Because I've had to fight to stay alive. I could have let go and I didn't. I was delirious and in pain, starving to death because my digestive system shut down. I spent a month in a hospital and came out the other end stronger for it. There were times when I wanted to weep, but I didn't want to end it.

So no, I can't say I can even pretend that I've had suicidal moments. The best I can say is that everyone else has shit in their lives and while those lives may not be ideal, they're the only one you get. A religious person will disagree, but I'm giving my view on it.

Maybe toward the end of my life I'll want the Big Shot, the spike in my vein that lets me flat away in a sea of narcotic warmth, but I'm far from there right now.

Anyway, good luck with it, but don't think that your family and friends will be better off without you. Suicide causes pain for those left behind. I'm glad you're still here.