and now that I have a minute, recapturing some of the discussions you guys tried to start:

[quote=@WiseDragonGirl]
[@mdk] You're correct with the assumption that this story was mainly about the dialogue. I didn't use that MacGuffin deliberately, because I didn't even know about that (so thanks for the link), but if I had known about I probably would have used it deliberately. There is a lack of conflict and change, I know, that was on purpose. I merely wanted to explore the idea of ultimate power and the power of placebo's. I often thought during writing that it was too bad there was no bonus category for writing about power and have absolutely nothing exciting happen whatsoever. I probably would have won that...

Now, about the extraneous thoughts, I kinda understand what you mean by that (after I looked the term up real quick), but I don't understand the relation to the example you presented. If you could elaborate just a bit on that, that would be great. I see how I could have cut it in two sentences and the last comma was probably unneeded, but did that fall under the extraneous thought? Because to me it was simply describing Andy's uncommon attire, which came back during the conversation with Jack. So I don't really get what I did wrong there (aside from what I already mentioned).

I hope it wasn't as much as a comma-infestation as it was with the first labour, because I did try to do better with that this time.
[/quote]

The one I quoted about cookie monster probably wasn't the best example, I'll admit. What I meant to be driving at was, there's a limit to how much description is needed to get the point across -- if for instance you'd written "A cookie monster shirt, with three hairs poking out the top of his head, and the caption "Cookies!!" with giant exclamation points in comic-sans font in red lettering with white outlines and he's holding four cookies and three of them already have bites out, and they're chocolate chip, which is Andy's favorite flavor and that's why he likes the shirt." Nobody writes that because that's ridiculous. Nobody writes "Some stupid T-shirt," either, because that communicates almost nothing. [i]Somewhere between those extremes[/i], there's a a balance -- not a 'perfect balance' or a 'correct balance,' or anything like that, but a balance. What I meant to say is, over the whole story, it feels like you tended more towards giving more than was necessary, and maybe a little less would flow better. Truth is though, whatever you decide is enough, that's the only rule that matters. It's just something to think about as you're writing -- as long as your level of detail is a conscious decision, it's never wrong.

[quote=@Ellri]
[@mdk] That review was very nice. We'll have to look it up again when we do start working on finishing Enhanced, as it provided some [i]very[/i] good tips.
[/quote]

hooray, validation! Do finish it.



......huh, I thought there were more. Well this double-post is unnecessary, innit?