[@Ink Blood] Sorry about the delay, life yadda yadda yadda. >___>

Anyway, we've been chatting off-site about some stuff. Overall it looks good but we just have some stuff we'd need tweaked. ^^

Personally, I'm not a huge fan of a rich kid without parents (who aren't around/dead/etc) but I'll let it slide since we're already behind schedule. Though him graduating high school early (at least in Japan) isn't really an easy feat and then he works with computers later on...the Gvn wouldn't want anyone who is too tech savvy in their pocket since then they'd be more skilled to turn the tables if they ever wanted to you know? I'm not asking that to change but just expressing some food for thought.

What we're looking to be tweaked is the weapon and the personality.

The weapon is good. We're all (us GMs) happy to have a defensive player on our crew but we need more details. I think 10 walls is a bit too much, I think something like 4-5 would be more believable. We're also unconvinced that just relying on concentrating isn't worthy of explanation. We're looking for specifics like density and height and width and flexibility. We've also wondered if it's possible for them to only be implemented with Oculus maintaining physical contact or needing to be within say, five feet of their origin. Most walls would fall after so many hits and we're wondering what their limit/weakness is.

So we'd need more information there.

Lastly/secondly is the personalty.

You're writing for Oculus when you should be writing for Harper.

Oh crap, is he born in Japan? Because he needs to be at least born in Japan to be considered a candidate for a Corrector, like how a President has to have been born in the USA, governments wouldn't want to trust non-natives with their security ya know? So you may need to tweak that.

Ahem back to the personality!

We think some of the word choices are a little poor and a concern:

Claiming to be calm but then paranoid is pretty contradictory. And if his focus is very important, I don't see his defenses very strong if he's constantly worried and under pressure. "Paranoia" is a very strong word, something that would deter the Gvn from even hiring Harper if he may need to be medicated. 

Obsessive almost makes me wonder about OCD, which is again, a red flag for a Gvn who is investing a lot of money and time into those they hire to protect the DgtWld. 

Then there's "open minded" and "reading people" which again, aren't really traits or adjectives per say. We think other words might be better like: skeptical, cautious, observant, protective, laid back, critical (of say his own performance on the team?) or maybe even shy or timid since he picked such a defensive skill, he clearly doesn't have a lot of guts or courage so maybe his passion is helping people? Just some thoughts that may you could put it into his history (if you like) that he wanted to help people or save them from say the loneliness he may have suffered as a child. I just mean, if you're gonna play the rich kid, you may as well do something good with it and use it to your advantage as opposed to using it like some emotional scar.

Does that make sense? If you can change some of the words of Harper's personality and give us more insight into his walls and maybe how or why he still can't trust people even after two years? That's something that we can't really go along with. If he's antisocial or really that skittish, I don't see him as having made it two years without being fired, after all a team needs to be strong, sure with weaknesses, but they need to at least talk to each other and form some kind of bond, they are doing secret dangerous shit and that tends to bond people together pretty quick I think. ^^