Jake had finally drank the last of his case and he would have gone to get more if it weren't for the fact he couldn't stand or walk straight he lit up the last cig in his second pack and he sat there thinking about what all went on tonight.To be honest allot of it was blurry all he remembered was arty...shots girl....nori and....shit.He remembered the white Russian he had dumped on Ryva he kinda chuckled at it but thinking it over in his head he remembered hearing nori say it was fine or something like that maybe Ryva was just trying to give arty space that's what he did....and a bit more.He ducked his head in his arms thinking how much more of a douche they all thought he was,maybe he should apologize but how he wasn't very good at talking to people and yeah she'd probably be at club lush again given she works there but how would he apologize,he wasn't one for making cookies or gift baskets unless she'd take a basket of alcohol he didn't know what else to do.She probably doesn't need money given she's in a band and she already has a dog.He ran it through his mind anything he could use as a piece offering but he couldn't think of anything she didn't already have.[color=Lightcoral]'What are you doing with yourself Jake your digging yourself a grave and your getting closer to that 6' mark as you think.Maybe you just don't belong in this world'[/color].Jake felt for the spot of loose dirt and then he pushed the dirt away,there it was the reason he hated weapons,and the reason he lost everything he loved.It was his dad's 12 gauge.He looked it over pondering the pro's and con's (though there weren't that many).[color=Lightcoral]'Death is the only adventure I haven't been on yet,maybe I should see what it would be like for when someone starts that adventure they cannot tell of what lies after.Could it be heaven where everything is peaceful and where my parents are waiting for me to come and be a family again,or was it nothing but a black void you can never escape.Either way was it worse then the life I have now,I may have money and fame and a friend maybe two but what would it be like,for the mess I made of myself tonight was pretty bad and I don't think I'll be able to make it right.Arty probably thought he was a 'twat' as he called it,I pretty much made myself known as a crazy drunk hobo.Maybe I should just end it here,end the pain I cause to others around me,end my suffering that never leaves me alone.'[/color] He pondered his question to himself and looked at the 12 gauge.[color=Lightcoral]'Maybe I should wait and see what comes of it tomorrow I'll just go to club lush in the early mourning and grab my normal wears[/color](which he left in the employees changing room)[color=Lightcoral] and go around town to see what his name was becoming.[/color] He then took the last puff off of his cigarette put it out on his knee and threw it at the trash can (he missed but he didn't see where it went) and covered the shotgun back up.Just as he was about to fade into the darkness he so despised,sleep,he noticed a man that he had seen walking his dogs at night before but why was he here this late he normally walked his dogs much earlier so he took out his earphones to hear what the mean was saying."Oy!" the man yelled as he walked up to jake."What the hell? Don't end your life out here, if that's what you're thinking, young man." Jake looked up at the man and simply said [color=Red]"We all have our inner demons for 'pain may be mental but it's the mental pain that kills you the most' and I don't intend to use it tonight my inner demons almost got the best of me that's all."[/color] As he looked up at the man with a bit of a surprise on his face. No one had ever noticed his time of mental conflict at night or at least never asked him about it.