LHG100's NOODLES OF RECTAL HOLOCAUST:

Preparations:
1, Some shitty-ass store-bought ramen like I like, since I'm an [i]american[/i] who doesn't care if it's proper or not. Like a true patriot. USA! USA!

2, Hot sauce. Tabasco is minimum, if you're a [i]pussy[/i].
Use this shit:
[hider=THE HATEFUL TEARS OF LUCIFER]
 [img]https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/41/d3/b4/41d3b4c3a660a30ee4648bcdeb0a837f.jpg[/img]
[/hider] if you're a real man who takes no prisoners and eats nails for breakfast. WITHOUT ANY MILK! If you're only mostly a man-and-a-half, use mostly tabasco with a few dips of that ghost pepper sauce shit, like I do.

3, if you give a fuck about protein with your 'training regiments' and 'calorie counting', get a few eggs. Eggs are fulla protein. Especially if they're fresh and you ripped them straight out of a chickens' ass.

4, Soy sauce. Salty shit is the best shit, and soy sauce is basically liquefied salt, so win-win.

5, A bowl, preferably your biggest, if you have self-loathing issues. LIKE ANY PROPER GENTLEMAN!

HOW TO DO:
1. Cook your Ramen for 3 minutes in a microwave or something, after breaking those unborn chicken shells and watching as the stillborn fetus of a poor, sorrowful mother-chicken drops into the noodley depths of the bowl. Hope you're happy, you fucking psycho. 
2. Wait.
3. When the shit beeps, you rip open your microwave with your demonic, hungry claws and grab that bowl, use some mitts or gloves or something, if you're a [b]weakling[/b].
4. Slam Dunk the sauces you desire, E.G. a full bottle of tabasco, or a few drips of that ghost-pepper sauce. Be careful with that shit, that's a WMD in seventeen different nations. Don't touch eyes or genitals after this for the entire day, or you'll seriously consider suicide. Put in the soy sauce if you like salt. You should.
5. Wait for that shit to cool, and mix it all until it looks like somewhat red-tinted ramen. Alternatively, like demonic, wriggling maggot hellspawn.
6. Devour. If you cry like a bitch, congratulations! You cooked it right!