[quote=@zombieaccount] I see there has apps posted. I'll check them now. It's nice to see interest in being a Jovian admiral to try to keep order in the system. However, I recommend that you treat your history and biography like writing a story instead of using bullet points. For instance I don't have much idea on what the Battle of Themisto war like. The only reason I used bullet points in the OP was to summarize, hence why in the second post I have more detailed information on the major factions. And on the lore standpoint, each of the major solar powers all rival each other, this includes the Jovian Federation and the Unified Martian Protectorate. Having a Jovian admiral who studied at a martian university is equivalent to a american general going to a soviet university. I put myself to blame as I neglected to state that in the OP's lore section, but i've fixed that now. All in all, while this may try to be a harder sci-fi than most, I still want things to have story to them. I should note I haven't looked deeply at the military part of your app yet. [/quote] To conclude then, my app totally failed. Here are my responses to your criticisms: [b]Why would a Jovian Admiral be attending a university on Mars when the factions are rivals?[/b] I imagined that as this war has spanned centuries, there would have been times where the factions made diplomatic efforts towards each other. Perhaps in the form of educational exchanges, and other half-hearted good will gestures. It seems I was wrong in assuming this. A simple spam of the delete key will solve that however. [b]Write your history like a story, rather than summarising it with bullet points[/b] Experience has taught me that long winded bios are not always read by the player base, and are often a waste of time as a result. I use bullet points to make my characters accessible, so that people can look at my sheets and say "Oh okay, so that's what this guy is about". Not to mention, when I write stories, I can assure you my characters don't have a thousand word history attached to them before I've even put pen to paper. I understand your argument, but I feel in this case it's more of a culture clash than anything else. With regards to the Battle of Themisto, or the Siege of Europa, I just don't know if you want to read through a 10,000 word app describing these things that ultimately have zero impact on the story going forwards, or any of the other characters. [b]All in all, while this may try to be a harder sci-fi than most, I still want things to have story to them.[/b] My fleet and Admiral do, just in bullet point form. Sure it's not a wall of text, which I think is what you're asking for, but it tells people all they need to know. Battle Group Omega was the Jovian fourth fleet, became kinda famous after the Battle of Themisto against the Venusians, and then got destroyed a few decades later at the Siege of Europa. Then a few more decades later, it got reactivated as a peace keeping fleet. I don't understand how making the above into an essay will help the RP? ... so in conclusion, I do not think I'm the player this RP needs. I respectfully withdraw my app, and wish you all the best in doing so. Thanks for the writing exercise, I quite enjoyed designing Battle Group Omega. I think I'll store it away for a rainy day, maybe adapt it to another RP in the future. Take care !