[b][color=red]Review in red.[/color][/b] [quote=@Kejmur] [center][hider=Raijin Gorui] [hider=Character Images] [img]http://oi67.tinypic.com/f3xhjl.jpg]Custom[/img] [img]http://oi65.tinypic.com/2nqft6c.jpg]Picture[/img] [/hider] [b][color=red]Not very ninja looking is he now[/color][/b] [i]“The only thing that truly matters to me are present and future. Past is irrelevant.”[/i] [b][color=red]Yes, indeed, we will gladly accept the pedophile, rapist, murdering thief because the past is irrelevant![/color][/b] [i][b]Really tall (2.10 meters) male with impressive muscled figure and specific custom-made clothes. His costume include red cape, strange steel face mask with 8 holes and 2 horns, steel gauntlets which allow easier chakra flow from his body towards his weapons and made from steel plates trousers. Gorui pretty much always hides his face to make him more mysterious and scary for potential enemies. He carries his headband tied around his neck. If you manage to see his face, you may notice dark green color of his pupils and pretty handsome unshaved square face, ivory colored teeth, softly pointed nose, narrow eyebrows and short, but dense brown hair.[/b][/i] [b][color=red]OK he's a knight, we get it[/color][/b] [u][b]Personnel files.[/b][/u] [i]Access only by security personnel with a C3 clearance.[/i] [indent]【[U]Full Name[/U]】 [I]Raijin Gorui[/I] 【[U]Alias[/U]】 [i]Yama (Mountain)[/i] [b][color=red]nice[/color][/b] 【[U]Village[/U]】 [i]Kumogakure[/i] [b][color=red]K-Town represent[/color][/b] 【[U]Age[/U]】 [i]18[/i] [b][color=red]he looks at [i]least[/i] 25[/color][/b] 【[U]Sex[/U]】 [i]Male[/i] 【[U]Sexuality[/U]】 [i]Straight[/i] 【[U]Birthplace[/U]】 [i]Unknown, discovered in one of Orochimaru bases[/i] 【[U]Bloodline[/U]】 [i]None, unless Cursed Mark 1/2 count as one. Up to you if you accept up to 2 or only just 1[/i] [b][color=red]Cursed mark is not a bloodline[/color][/b] 【[U]Rank[/U]】 [i]Chūnin[/i][/indent] [u][b]Psych. report.[/b][/u] [i]Medical secrecy applies.[/i] [indent]【[U]Personality[/U]】 [i]Gorui is a character which may be described as full of mood swings. Jovial, likes to laugh, generous, sociable, heck for some he may be even considered kind. As long as you are his ally that is. Extremely loyal to comrades and... ruthless to enemies. He's like a different person once he fights/spots an enemy. [b][color=red]or, ya know, he can differentiate between friend and enemy and adjust accordingly.[/color][/b] Confident (close to arrogant), aggressive and simply brutal and cruel individual. He won't limit himself when it goes to hunting and hurting potential opposite target. Probably influence of curse mark and higher then normal testosterone are responsible for such drastic personality changes. He's also adrenaline junkie and feels truly alive mostly when in the middle of danger (as long as it works to his advantage) or when he has fun. Also it makes him more suspectible towards seduction (he loves intimate contact, potential sexoholic). Also loves to eat (probably his Legendary Stupid Brothers ancestors are responsible here) and drink alcohol. [b][color=red]basically he's a scumbag with a heart[/color][/b] In neutral situation he's mostly focused and silent (to be his happy persona he MUST be truly relaxed), turns mostly serious and his humour turn from positive one to more sarcastic and witty one. Gorui though is a guy who doesn't take well situations in which he is at clear disadvantage, he relies heavily on momentum – in such cases he mostly try to fight defensively and wait for an opening, but may be impatient and do something risky. Also he's mostly aggresive in such situations, try to taunt and rage. One of his ticks is his way of toying with his weapons..[/i] [b][color=red]his entire personality is based on fighting? this seems like it belongs in the combat style thing more than here[/color][/b] 【[U]History[/U]】 [i]No one knows from where exactly Raijin Gorui comes from. When he was a toddler, ninja from Kumogakure discovered one of hidden Orochimaru bases near their village which surprised them immensly 19 years ago (everyone though that none of them were left). Kumogakure scouts entered and found lots of tanks full of some strange green liquid. All targets were dead except Gorui. Also interesting fact is that Raijin was the only toddler as well there. There are two theories when it goes to his birth – one that liquid stopped his aging and he is a child of one of Legendary Stupid Brothers or he is one of Orochimarus old laboratory experiments (with sealed or not sealed curse mark depending if you accept this option). With no other option they decided to take him into Kumogakure and raise him. [b][color=red]well, there's an option. Kill him.[/color][/b] Although here comes the problem – there were people which didn't want to adopt him no matter what or those which wanted him and saw his potential strenght and skill, but council members and Raikage were afraid of power play from those parties and potentially turn him into a weapon. In the end they decided that ANBU Captain Wolf (real alias Kosuke D), probably most neutral party would raise him. He wasn't exactly good parent material, but did his minimum job. Probably this is where Gorui character swings come from – Kumogakure in overall was split between two parties: one which truly hated and despised him for being Orochimaru potential experiment (abomination, monster, potential flight risk, etc.) and tried to abuse him, to which he acted aggresively and defended himself. And second one which pitied him and gave him a chance and he paid back for this trust fully with his dedication and friendship. There were also situation which some people straight up tried to recruit and bribe him to buy his services exclusively, which Raikage and others high position council members didn't like. In other words his childhood and teenage years were full of struggle and annoying power plays with Gorui in the middle of them. [b][color=red]So basically Naruto 'everyone hates me or everyone wants to use me'? kinda cliché but if that's what you want.[/color][/b] He never participated in school activities (mostly helped civilians as they were most sceptic ones towards his persona and gained their trust with his honest and helpul nature and hardly made contact with shinobi people of his age) and in the end he ended up in apprentiship [b][color=red]you really should proof read or spell check. x)[/color][/b] with Kosuke D, main TaiJutsu and BakiJutsu [b][color=red]taijutsu, not TaiJutsu, etc.[/color][/b] specialist in Kumogakure. Thanks to him he learned how to use weapons which perfectly fit his build (Warhammer, Morning Star, Javelins and Legion Shield) while ignoring Kunai, Senbon and Shuriken which clearly didn't fit his style. Also he showed up true talent towards Earth Style technique as his main nature which is pretty rare thing in this village. In other words first ten years of his ninja career (6-16) spended in ANBU forces [b][color=red]I'm gonna stop you here. Why would an ANBU member (which clearly requires a lot of skill etc) be put in a chunin position? If he was ANBU wouldn't he have been a jonin at the very least?[/color][/b] of Kumogakure mostly as special heavy hitter and bodyguard type in high level missions. After 10 years of constant danger and potential loss of his sanity (vacation times weren't enough [b][color=red]this seems like a reaaaaally far fetched reason for him to potentially lose his sanity[/color][/b]) they decided to push him into normal shinobi forces mostly as substitute member for potential team members. At the moment Kumogakure look for permanent team for Gorui.[/i] 【[U]Family ties[/U]】 [i]Orphan, Frontline Fighter / Bruiser / Bodyguard[/i] [b][color=red]being a frontline fighter etc hasn't got much to do with your family[/color][/b] 【[U]Dreams and fears[/U]】 [i]Dreams to reach ANBU Captain position. The biggest potential fear for him would to become useless (for example as permanent cripple) as he can't imagine living a civilian type of life.[/i] [b][color=red]For the roleplay sake he will never join the ANBU, because the story is about a group of people together, not about a bunch of individuals doing their own thing[/color][/b][/indent] [u][b]Combat reports and fighting style[/b][/u] [i]Mostly frontline, first line fighter capable of taking heavy hits and dishing even harder ones. His specialties include protecting targets and covering teammates from even most heavy hits (Special Shield and Earth Style Defensive techniques). Gorui acts truly aggresive when pushed into the corner and his destructive fighting style (while offensive), which include AoE techniques make him bad partner with other close range fighters as he may just hurt them back if they stay too close to him. Best formation set-up include Raijin as close range fighter, middle range fighter with only seldom close contact fighting and 1-2 long range support partners. So in this case it's the best to just let him do all heavy hitting job and let other support him from distance. We call it "Wild Mode". [b][color=red]I like that you gave 'optimal teams'[/color][/b] Situation is different though if Gorui is ordered mostly as defensive support partner so he focuses on tanking hits and shielding his allies (and heavy counters). While Raijin base speed isn't exactly good his really strong leg muscles and high quality yang chakra allow him to commit massive jumps and extremely fast dashes in straight line so he can move quickly to cover his teammates. It's not recommended though to order him in 'chase target' quick missions as his base speed is slow, although he may make up for it with incredible endurance. But yes, both defensively and offensively Gorui may react and attack/shield someone REALLY FAST but only in straight line jump/dash. If someone manage to outmaneuver/dodge him at first time it's much harder for him to hit/shield someone. Raijin is mostly hit and run/shield type of fighter/defender. In this case we call it "Bodyguard Mode".[/i] [b][color=red]fair enough[/color][/b] 【[U]Kekkei genkai, or bloodline limit[/U]】 [b][u]Bloodline limit name:[/u][/b] [i]None, unless Curse Mark counts as one.[/i] Shadow Spear Technique (Spear Version of Shadow Shuriken Technique) 【[U]Ninja techniques[/U]】 [u]A rank techniques:[/u] [i][url=http://naruto.wikia.com/wiki/Earth_Release%3A_Moving_Earth_Core]Earth Release: Moving Earth Core[/url][/i] [b][color=red]k[/color][/b] [u]B rank techniques:[/u] [i][url=http://naruto.wikia.com/wiki/Rock_Clone_Technique]Rock Clone Technique[/url][/i] [b][color=red]k[/color][/b] [i][url=http://naruto.wikia.com/wiki/Earth_Release:_Hardening_Technique]Earth Release: Hardening Technique[/url][/i] [b][color=red]fine[/color][/b] [u]C rank techniques:[/u] [i][url=http://narutofanon.wikia.com/wiki/Earth_Release:_Mud_Bullet]Earth Release: Mud Bullet[/url][/i] [b][color=red]ok[/color][/b] [i][url=http://naruto.wikia.com/wiki/Earth_Release:_Flying_Thrown_Stones]Earth Release: Flying Thrown Stones. (potential B, depending on chakra investment)[/url][/i] [b][color=red]ok[/color][/b] [i][url=http://naruto.wikia.com/wiki/Earth_Release:_Rock_Shelter]Earth Release: Rock Shelter[/url][/i] [b][color=red]ok[/color][/b] [u]D-E rank techniques:[/u] [i][url=http://naruto.wikia.com/wiki/Earth_Release:_Double_Suicide_Decapitation_Technique]Earth Release: Double Suicide Decapitation Technique[/url][/i] [i][url=http://naruto.wikia.com/wiki/Shadow_Shuriken_Technique]Shadow Shuriken Technique (Javelin Version)[/url][/i] [i][url=http://naruto.wikia.com/wiki/Body_Replacement_Technique]Body Replacement Technique[/url][/i] [i][url=http://naruto.wikia.com/wiki/Transformation_Technique]Transformation Technique[/url][/i] [i][url=http://naruto.wikia.com/wiki/Clone_Technique]Clone Technique[/url][/i] [b][color=red]all fine. you didn't need to list the academy jutsu.[/color][/b] [b][u]Jutsu name:[/u][/b] [i]Chakra Release: Mountain Killer[/i] [b][u]Rank:[/u][/b] [i]B-A+ Rank (Possible S in future, depends on chakra investment[/i] [b][color=red]Don't give it B-A+ rank, just give it 1 rank and stick with it.[/color][/b] [b][u]Range:[/u][/b] [i]Max 30 Meters, Again Depends on chakra investment[/i] [b][u]Description:[/u][/b] [i]User gather chakra in his fist or weapon (in case of Gorui most effective with Warhammer) and slam the earth, releasing a stream of chakra under the earth. The amount of invested chakra decides the distance (max 30 meters) at the moment). User decides with hand-seal movement (Boar Seal) when technique is released. Once it happens, massive earth spikes suddenly move from underground and possibly hit the target.[/i] [b][u]Jutsu name:[/u][/b] [i]Chakra Release: Double Strike[/i] [b][u]Rank:[/u][/b] [i]C Rank[/i] [b][u]Range:[/u][/b] [i]Only works on touch.[/i] [b][u]Description:[/u][/b] [i]Pretty simple utility technique which allow to gather chakra inside a weapon or fist and release two attacks in quick succession instead of one.[/i] [b][u]Jutsu name:[/u][/b] [b][color=red]works for me[/color][/b] Repeat form for as many jutsu as you can create, within the rules. [url=http://postimg.org/image/oyse5jz9d/]Tremor[/url] -> Warhammer Weapon, tool or object type: [url=http://postimg.org/image/wf6czbozl/]Grace[/url] -> Morning Star Weapon, tool or object type: [url=http://postimg.org/image/s2a45rsxt/]Loyalty[/url] -> Legion Shield Weapon, tool or object type: [url=http://postimg.org/image/5c6w5yds1/]Hornet Strikes[/url] -> Javelins x 10 【[U]Weaponry, tools and objects.[/U]】 [b][u][url=http://postimg.org/image/oyse5jz9d/]Tremor[/url][/u][/b] [i]Standard Warhammer (High Quality Metal). No special abilities.[/i] [b][u][url=http://postimg.org/image/wf6czbozl/]Grace[/url][/u][/b] [i]Morning Star (High Quality Metal). No special abilities.[/i] [b][u][url=http://postimg.org/image/s2a45rsxt/]Loyalty[/url][/u][/b] [i]Legion Shield (High Quality Metal + Wood). No special abilities.[/i] [b][u][url=http://postimg.org/image/5c6w5yds1/]Hornet Strikes[/url][/u][/b] [i]10 x Javelins (High Quality Metal + Wood). No special abilities.[/i] [b][color=red]While I don't really have a problem with the weapons on their own I think they don't really fit the theme. Also, he has quite a lot of weapons. It might be best to get rid of 1 weapon. And, possibly, to rethink which weapons he uses. These weapons aren't very 'ninja' like if you know what I mean.[/color][/b] [/hider][/center] All kinds of opinions, needed changes, etc. appreciated. [/quote] [b][color=red]Please take a look, edit, and let me know when it's done. x)[/color][/b]