication. I don't have to keep turning lights off and on again. But I do have to check locks, make sure my cats are inside the house. I have to make sure all the doors are shut tight. There are times when I bother my friends simply because their house needs cleaning. 

Living with a mental illness is hard. It's harder when you don't accept help. As soon as real help is found, the burden is lifted, not completely but enough. It's easy to think no one wants to help when in fact this isn't true. Millions of people want to help.  

One of the first things I would suggest is finding a local support group or group of people who meet and help each other through. You have type 1, from what I remember during a strange part of the ten different trips to doctors I had to take (they were certain I had psychosis and a few of them still are despite the fact I haven't hallucinated for nearly a year, not completely anyway) this means you're more balanced than type II which I believe is less manic and more depressive, I'd suggest getting to know others with bipolar and allowing them to support you.