[h3]The Spandez Conquest Hour is brought to you by...[/h3]

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[h2]Video Star[/h2]
[i]And generous donations from viewers like you.[/i]

"Aaaaand, we're back! Last time we checked, fan favorite Pterrordactyl was chasing down some of the savage's children! He managed to find them at a primitive medical facility, and is currently poised to QUADRUPLE HIS WINNINGS! This is the kind of performance you only get with the legendary Master of Menace, the Wings of Woe, the Aerial Asshole! Let's see how our favorite contestant is doing today!"
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[h2]Coast City General Hospital[/h2]
Timmy was pinned under a pile of bricks, the room's door barred and preventing doctors from coming in. Pterrordactyl held the boy's parents by the throat.

"You see, Timmy, there's this test explorers do to measure gravity on a planet. Each planet has a gravitational constant, which determines the acceleration of falling objects... barring wind resistance. So you drop objects from a great, pre-measured height and see how long it takes them to hit the ground..."

Pterrordactyl began walking to the window he'd broken, looking between the boy's parents. He turned to Timmy, who was shaking like a leaf and trying to move the bricks off his arms.

"...But I guess that can wait, Timmy. You don't look very excited to learn about gravity. Maybe I can help. I know JUST what makes everything exciting!"

The alien made his way over to the cabinet where medical supplies were stored and grabbed a syringe, filling it with adrenaline. Timmy's father came up behind the alien, wincing in pain as he walked on his cast... only to be backhanded by Pterrordactyl's arm and have a bag of bricks poured out onto him as well.

"Honestly, getting in the way of a child's education! Nothing more despicable. Now then! Time for shots. I understand they make you all big and strong and shit."

With that, Pterrordactyl jammed the syringe into Timmy's veins. He grabbed the boy in his feet and flew out one of the unbroken windows to get the kid's blood pumping.

"NOW, TIME TO GET EXCITED ABOUT LEARNING!"

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[h2]Video Star[/h2]

"Pterrordactyl folks! Always thinking about the children."