Mattie had noticed that Nicholas' eyes had gone shiny with tears, and she found herself wishing that she hadn't mentioned the hippie who kept goats. She had hoped that it would lighten the mood a little, but instead it just seemed to have dug memories out of him. Frowning, she looked ahead and pretended not to have noticed his emotional distress. It would only make things tense to try and get something out of him, and she also figured that she'd fall quickly out of his favor if she made him cry. 

When he told her to stay there, she started, "Maybe you shouldn't..." but she faltered, as he'd already started toward the house. Every part of her being screamed at her that this was just [i]wrong[/i] and disastrous... She held Cole, her arms tightening around him as Nicholas kicked the door in, and tried to swallow down the dread that was coming up. [i]He knows what he's doing,[/i] she told herself, but then the other half of herself replied: [i]Yeah, and he led you straight into a warehouse with two infected.[/i] 

When Mattie heard him screaming, it only confirmed her fears. God damn it, she thought bitterly, she'd only wanted to come so they could milk the goat, maybe take it with them. She didn't know what to do. She couldn't just charge in and play the hero like she'd done to an extent in the warehouse. Not with a baby clutched in her arms. She also didn't want to leave Cole out here in the chilly air, with only a goat for company. Her breath caught in her throat; what to do? He could already be dead, she thought with horror as the faint sound of a yelled swear filtered out of the doorway. 

[i]Assume he's dead,[/i] said the practical side of her. [i]If he isn't yet, he will be soon. Get going. Farther into the country. Find a nice farmhouse, clear it out and make it home.[/i] But she didn't want to leave him behind, after he'd been kind enough to give her supplies. 

Tentatively, she called, "Nicholas? Can you hear me?" while Cole wailed softly. A chill went down her spine. [i]I'm on my own again, aren't I?[/i] She looked from the goat to the broken-down front door and started to back away. [i]On my own with a baby. I've never even--! I didn't ask for this![/i]