[@Jangel13] The only qualm I have with your CS is the age. Far too old. I'd prefer if you were in the age range of 500-700. To me that is a good age range to reach the rank Enforcer, but also a good amount of time for Francois to deal with the lost of his sister.

Also be careful using first person pronouns in a third person paragraph: He made a promise to his baby sister that he would protect [color=ed1c24]me[/color] that day soon came and they didn't wait till[color=ed1c24] I [/color]was cleaned up before they killed Lorenzo's mother.
[color=0076a3][b]The way I'd phrase it is:[/b][/color] Francois made a promise to his baby sister that he would protect her child when the time came. 9 months passed and before Francois knew the time or day, his sister was in labor. Not even waiting for the bastard to be cleaned, they ran a knife straight into the poor woman's heart.

Of course you don't have to word it like I do but yeah, constructive criticism. I can deal with the other mistakes because I know you're learning and I get the overall gist. Mixing up pronouns would just irk me xD. 

Also, damn, you made Francois Malkavian's life even more sad. He gets his fiance stolen from him. And now, his sister is dead. All the women in his life leave him xDD