When he kissed her, Anna's head spun and she kissed him back... feeling some of the strain she'd been under slip away. Though his words hurt, Gunner was right... Anna had been down on herself for a long time. She wasn't really sure when it had started... Actually, yes she was. When she let herself be compelled by Jace for so long... When she let herself fall into becoming his own personal blood bag... When she'd LIKED it. She'd known that the response to the bite wasn't something she could have controlled, she'd talked about it with Serena enough to know what addiction did to a person... It had torn Serena down but she'd fought her way back up... Anna couldn't help but feel that maybe Serena was stronger than her in that way. She'd had it much worse and she'd moved past the shame, Anna was still stuck on self-pity.

Then, she'd started getting better... thanks to Gunner... until she visited her mother. Anna, after that, had felt... dirty. She'd felt ashamed of HERSELF and maybe that's why she'd really run from Gunner. She didn't want him finding out... didn't feel like she deserved to be happy when all along her mother's drinking and blood whoring was... in a way... her fault. Her mother hadn't told her to hurt her, she'd told her as a cautionary tale when she'd seen the scar on Anna's neck. How would she have known how much the knowledge would affect her daughter... her usually strong tough daughter.... Anna was ashamed of breaking even further.

She took a breath, "I'm so sorry Gunner..." She was. She'd only been thinking about herself and here Gunner had been, running about with the knowledge that his mother had been found... a mother that had been turned Strigoi and that he'd planned to kill. "I should have been there for you... but you're right. I... I had something, have something, I've been trying to deal with. I know it's stupid..."

She shook her head and sighed, "I start to get better and then I make the wrong decisions all over again and I end up right back where I started... After Jace, everything went to hell. You were the only thing that helped and then... I went back to the commune."

Gunner had told her about his mother, it was her turn to tell him the truth. "Apparently, I'm a product of rape. My mother saw my scar and finally decided to tell me about my father as a way to warn me away from Moroi men... Let's just say... it wasn't a pretty story. He used her, then when she got pregnant he dropped her in a commune with nothing and took off. I felt dirty... I remembered all the times my mom went to bed crying when I was young or woke up with nightmares... I feel like I break everything I touch. Hell, I'm terrified to hug Serena."

She shrugged, "I don't know Gun... Somewhere along the way, I lost me... and I don't know how to get back. I'm so tired of being scared... I used to be so happy... I felt strong... you made me feel strong. I've been telling myself to suck it up but it's just not happening. I actually..." she sighed. "I actually talked to one of the nurses after our last falling out... about all of this... apparently I'm suffering from some stupid shit called post-traumatic stress something or other... basically just means I'm stuck on stupid over the shit with Jace and the news from my mom..." She laughed, "I always thought Seb was the one we'd have to watch out for... Now I'm the one with nightmares and panic attacks and... yeah."

She glanced at him, she felt like even though they'd gotten past he hate... she'd still lost him somehow. She knew better than to think everything would just suddenly be okay again. It would take time... but to be honest... She wasn't sure she'd ever be the way she was, didn't think she could fix herself or be the Anna he'd once loved... She knew she wasn't the same... The fact was that if he waited for her to be whole... she had no idea if that would ever happen. She didn't think they'd ever be the way they were...

"I'll do my best not to keep screwing up," she smiled tiredly. "Lets see if we can get out of here..."