Ya'll are terrible at this. The first clue leads to the [color=#ffc300]test forum[/color], good luck from there because I will provide no more freebies. Also you tried to click that, good job pleb. <3

[@Lightning Fast] Alex is in a mental state that I was once in, so though you may not understand all I try to convey it as best as possible. (Btw I am fine now). I've learned that I am an Empath, I pick up on other people's emotions and vibes very easily and they affect me a great deal sometimes; this makes it very difficult to understand my own emotions, and to decipher them from reality or empathy. Alex spent months in a state of anger that slowly grew into uncontrollable rage, which you see in the IC. Now she's in more of a mental shock. What's real? What's not real? What should she feel? It's an emotional turmoil inside her mind, she still feels emotions, but also apathy. The road she is being led down (through world, character, and event interaction to which I base most of that off of what you all do in the world) is in a state of dissociative emotions. She doesn't always process immediately, or feel the way other people do about certain things.

Let me explain just a bit, I have dissociative sadness. When my great aunt, who I was close to died, I never cried, I didn't feel sad, I didn't feel anything, I went on with my routine without a hitch. Same thing with my great great grandmother "Ma", though I loved her very much. I cried immediately for a dog whom I had for a few years, but only once, and for a brief period. When the grandmother who raised me my entire life, expanded my horizons beyond what was "normal", laughed with me and pulled pranks on my mom together, made a "bone" garden with me (various animal skulls, spines, and assorted bones) died I felt nothing. It wasn't until 2 months later that I finally cried and broke down.

So Alex is kind of in that place right now, she's not entirely sure what's what, or how to feel about them, if at all. She's halfway between full dissociative disorder or an emotional break down. (Something akin to the 'truck' scene when she almost ran over Evelina). She's trying to find herself, but where does one begin when they never truly knew who they were? On top of being a slave to people until she brutally murdered them (after they murdered her father, which she has zero knowledge of who that armored man was) or being a slave to your desire to have purpose and become hooked on a rumor that was but a thought once, blinding yourself and devoting everything to this purpose that you have self manifested into an external reality?

[@Darcs] I am seriously about to change my guild title to "The Bartender".




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[quote=@Monochromatic Rainbow]



[h3]Ĥ̴̴̡̦͚̙̩͚̣̝̠͕́̌ͣ̏̓͠͞E̢̙͈̹̹̖͙͍̱̫̾̍ͫ̔̿̎́͆͌ͣ́̇̀̑ͥ̀ ͑̃̈ͯͧ͑̑ͭ̀́͋̉ͪͤͪ̐ͩ͏̷̩͙̞͓̤̦̯̩̭̝͓̜̞̕ͅC̛̖͉̝̫ͣ̎̀͛͑͐̕O͋̏̀͑̓͆̈́̂̾͐ͭ͋̈́̔͌́̽̑͗͠͝͞҉̮̱̗͍M̧̧̨̢̛̮̖̤̗̮̖̬̺̻̮͈̼̓̎̓͌͂ͅȨ͉̞͙̂ͭ̈̾ͮ̓͆̿Š̔͂̔҉͉̥͕͕͙̬̱͉̲̫̗̥͖̯̬͢ͅͅ[/h3]
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I have arrived. 
T̛͈͙͓̀ͯḥ̷͈̮̗̥̰̉ͅȁ̶̹̞̯ͥ͜ͅͅn̸͍̳͚͎̘̞̅͂͑̿͐̇̂̅̚k̨͔̹̯͍͇̠̹̔ ̷̜̋͂͆̒̔̓̕ỵ̶̜̬̗͙̫͛̇͊̊ͬ̍ͯͯ̍ő̘͔̗̳ͥ͘u̶̘͇͉̹̖͎͍͐̓̀ͨ̋