[b]MY POST WILL BE UPDATED AS I FIND TIME, SO PLEASE KEEP CHECKING BACK AT IT.[/b]
This is my first time ever really writing formal critiques for people, and I'm likely to do a sucky job of it. Fair warning, everyone.
For lack of a better concise rating system, I turn to the six-trait rubric that I use in English class. My apologies, but... It actually seems quite useful. See below for an explanation of my thought process.
Ideas: Themes and the like. Supporting details. Did they paint a picture in my mind?
Organization: Did your story flow well? it's less concrete here than it is in English class, obviously, but, the main question is: Were the ideas enhanced or inhibited by the organization of the story?
Voice: Was the narration of your story consistent? Did it seem realistic, or like a robot talking in monotone?
Word Choice: How did your words enhance the story? Did they help to paint a picture in my head?
Sentence Fluency: Self-explanatory. Did your story or poem flow well?
Conventions: This one is a biggie. I find grammatical errors, when not used for effect, to absolutely irritate me.
Overall:
[hider=Based on Homesick]
Okay, I love this entry. It makes me want to cry, because the poem is so beautifully worded and so accurately conveys the themes within the song. A masterful job.
This being said, I only have a couple of small things that I noticed. I will be the first to tell you that I am, to some degree, a grammar Nazi. I know how hard it is, when writing under a deadline, to get your grammar perfect. But I feel that some of it detracts from the appearance of the poem. The apostrophe in "eye's" in the fourth line of the first stanza interrupts the flow of reading what is otherwise a very fluid poem. In addition, while I appreciate the effect of the dialect in the poem, it would be easier for the eyes to flow through if all of the "an"s (such as in stanza 1 line 2) were written as "and."
Still, these are such minor errors. I commend you on this excellent piece of writing. 
Ideas: This is such a beautiful piece. The details are very abstract, but they are most appealing.
Organization: Beautiful. I love the stanza divisions.
Voice: Absolutely realistic, intriguing, and very consistent. Well done.
Word Choice: Elegant, and suited to the meter of the song to which this poem was set.
Sentence Fluency: Well done on fluency between and within lines.
Conventions: A commendable effort, but may have been better, had you more time and a fresh set of eyes to proofread with.
Overall: A very excellent job, sir, or madam.
Also, I think that (though I am withholding judgement until I read all entries) I nominate this for Poetic Justice.
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[hider=Still Waiting]
People, seriously, are you trying to make me break down into a puddle of tears? This was just... wow. Reading it, I felt like I was there, that Alfie was mine to lose. Every part of this story, beautiful. Absolutely. An impeccable ending. I'm not sure what I'm crying more from, my excitement at reading this story or the emotional response it pulled from me.
Ideas: This is such a beautiful piece. Incredible theme, impeccable details.
Organization: Delicate and very free-form, in the form of flashbacks, but well-suited to the delicate, speculative nature of this story. Well done.
Voice: Refined, beautiful, and so expressive throughout. Absolutely impeccable.
Word Choice: Beautiful and well-suited to the floating delicate nature of this story.
Sentence Fluency: Impeccable. That is all I can say.
Conventions: See above. I caught no errors whatsoever.
Overall: I applaud you for this superb piece of writing. I think you may have my vote for the contest.
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[hider=Go West]
I really like this idea, it just... didn't quite ring with me. It is very creative and well-executed, don't get me wrong, but I just didn't really "click" with the story told by either the song or the story.
Ideas: This was a very fresh, very cool idea. Your supporting details are fabulous.
Organization: Impeccable.
Voice: The use of the first-person pronoun is very well-executed, but I think this was what turned me off to the story, simply because I am a kind of person who would never go to a club, and so hearing a story about it told presumably "by" myself kind of was a little unnerving.
Word Choice: Wonderful, very accurately capturing the modern feel of the story and song.
Sentence Fluency: Fabulous. See "Word Choice."
Conventions: A commendable effort, but there are several punctuation and capitalization errors that detract from the flow of the story, that made me go through and stop and read the line again. There are just a couple, and it's not a huge deal. I just am a terrible stickler on grammar.
Overall: A fresh idea, and a very well-executed one. I did not really feel myself in the story but I still commend your writing abilities.
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[hider=It Watches]
So, this one. I absolutely love the poem. It seems a whole lot gentler than the song, however (Which caused such a headache for me that I only made it about 2 minutes before I bailed from listening) 
Ideas: Very interesting perspective, and very interesting take on the world. It made me think, and I mean that in a good way.
Organization: Free-form, but vaguely chronological. Well done. Such a free-floating organization is well-suited to pieces that are as speculative as this one is.
Voice: Although there isn't really a clear narrator, I get the sense of an omniscient being telling this story with kind of a sad expression on his face. Maybe even an omniscient narrator who's very young, like a seer child or something (referring to the "bad things" in such a way makes me think a child) Excellent job. This is the only story I've read where I've been able to visualize the narrator so clearly.
Word Choice: I LOVE the words you've used and the descriptions you've done here. Adding to the sense of the omniscient narrator, totally. I love, love LOVE the word indignancy, even though according to Merriam-Webster's website it is archaic. Which again adds to the perspective of the ageless narrator.
Sentence Fluency: Beautiful. I love the anticipation created by the two lines ending in the "ee" sound in the second stanza. Hypocrisy, Indignancy. I can't explain it, but it urges the reader to speed up in the reading for the last two stanzas.
Conventions: Beautiful. There are a couple of commas at the end of lines where I don't think there should be commas, but other than that, there's nothing else I can see.
Overall: Fantastic job. Even though I didn't like the song, I liked the story you created from that song. I commend you.
Also, I think that I would nominate this piece for the George Co-Stanza award, for the final three lines. I don't know yet, though, so hold that thought.
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