[quote=@chukklehed]
Since you're confused, let me say it right out then.

I have never felt anything but affection towards you, not even when you were railing on me for being "an asshole". Not even now, in the middle of an argument, do I consider you anything less than a friend, and just because we might not always say it outloud, I'm sure almost everybody you know will never ignore you. The reason we get in fights, the reason I call you out on things, and the reason you do the same to me, is BECAUSE, not IN SPITE, of that friendship. That we can tell each other our honest opinions and still not hate each other afterwards is only a testament to that bond.
[/quote]

Ye. I know that, but something keeps making me forget about it all the time.

There's this strange paranoia I faced for quite a long time. Every time I ignored people, something bad happened. And I felt bad. And then I thought about doing bad things, and then I thought that I was a bad person. No, I don't want to be a bad person, so I do my best to not be a bad person. It's scary how I live a life where many of people I knew of just turned into another memory. Every time I say I'm going to a funeral, it's really happening. I'm scared that I'll stop caring about others, so I try to be as passionate as I can be. It's not right to raise my voice, but if I didn't do it, I fear that this stress I'm feeling would overwhelm me.

That's also why I'm constantly trying to shove a bunch of duties on you, I'll be honest. At any time, I could go out and never return, and I'll probably regret never speaking truthfully or listening to people's truthful opinions. I care about you all, I want to respect you all, and I have this weird standard where if I don't hear responses from what I say, I get really nervous. It's a strange and morbid trait I developed from this life of watching people have their lives end before mine.

Pardon me if I have offended anyone. I have only spoken my thoughts out truthfully and wished for better things, but I'm just not used to the environment I'm in right now. Hopefully I'll fit in, because I still do not plan on leaving anything I'm involved with right now.