[img]http://i.imgur.com/89sqcna.png[/img]

Welcome back to the first annual Presidential Hunger Games election! We have watched the corpses as they begin to stack like gold teeth out back a crematorium. The question on everybody's mind as we go into the first night is; who will Lincoln slay next?

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A lot has happened here in the twilight hours of the day. First off, Lincoln strikes again! His rabid bloodthirst was not satiated with the murder of infamous gold-peddler Ron Paul. Honest Abe's bloody spear has been thrust aside for the moment, and he has chosen to kill his next victim with his own weapon! Astute viewers will recall how Kim Jong Un stole a mace from the impuissant King of Great Britain. This mace, once in the hands of that king, has now traveled into the hands of the stone-coldest killer in the arena. I am beginning to wonder if this mace itself might become a contender in our election.

More things have happened as well. Mr. Rogers and Bernie Sanders make a temporary alliance. One of convenience perhaps, or is this an alliance in the making? The feckless British government, dismayed by the poor performance of her native children, has pulled together their resources and supplied the only competent one of theirs with a mighty weapon. Camacho sends a warning to The Donald which, in all honesty, I can totally and with no difficulty imagine happening. We also see Hitler find an ally-with-benefits in Shrek, and...

[img]http://i.imgur.com/uwVk2Dn.png[/img]

oh fuck yes this is good. This is going on a t-shirt. 

[img]http://i.imgur.com/QjnrRh3.png[/img]

Poor King George. The two British politicians talk comfortably while their king, afrighted and unhinged, cowers in the cold somewhere afraid of even the light. If he wins this thing it will be an accident of unusual proportion. Or will his reported madness swoop in to save him?

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Naps prevail on the second day, and water appears freely so the candidates may drink. Will water save King George from total defeat? Will Stubbs catch a mole after doing that cat ass-shaking thing for a bit? A formidable alliance is formed. Even more impressive, Jeremy sets out to prove the mettle of his embarrassed nation by stalking what might be the loudest and most obvious sort of prey. 
 
[img]http://i.imgur.com/5llapaZ.png[/img]

The day comes to an end with Lincoln's second kill moldering somewhere, his body smashed by the very royal club he himself had stolen. They said Trump can't be stopped, and this might be true on a technicality since he has failed to do a thing. It is Lincoln that must be feared, friends. Feared and cowered toward. May God have mercy on us all.