[@SimplyJohn][@Pripovednik]

(NOTE: It's very important that you read the following speech in a grating, high-pitched cockney accent.)

It was at that moment that the Tavern door burst open, with a pulse of blue energy, at which point the creaky wooden door swung towards the wall and rebounded against it with a loud bang.

"I 'ave come!! I- oi, wot the bloody-" The voice of a dimunitive creature called out as the door swung back into his face. Though it evidently didn't manage to knock him over, it certainly ruined his entrance.

The dimunitive creature decided to heft the door open naturally that time, revealing himself in full; a rather short and stout Goblin-like creature in a spiffy cobbled-together suit, and a top hat worn in a vain attempt to look taller than he is. He grandiosely threw his free hand in the air, thumping his crystal staff on the floor with the other, and even more grandiosely bore his sharpened teeth to the patrons of the tavern.

"Ahem... I 'ave COME!! Yes, me!! Bestaff, King o' de 'Obbes!! Who's da baddest, toughest, smartest, tallest, most mature an' grown-up Wizard-king in da 'ole bloody world?!"

In response to that rhetorical question, he briefly put on an obnoxious high-pitched voice (umm... more so than his regular voice) and said "Oh, I dunno, is it da First Archon?! WRONG!!" He continued, resuming his regular voice and striding forward... as much as he could, what with his girth. "...It's ME!! King Bestaff!"

It was then he noticed the poor sod lying on the floor, who looked like he was even shorter than him. It was difficult to tell, of course, since he was lying down, trapped underneath a huge stool. What kind of heartless bastard makes stools that big, anyway?

But it was of no concern to the diminutive monarch. Summoning his royal authority, he proceeded to jump on top of the man's upper torso, then stepping up to the stool he was trapped under, and finally hopping up to the stool standing next to him.

"Much 'ppreciated, peasant." He thanked the poor sod in a backhanded fashion, before impatiently fidgeting about on his brand new stool.

"'Ey, Landlord!" He shouted out, banging his staff on the bar, causing great 'BWONG' noises to reverberate throughout the building. 

"I've come for a glass o' BEER! 'Cuz only real grown-up men drink Beer, yeah? Well, I'm a real grown-up man now, so I want some!"