[@t2wave] I think where I'm getting confused with your post is it is unclear which Point of View we're in. I have found that this is often a problem with collab posts that aren't in one strict POV. Don't get me wrong it can be done in such a way that it flows well. In this particular case a lot of the issue comes with the pronouns. There are two females, which is bound to happen a lot in this rp. I have found it easier to read, and even write collab posts in a single POV. If you have to write it in two (or more) there needs to be some clear definition of when the POV switches. Or a bit more distancing between the current POV and the person they are looking at. Even a line between the two characters would help.