Mother- Someone who you vampirically fed on before you were born.
Father- May or may not be present. Usually a moron.
Sibling- Competition for food, attention, toys, and shelter. Must be eliminated ASAP.
Child- Parasitic lifeforms that resemble their parents. See "Tequila" and "Oops". For recipes, consult Martha Stewart.
Reality- An illusion caused by lack of alcohol.