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[color=a187be]"Good afternoon, Mister Jefferson,"[/color] I say at the doorstep, extending a rubber-gloved hand in greeting.  [color=a187be]"Rachel Roth, of Roth and Anders Paranormal Investigations, at your service.  I understand you have a potentially dangerous situation involving your daughter?"[/color]

[color=39b54a]"Oh, thank goodness, yes!"[/color] he says, shaking my hand and practically yanking me inside.  [color=39b54a]"I'm amazed you were able to come out here so quickly.  But yes, it's Amanda.  She's......she's not well.  We moved in about a year ago and I think....I think there's something [i]wrong[/i] with this place....."[/color]

Looking around the living room, I see little out of the ordinary.  Ugly green sofa, coral blue carpet, white walls adorned with family photos, a bookcase filled half with 'inspirational' fluff and half with books about World War II.  A coffee table covered in magazines.  A television with too many remote controls.

Upstairs, I hear a loud [i]thump[/i] and a pained howl.

[color=39b54a]"She keeps saying there's something inside of her, something that's....making her do things,"[/color] Mister Jefferson says in a worried voice.  [color=39b54a]"Ever since we've moved in, there have been weird sounds, things moving where they weren't before....and it's only gotten worse in the last few months.  Melissa and I, we've always been skeptical about religion, but......I don't know.....I think there might be something here.  My little girl.....I think she's....possessed....."[/color]

[color=a187be]"Well, you called the right person for the job,"[/color] I say, pulling my hair back into a tight ponytail in the back, and then reaching into the pockets of my thick denim coveralls for a pair of safety goggles and a hair net.  [color=a187be]"If there's any kind of malevolent entity in this house, I'll be able to find it, identify it, and get rid of it."[/color]

My heavy work boots make a loud clunking noise as I make my way up the stairs.

[color=39b54a]"I, er, I can't help but notice.....erm, your outfit...."[/color] Mister Jefferson stammers.

[color=a187be]"Believe me, I've handled my fair share of demons,"[/color] I assure him.  [color=a187be]"If this goes anything like my last job, you're going to wish you'd put on some gloves and some old clothes, too.  Demons tend to be very....[i]biological[/i], when it comes to resisting exorcism."[/color]

[color=39b54a]"You don't say....."[/color]

We reach Amanda's room, and I open the door.  Inside, a girl about the age of fourteen is writhing painfully on her bed.  She's shouting and snarling, and screaming as her joints pop and her body contorts.  It's all very hard to watch.

Still, I've got a job to do, and the first part of that job is finding out exactly what I'm dealing with.

I spend the next few minutes examining the supposed victim, monitoring her breathing, getting her heart rate, seeing how she reacts to various herbs and holy symbols (one of the reasons I'm wearing rubber gloves, in fact-- I can't touch the things myself), before looking her square in the eye and noticing the movement.

[color=a187be]"She's an epileptic,"[/color] I conclude.  [color=a187be]"She needs to be taken to the hospital and treated there.  I'm sorry that you've wasted your time, but there doesn't seem to be any demon here, Mister Je--"[/color]

And then Mister Jefferson bursts into a swarm of spiders.  Amanda screams as thousands of menacing little black-and-yellow arachnids scurry across the room.  The door slams shut, and the room fills with a sickening stench as hot feces begins to splatter down from the ceiling.

[color=ed1c24]THE CHILD IS OURRSSSSSSSSSSS......[/color] the spiders hiss in unison.

I sigh with annoyance as it splats on my hairnet and stains the thick flannel shirt under my coveralls.

[color=a187be]"Never an easy day on the job, is it?"[/color] I say, pulling out my cell phone and making the call.  [color=a187be]"I'm going to need an extraction on the Perez Street job.  Little girl, having an epileptic seizure.  Second floor, window on the right side."[/color]

[color=c4df9b][i]"I hear and understand,"[/i][/color] she says on the other end of the line.  [color=c4df9b][i]"I will be there presently."[/i][/color]

[color=ed1c24]NO ONE CAN SSSSSSAVE YOU, EXORCIST........[/color] the spiders taunt.  [color=ed1c24]WE SSSHHHHALL DEVOUR YOUR SSSSSSOUL.....[/color]

[color=a187be]"Cute,"[/color] I say with annoyance, searching through my case of herbs for the right combination of ingredients.  [color=a187be]"You'll forgive me if I don't start shaking and wetting my pants just yet-- you're hardly the first swarm from the Plateau of Leng that I've dealt with."[/color]

[color=ed1c24]WE ARE LEGION, LITTLE GIRL.....[/color] They spout out, spraying the room with ropes of dripping, mucous-covered webbing from orifices that look nothing like spinnerets.  [color=ed1c24]WHAT CAN ONE LONE WITCH HOPE TO DO AGAINST USSSSS?[/color]

[color=a187be]"First of all,"[/color] I say, glancing to the window to see a glowing green light racing towards us, [color=a187be]"I'm not alone."[/color]

The window crashes inward, and the spiders are sent flying by a spray of neon-green bolts of plasma.  Starfire doesn't so much enter the room as she does flow through it, with a natural grace that would put lifelong ballerinas to shame.  Every spin to avoid the demonic vermin, every retaliatory star-bolt splattering an attacking spider, every swoop and whirl to dodge falling splatters of fecal matter from the ceiling, is done with such ease and precision that you'd almost believe she was from the other side of the supernatural spectrum.  You'd be wrong, though-- Kory's much less annoying than an actual angel.

[color=c4df9b]"I apologize for my lateness, friend Raven,"[/color] she says, casually blasting another clutch of spiders.  [color=c4df9b]"However, it appears together, we may have this battle won!"[/color]

[color=a187be]"Not quite,"[/color] I say, looking at the piles of half-charred gore strewn across the room as they begin to quiver and move.  [color=a187be]"These are Leng spiders, and can't be completely destroyed by normal means.  Blowing them up is just going to make them angrier."[/color]

Indeed, the bits and chunks of spiders begin to knit themselves back together, even worse than they were before.  Some of them are nearly the size of a small dog now.  Some have eyes on stalks, or pincers and scorpion-like stingers, some have over a dozen legs.  The more they stay out in the open, the more [i]wrong[/i] they get.

[color=a187be]"Get the girl to safety,"[/color] I tell my partner.  [color=a187be]"I've got the swarm."[/color]

[color=c4df9b]"I hear and understand,"[/color] Starfire says, scooping the suffering girl into her arms.  [color=c4df9b]"I shall take her to the nearest emergency ward.  And then I shall return to the office and await news of your glorious triumph!"[/color]

As Star leaves with the girl, several of the spiders try to leap up after her through the window.  They slam into an invisible wall in the air, then fall twitching to the floor.

[color=a187be]"I made sure to surround the house in a circle of salt before coming in,"[/color] I explain, taking from my case a pinch of mugwort, mixing it with some vetivert and a healthy amount of agrimony.  [color=a187be]"Nothing from the other side gets in or out of the house unless I say so.  It's just you and me now."[/color]

[color=ed1c24]YOU HAVE LOSSST YOUR ADVANTAGE.....[/color] the spiders hiss, leaping and clawing at me as I duck and dodge them.  From my knapsack I pull a small egg-shaped plastic appliance and put the various herbs in it-- normally I'd use a proper mortar and pestle, but in a pinch, one of these compact food-processors will do.  [color=ed1c24]YOUR ALLY IS GONE, AND YOU ARE BUT A LOWLY WITCH AGAINSSST A HORDE OF LENG.....[/color]

[color=a187be]"About that,"[/color] I say, pressing down on the egg-shaped blender to start the motor.  It whirs and shakes in my hands as I mix the potion together.  [color=a187be]"When Trigon sent you into the mortal plane to spring this trap....he didn't tell you who you were trapping, did he?"[/color]

[color=ed1c24]IT MATTERSSSS NOT, FOR WE--[/color]

[color=a187be]"Look in my eyes."[/color]

The spiders stop their assault, and a single, basketball-sized spider with half of its legs transformed into a vague approximation of a human hand and a single compound eye lowers down from the dung-dripping ceiling.  It looks me in the eye for a moment, and at once the spiders speak in unison.

[color=ed1c24].....OH SSSHHHHHI--[/color]

[color=a187be]"Tell Dad I said hi,"[/color] I say, throwing the blender full of potion into the heart of the swarm.  The concoction explodes, filling the room with noxious green smoke and the ear-piercing screams of thousands of hell-spawn arachnids.

I quickly tuck my face down and cover my nose and mouth with my flannel shirt as the oily smoke rolls over me.  The potion won't banish me like it does to the spiders, but it's still incredibly unpleasant-- like cutting onions that are filled with tear gas.

After a minute or so, the smoke clears, and the Leng spiders are gone.  I reach into my case for a piece of chalk, a candle, and a quartz crystal, and I draw a pentagram seal in the center of the room, carrying out a short ritual to close off the portal between this world and my father's infernal realm.

I inspect the rest of the house to be sure that it's completely clear, and I eventually find the girl's parents, hung upside down by spider-webs in the basement.  I pull them down, explain that their daughter is in good hands, and then go over Roth and Anders' very reasonable payment plans for the job.

I don't know why Trigon is sending minor peons like Leng spiders into my city, without even telling them they're going up against [i]me[/i].  Maybe he's probing my defenses for some avenue of attack.  Maybe he's trying to keep me distracted while he carries out something worse.  Or maybe he's just taking pot-shots at me to keep from getting bored.

As I step out into the fresh air of Jump City, half-covered in demonic spider-webs and splatters of sewage, there's one thing I know for certain.

[color=a187be]"I could really use a shower."[/color]