[hr][h1]Commander Shepherd[/h1][hr]

“Sometimes I just want to tell them to shut up, to go away, that I am ok, just because I can’t… walk doesn’t mean I can’t think…”

Alice looked momentarily guilty, “and then I feel bad for thinking it. Especially to my Mom and Dad. It doesn’t change that it’s how I feel though, and I just get angrier and angrier cause I can’t say it, and I don’t want to say it.”

The psychotherapist nodded thoughtfully, “these are not unusual feelings Alice, but you have to remember that for your parents everything is different too. For everyone, you need to be more honest with them for them to understand that’s how you are feeling.”

Alice sighed and stared into her lap, “I know… but it’s just so hard to… to talk about it…”

The meeting continued for some time, with little actual progress being made, truth be told. Alice wasn’t being entirely truthful with her therapist either, how could she? It was even harder now for her to get out of bed, not when dreaming allowed her to run and leap across the city as Alabaster, or even lumber or hobble as Knarr or Septimus. It was better than being stuck in that damn chair, of having people think she couldn’t do things. She’d helped, fought alongside other Metahumans to stop a rampaging pair. She’d felt free, and powerful, so much more powerful than she had ever been.

Yet she couldn’t tell anyone about it, she didn’t have a real problem with NEST, not in the way that many did, but she’d been injured by the Fiends. They’d been working with NEST, or for them, or for someone NEST was working with, she didn’t really know. There hadn’t been many details made available to the public, and she’d been either unconscious or in the hospital while much of it had been happening and coming out.

Not that she felt she’d missed out, not until that night a week ago, the night she’d fought the metahuman. Of course there was no way anyone could have known that the strange figure was her, it was preposterous, more likely a metahuman with enhanced reflexes and agility. It had felt like being a god. Not simply seeing that character on a screen performing these amazing, impossible feats, but being the one to perform them, almost without thought, without effort.

She’d been going out almost every night, and slowly but surely the forums were starting to blow up with reports of the characters of Vorpal coming to life in Verthaven. She’d commented herself a few times, feeding the fire, making sure that she didn’t seem suspiciously absent from the discussion. There were so many different theories, some a little wilder, the idea that it was in fact cosplayers who had somehow developed the same abilities as the characters of the game was obviously unlikely. The theory that it was one shapeshifter posing as different metas was a little closer to the truth, though it wasn’t exactly fair to criticise her creativity. Alice had tried, but as far as she could tell, forming entire new personas and forms was hugely difficult, if not impossible.

Jen hadn’t been too talkative either, they’d texted a little, but it seemed she’d been pretty busy, Alice wasn’t surprised, she’d seen her with Meifeng at the beach. She didn’t know what shit she’d been going through, but if the scene at the beach was anything to go by, it was some pretty scary stuff. She couldn’t imagine what it must be like for those who were identified as metahumans as children, to grow up alongside these people who could do amazing and terrifying things, did it numb you to it? Alice didn’t think she could have fought if she’d actually been there, even as a projection she’d frozen up, and the fight had nearly concluded before she’d done anything to help.

But she had helped. And almost as much as she delighted in using her ability to run free, she had learned the satisfaction of doing something right, even if it was only small. Maybe she should contact NEST after all. Alice rubbed her eyes on her way out of the therapists office. That was a decision for another day.

It was nice to talk to someone about how she was feeling, but he was still just doing his job, and she wanted something more than that. She needed a friend to talk to. Maybe she would find someone who understood…