[b]American Football:[/b] Teams of eleven men who run around a field in tights while chasing a “pigskin,” then slapping each other’s rears in victory after.

[b]Coffee:[/b] The thing that keeps you from going on murderous rampages in the mornings.

[b]Alarm clocks:[/b] The things that try to wake you up, but get thrown against the wall because you haven’t had your morning coffee yet.