[quote=@McHaggis]
(I should [i]really[/i] put something of mine up. Feels bad doing the constructive criticism with none of the actual receiving it.)

[@VATROU]
First of all, a disclaimer: I have no experience with Fallout and so I'm just assuming everything on that front is correct ^^
I liked this, for as much as someone who doesn't know anything about the universe can, and my confusion stemmed mostly from my own lack of knowledge. I'm thinking the hook was the ships/initials on the shoulder was the hook? If so it was well placed. I also think the characters shone through with distinct personalities – especially Jonathan and Claire. 

The only criticism I feel comfortable giving (as I literally know nothing) is to avoid the exposition at the beginning and spread it throughout the whole piece so far. It seems like too sharp a jump to go from paragraph one of exposition into paragraph two, which is on a small scale location. 

Secondly, I think perhaps North's speech at the beginning could be split up rather than be in one blocky paragraph. Perhaps describing the gestures, tone of voice, etc, at one point, or moving how the recruits react to it up and [i]into[/i] when he's saying the speech might help with that and make it a little more clear and give it the illusion of length. I think the speech itself was well-written, though.

[/quote]

Technically everything so far regarding my story's setting is neither correct nor incorrect. As it takes place in a fictional setting of my own design. Yes it takes place in the Fallout Universe, but Alaska has almost no precedence save for what is establish Pre-War as in the Great War which ended most life on Earth and set the tone of the franchise. I agree with you on North's speech, I need to work on more nuanced background behaviors. I tend to find articulating different background noises so to speak difficult, as I can't find the words used to describe gestures or sometimes tone. I'm trying to get better and I hope over the course of my Fan Fiction I will improve on those facets.

As for the exposition. I partially agree with you. It would have been more immersive to spread it out, perhaps with the soldier's dialogue. But I also wanted to give a time frame about important events right away so there would be less guessing as to where and when the story takes place. 

I am highly grateful for your criticism.