[quote=@Earnest Evans]
With a mighty, hacking cough, Djedkare let fly a cloud of dust. Clearing his throat (a fruitless effort, considering the status of his esophagus), he began speaking in an altogether more different tone. 

"Yyyyyyoooou--*Hek! Cough!* sorry, excuse me, got dust in my lungs... As I was saying, yyyooou really need a new fashion planner, honey. Pardon me for intruding, but straight dark blues and blacks definitely don't go with such a bright red as your hair. Beyond that, the sheer amount of cloth used in your clothes will make it [i]hell[/i] for your servants! Take me, for example," Djedkare motioned to the simple cloth-and-gold headdress and loincloth combo he was wearing. "It's fashionable, it serves its purpose, and it's easy to clean! You new nobles and your fancy dresses don't know a damn about [i]proper[/i], functionate fashion!"


Djedkare looked around, seeing for the first time the mindless thralls and hangers-on around Avalai. After sizing the crowd up, he sniffed derisively and continued rambling.

"You'd do well not to have your servants about you at all times, you know? It slows work down to a halt, stresses the workers, and certainly doesn't build a rapport with them! Trust me, honey, your servants are [i]everything[/i]! Honestly, it's nouveau riche like you that make it difficult to find good help these days! Why, back in my day, you were expected to work [i]alongside[/i] them! The serfs, they'd say 'here comes Emperor Djedkare, the god who walks among men!' And they'd [i]mean it![/i] None of the brown-nosing posers I see with you would cut the mustard in [i]my[/i] day! You give a man his own salary and land, and you help him clean your own damn house, and he'll love you as much as he'd love his father! And another thing..."

Djedkare had inflicted Avalai with the worst possible curse... that of being forced to listen to an elder's complaints. The day-to-day tribulations of being an all-powerful vampire queen each day would be nothing compared to the fresh hell of being in the company of someone two-hundred generations out of date who has plenty of things to say. 

People say Mister Costello went insane from the shock of finding an undead king. The truth is that poor Costello was the first to be stricken by the dreaded Djedkare the Ornery.
[/quote]

The booze bottle still slowly flew towards the dude covered in paper towels, for some reason the beer bottle moved very slowly, like in slow motion, crossing his arms John doe told the mummy dude 

[b]You know, that beer bottle isn't going to hang around in the air forever[/b]

infact, the beer bottle was slowly and laws-of-psychics defyingly flying towards the dude who is wrapped in paper towels's face, slow as a snail, people look at it in awe, wondering how the heck the bronze bottle of joy is moving so slow