[quote=@Halvtand] Not late at all. Jump as much as you want. Also, feedback: [hider=dude] Renedo, sounds more Spanish than Japanese, is this by intention? Background: Being frozen - Obvious Aang/cpn America-reference aside. It works, it gives a plausible excuse to your character not knowing anything about the world and you've provided us with drawbacks from this event, so I have to say that this is good. Thawed and brought to Gobi. I don't know if this is some kind of error done by typing to fast or the made up geography being too confusing (Wouldn't be the first time), but Kumo is actually quite far from Gobi, Konoha is actually closer I believe, as is Iwa I think. It's a small nitpick, and it can be easily fixed, but it kind of stuck in my head. Also, if he was close to any of these villages, or any other village for that matter, wouldn't they bring him there? Sure, ninja doctor > muggle doctor, but muggle doctor > no doctor. There and back again: I'm having a hard time with this. Sure everyone is gone and stuff, but why wouldn't he stay with what little family he had? Why would he leave them? You wrote earlier "When the world was savage, hard. When all you had to count on was your brothers - his fellow Uchiha." And now suddenly he's like "meh" and leaves? Not only that, it is quite a trip, the tunnel to get into/out of Gobi takes a day, and that's the only "safe" place between Gobi and Konoha. Today. This is where things starts to get iffy. From what you've written I don't get the feeling that your character is connected to or concerned for the village or its people. Leaving the village, which is supposed to be a big, scary step into the unknown, feels like a it's more of a weekend trip for this character. He's not really leaving anything, while the others are leaving (literally) everything. In the personality you even say that "He is dreaming back to the life he left". I mean, he doesn't even want to be here. Traits: A decade of xp - This is pretty much exactly what we did not want the characters to have. It is the whole sheltered life/no exp/into the unknown-thing that is the base for the theme of this game. I'm sorry, but this is one that I really have to put my foot down on. Allowing this would change the setting too much. A wider understanding of the world - albeit an aged one. Same thing again. Imagine the kind of advantage this give the character over the others. He knows about real battle, he can think on his feet, he can analyse jutsus, he has fought other ninjas in life or death scenarios. Only one of the other characters have been close to that and he was a child at the moment, and he's now chased by hunter-nins for it. The others? We don't really know if they've ever fought another ninja outside the sparring-ring. I'm sorry, it's just upsetting the balance of power too much. PTSD - Yeah, this is a result of the experience. The rest is fine, and I like how you turn his time as an ice cube into a real thing for the character. Jutsus: "He is able to use the tree climbing and water running techniques - techniques he learned after being thawed out." Why wouldn't he learn this before? I mean, from the background we can infer that he was thawed out fairly recently (or at least not too long ago) and that pretty much all his knowledge (including jutsus) are from before the ice age. That would mean that he's managed to learn four regular jutsus (up to B-rank) before he learned to control his chakra well enough to stick his feet to a wall? Um... Great fireball technique - Yeah, Uchiha, it's like your ID-card. Great fire things - I'm not sure about these. I mean, these were used in the canon by a fairly heavy dude that did not screw around. Reading the description I cannot fathom how one of these are supposed to be B-rank. Not when the description states "requiring the combined efforts of several Water Release users in order to extinguish the flames." That doesn't sound like a technique that Chuunin are supposed to know. That sounds like an S-rank or at least A to me. Anyway, I am not sure about these. Genjutsu: Genjutsu; Sharingan. - Ok? Smokescreen is good, but isn't Asuma's smoke-technique awfully similar? Very true, it would make sense. This character should be a lot stronger and capable than our current crew with this kind of backstory. Sadly, I think that is just the problem. This character was originally made for another game, right? I just feel that this character is supposed to be something that this setting can't quite handle, this character left the level that our characters are on very early in his life, and even considering the fact that he has some drawbacks from his time in the ice, he's going to leave those behind quite quickly once he can really let loose. Please note that all of this is just based on the character as a basic ninja. I haven't even talked about what the Sharingan can do for the balance of power. [/hider] [/quote] Renendo (Renegeedo) is based on the Japanese word for Renegade. Regarding his Backstory; You're right. I should clarify that the reason he didn't return to Konoha is because the village is just too different, it's too painful for him. He and the Yuki he fought fought in the mountains surrounding what would become Gobi, but, you are correct that I might've gotten my geography wrong. He would feel responsible for the village as they not only thawed him out, but also nursed him back to health, and all of his old roots are either dead or have forgotten about him. You mention people leaving everything behind. Aro did that, except unlike everyone else, it wasn't just distance, but time that took his life away from him. He's looking for a second chance, from a unique perspective. I'd argue that his experience and understanding of the world puts him at an equal disadvantage. He was frozen at the start of the first world war, and he was thawed out after the second world war, essentially in modern times. He has to unlearn everything he ever learned - he's not near the same caliber of strength as the other shinobi of his age we've seen, such as Hashirama and Madara. He knows nothing about ninja politics and the concept of shinobi being warriors for hire, instead of warriors of principle is completely foreign to him. I mentioned the chakra control techniques being taught later due to not being necessary for him to learn. They are difficult to learn, especially for someone with poor chakra control, and while he might've known about them before he was frozen, it was a bigger issue for him to learn how to spew fire and use a sword. Because that was what would keep him alive. But now, in a relaxed village like Gobi, where danger isn't imminent all the time, he has the time to hone the modern common jutsu. However, I might alter the timeline and make him recently thawed out to give him an even smaller understanding of the current world, as well as miss-remembering how powerful he is, being frozen for so long weakened his entire body. His Jutsu-List is comprised of B-rank jutsu. Great Fire Annihilation is a B-rank technique, and I assume so is the other one, as it's just the opposite of GFA. It's strength came from being used by Madara. Aro offers small chakra reserves and poor chakra control, toppled onto his weakened physical strength, trauma and overall discord with the world and I personally sincerly doubt he's stronger than anyone else of Chunnin-quality. He could probably beat Sasuke during the Sasuke Vs. Haku fight, but our favorite ( Or least favorite) Emo would beat Aro's ass without breaking a sweat by the time he fought Gaara. Aro was not made for another game, though, the concept of a shinobi frozen in time is something I've used previously. Though, from a completely different time to another, and through different means. Though, if none of the solutions I mentioned previously would work out, I'm not against shortening his experience before being frozen to only a few years, so it's still reasonable for the age he was born in. Also, Sharingan would be far from powerful. I'd have no ambitions what so ever got give him a MS, and since predicting your opponents moves never works out in an RP, I wouldn't use that ability, either. In short, it would be used for seeing chakra and casting genjutsu. But overall as a plot element for him. In fact, only his right eye could even see chakra, his left only carries faster reaction time, due to it's immature state. In short, Sharingan is in every way worse than the Byakugan, as far as Roleplays go. I'd even argue that in the show the Byakugan was more powerful than the average Sharingan.