1 Guest viewing this page
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Eviledd1984
Raw
Avatar of Eviledd1984

Eviledd1984 Narn Liberator

Member Seen 9 hrs ago

UserName: Eviledd1984

Character name: Johnathan Hooper

Age: 22

Mageblood type: OBiligatio

Favoured Magic Class: Necromancy

Previous Magic training: None

Race: Human

Appearance:

Standing at about 5'7 weighting in about 152 pounds,He has a athletic looking body thanks to his training in the field.Long blonde hair covers his head and has it put into a ponytail to keep his hair away form his eyes.Bright blue eyes that can pierce your soul when he stares at you,A feminine looking face with most mistaking him for a woman then a man.

Bio: He lived with his mother who was a knight and his father who was a tailor,Since his mother was not around for most of the time he grow up with his father for most of the time.He was lonely for most of his life because he was not very social with the other and also because of his strange hobbies he was bullied contently.

He loved reading and soon found interest in magic specifically in necromancy because he had been obsessed with death and because the sudden death of his father when he was thirteen cause him to investigate further and join the college to try to relive his father.

Good Attributes: Skilled in Necromancy, Always trying to look for weakness in his enemies.

Bad Attributes: Very poor social skills, little combat experience, Not very strong.

Secret Word: Ronald Mcdonald Rebirth
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Demonic Angel
Raw
Avatar of Demonic Angel

Demonic Angel I'm 1% Angel and 99% Devil. Woohoo!

Member Seen 3 yrs ago

I'll get a post for Keri up when I can. I may have her training in the courtyard shadow fighting.
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by May
Raw
Avatar of May

May Just Damn Cute

Member Seen 6 yrs ago

<Snipped quote by May>

It's more if you post if you're undead or not. :p


Oh well...then yes? Lol
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Lucius Cypher
Raw
coGM
Avatar of Lucius Cypher

Lucius Cypher Looking For Group

Member Seen 6 days ago

@Eviledd1984

My own egomania aside, a pretty sparse CS. But I noticed some inconsistencies. As a new character your magic level will be novice at best, yet you also say you're skilled at Necromancy, despite having absolutely no training. Talent isn't something that's applicable to magic; it's something you work towards, not something you're simply attuned with.

Additionally you mentioned that he is weak, yet has an athletic build. Do you maybe mean that he's the type who's built for speed but not strength? Energy but not endurance? So on and so forth.

Elaborate more about these "Strange hobbies" of his. That might make for some interesting developments. Also how did he discover the college? Why is it that when his father died when you were 13, you didn't come to the college until you were 22?
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Fallenreaper
Raw
GM
Avatar of Fallenreaper

Fallenreaper ღ~Lil' Emotional Cocktail~ღ

Member Seen 4 hrs ago

@Eviledd1984

My own egomania aside, a pretty sparse CS. But I noticed some inconsistencies. As a new character your magic level will be novice at best, yet you also say you're skilled at Necromancy, despite having absolutely no training. Talent isn't something that's applicable to magic; it's something you work towards, not something you're simply attuned with.

Additionally you mentioned that he is weak, yet has an athletic build. Do you maybe mean that he's the type who's built for speed but not strength? Energy but not endurance? So on and so forth.

Elaborate more about these "Strange hobbies" of his. That might make for some interesting developments. Also how did he discover the college? Why is it that when his father died when you were 13, you didn't come to the college until you were 22?


Lucius caught some points I missed and now, I'll add my own to his.




UserName: Eviledd1984

Character name: Johnathan Hooper

Age: 22

Mageblood type: OBiligatio

Favoured Magic Class: Necromancy

Previous Magic training: None

Race: Human

Appearance:

Standing at about 5'7 weighting in about 152 pounds,He has a athletic looking body thanks to his training in the field.Long blonde hair covers his head and has it put into a ponytail to keep his hair away form his eyes.Bright blue eyes that can pierce your soul when he stares at you, a feminine looking face with most mistaking him for a woman then a man.

Due to your picture being a bit modern, you might want to describe his clothing style and what he wears. Think fantasy Lord of the rings or Middle Age attire with a hint of Final Fantasy. Mainly tunics/shirts and breeches being the main fashion (adding on decorative touches such as jewelry, cloaks, etc.). Another thing, does he have any birthmarks or abnormal features?

As Lucius pointed out, his built description and weaknesses don't match up. In addition, there's no mention in his history about anyone having a farm as his father was a tailor and mother a knight. Neither farming people from what I recall. The only knights are within Eania as I will go into more detail in the bio which aren't farmers. In addition, farm work is more strength based than speed so if you were going for speed, rather than strength, I suggest having him work for his father running clothing deliveries through Eania. This would explain his built for speed rather than strength if that was what you were going for.


Bio: He lived with his mother who was a knight and his father who was a tailor,Since his mother was not around for most of the time he grow up with his father for most of the time.He was lonely for most of his life because he was not very social with the other and also because of his strange hobbies he was bullied contently.

He loved reading and soon found interest in magic specifically in necromancy because he had been obsessed with death and because the sudden death of his father when he was thirteen cause him to investigate further and join the college to try to relive his father.

Alright, a few massive issues here. I personally would like more over the bio, namely where he grew up (even a made up place within one of the nations- Scorched Lands are toxin to everyone but Esyire btw), what his childhood-adulthood was like to present. Lucius' covered some of them and some good points.

If you’re insisting on having the manual, I must ask you to go into more description over where he got it and how. Through you have to run this through the GMs first if this pops up later. Items like this are often not easily to get a hold of as they are useless to people who haven’t had their magic activated and ost are given to the magic schools. Even more, unless it’s a plot for later, having a book over your specific blood is much more unlikely and in say Eania, people practicing or having this mage blood are either imprisoned, chased off or often viewed as no better than criminals. Merely since they are unfortunate enough to been born with it.

If his mother was a knight, it’s likely she was from Eania and as mentioned in the bio that could provide a lot of fun stuff to play off of. Especially with his mage blood being viewed as negative and outlawed.


Good Attributes: Skilled in Necromancy, Always trying to look for weakness in his enemies.

Ummm...someone didn’t read the OP. It states clearly in the CS: Previous Magic training: (No to little official training, you'll all still start off Novices in this act.) This bit should be included in the bio as well which means it’s too low to be considered a skill. This will gradually change through OoC or IC mentions through time skips and hard work.

The main reason is that practicing without any teaching is dangerous since when people are first starting off they haven’t the slightest clue how much is too much, often unable to control their arcanite output or prevent the result from killing more than themselves. Many have actually killed themselves in the attempt. Now other places offer teaching but they are limited, often sending their left overs (anyone that's not the best) over to the College and keep the prize students.

In addition, mage blood isn’t fully predictable. No one knows for sure what blood they will have, but there’s one thing that always happens: it is caused by extreme emotion. Usually fear or anger, rarely depression or joy but possible, bring the person to near death status where it happens in a small, low level spell. For necromancy, I would say making a small animal corpse bite someone then 'died' again. Afterwards, they need a few days of rest. This can happen any time from a young age to adulthood and in some, it never happens at all.

I need more Good Attributes as well as information over them and they don’t have to be only a combative aspect, though you should add one. Namely one weapon he is adapt with and have room for improvement over time as this will allow excuses for interaction during time skips, etc. I suggest taking things already mentioned in his bio like his father was a tailor so he could know how to make, construct and tailor clothing for people which is a good trait. I need about at least 5 good traits total.


Bad Attributes: Very poor social skills, little combat experience, Not very strong.

Alright, I suggest with the poor social skills you describe what you mean and to what degree. Does he stutter when he meets new people, keep his distance, or continually worry over what others think that any negative comment makes him became a turtle hiding away in his shell? Or something else? I would also advise to put in loopholes that allow him to adapt and grow out of this over time else you’ll find interaction very, very difficult during the lull times in the story. Also, define little combat experience as in does he only have basic knowledge or what? I need about two more and again, a bit more details.

Main reason, the GMs actually do use these sections to combat your PC. We don’t abuse them as the PCs will grow out, but helps us reasonably create challenges for your PC and encourage them to grow.


These are the first review btw. We might find more issues as you make edits, though we'll try to help you best we can.

Hidden 8 yrs ago 8 yrs ago Post by Eviledd1984
Raw
Avatar of Eviledd1984

Eviledd1984 Narn Liberator

Member Seen 9 hrs ago

UserName: Eviledd1984

Character name: Johnathan Darius

Age: 22

Mageblood type: Obiligatio

Favoured Magic Class: Necromancy

Previous Magic training: None

Race: Human

Appearance:
Standing at about 5'7 weighting in about 152 pounds,He has a slender looking body thanks to his training in the field.Long dark brown hair covers his head and has it put into a ponytail to keep his hair away form his eyes.Bright blue eyes that can pierce your soul when he stares at you, a feminine looking face with most mistaking him for a woman then a man.

Jonathan wears a long dark blue robe that covers up most of his body expect his face, The robe has a hood on it. Underneath that he wears a cloth tunic and cloth pants that were made by his father to keep him relatively warm. The only jewelry that he has on him is his mother ring which has a silver brand and a sapphire that is resting on top.

Bio: Jonathan was born in Eania living with his mother who was a knight and his father who was a tailor,Since his mother was not around for most of the time he grow up with his father for most of the time.He was lonely for most of his life because he was not very social with the other and also because of his strange hobbies he was bullied contently.

He loved reading but could only find one book a sort of manual that he found one day, On this day he was looking for some bones and dead animal bodies when he came across a house that looked much to scare for children his age. However he was not like other children and in fact did not fear what could happen to him so he went inside of the house to explore.

He could smell something rotten and hear the sound of rats probably hundreds of them scurrying around inside of the walls. Exploring further into the house finding his way into the basement to see what looked like a ritual had happened a few weeks ago because of the rotting corpse in front of him with a ritualist knife stuck in the heart of the dead body.

Exploring around the stand he found the manual taking it with him and quickly leaving the house hurrying back to his home. Once he was home he started to read on the manual that was filled with Necromancy spells that fascinated him to no end.
Once his mother found out about his magical practicing and blood she attacked him trying to decapitate him with her sword, His father intervening was accidently killed by his wife when her blade cut off his head instead of Jonathan’s. Jonathan was watching all of this running away form his mother taking the head of his father with him.

He hid in the home where he found the manual scared and cold with his only friend being the lifeless head of his father. For two weeks he was inside the house surviving on begging for food and water and also practising Necromancy to try to revive the head of his father.
After the two weeks he tried to move away form Eania but was found and chased away by her mother and her troops who were hunting him. Escaping thanks to the help of a traveling merchant the two traveled to Liem trying to stay as far away form Eania as he could.

Good Attributes: Is well versed in making clothing and repairing most fabric materials, Always trying to look for weakness in his enemies, Somewhat skilled with a sword but is not as well versed since he had little training with his mother.

Bad Attributes: Very poor social skills, little combat experience, Not very strong.
He is very nervous around people and has the tendency to ramble about dead bodies and things that would make people think he is crazy. He also stutters a bit when he is meeting new people always looking down at his feet when meeting with other people. Also he is not very strong having not very combat skills.

Secret Word: Ronald Mcdonald Rebirth

This is what i got so far.

Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by May
Raw
Avatar of May

May Just Damn Cute

Member Seen 6 yrs ago

@Fallenreaper I got a quick question about Helena’s glasses. What would be the odds of someone being near enough to the school to make her a new pair fairly quickly?
Hidden 8 yrs ago 8 yrs ago Post by Fallenreaper
Raw
GM
Avatar of Fallenreaper

Fallenreaper ღ~Lil' Emotional Cocktail~ღ

Member Seen 4 hrs ago

@Fallenreaper I got a quick question about Helena’s glasses. What would be the odds of someone being near enough to the school to make her a new pair fairly quickly?


Val can actually construct a new pair as I mentioned before. So she will have new glasses fairly shortly after the Hunt.

@Eviledd1984 I will look over your new cs when I get to a laptop around two hours.
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Eviledd1984
Raw
Avatar of Eviledd1984

Eviledd1984 Narn Liberator

Member Seen 9 hrs ago

<Snipped quote by May>

Cal can actually construct a new pair as I mentioned before. So she will have new glasses fairly shortly after the Hunt.

@Eviledd1984 I will look over your new cs when I get to a laptop around teo hours.


Okay thanks.
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Fallenreaper
Raw
GM
Avatar of Fallenreaper

Fallenreaper ღ~Lil' Emotional Cocktail~ღ

Member Seen 4 hrs ago

<Snipped quote by Fallenreaper>

Okay thanks.


Your review will be up tomorrow, hun. I'm waiting for Lucius to give his two cents and then you'll have all three reviews at once.
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by May
Raw
Avatar of May

May Just Damn Cute

Member Seen 6 yrs ago

<Snipped quote by May>

Val can actually construct a new pair as I mentioned before. So she will have new glasses fairly shortly after the Hunt.

@Eviledd1984 I will look over your new cs when I get to a laptop around two hours.


Yay. I must have missed that somehow. Thank you.
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Fallenreaper
Raw
GM
Avatar of Fallenreaper

Fallenreaper ღ~Lil' Emotional Cocktail~ღ

Member Seen 4 hrs ago

@MayNo problem.

Reading some of your bio, I don’t think you have a firm or known grasp on magic in this world. Unless you’re a Chantment (one of the ancient magics) mage, you don’t need to invoke words but merely think on your spell and what you want to do, then gesture/look toward where you want it to happen. However, there are limits which I’ll note below for the future.

Focus and Concentration: The more you focus, the more powerful your spell. However, it weakens your ability to dodge and you will likely get hit. In the opposite effect, the more you do at once then the weaker your spell power will be. However you will be able to dodge and avoid others.

Natural vs Manipulating Arcanite: Manipulating another arcanite, living creature or already enchanted one, is much harder and more draining than your own created sources or yourself. Namely as you’re rewriting what is already there. The more manipulation= greater delay, ranging from a single post to several through depending on the GMs, it might not be possible.

Sight/Targeting: A mage has to ‘sight’ a target through either magic, eyesight or other means before casting a spell. If they lost track, then any spell casted will have have issues finding its target.

Distance: All casted magic has a range which varies depending on the level of the student. Direct touch will always affect a target, though it also opens up the mage for a counter attack and worse. The mage’s max range, at master level, is about 150 feet max all the way around.

Most the information I’m showing is made to help you and make it easier for when you’re writing Ic, not nitpicking.



UserName: Eviledd1984

Character name: Johnathan Darius

Age: 22

Mageblood type: Obiligatio

Favoured Magic Class: Necromancy

Previous Magic training: None

Race: Human

Appearance:
Standing at about 5'7 weighting in about 152 pounds,He has a slender looking body thanks to his training in the field.Long dark brown hair covers his head and has it put into a ponytail to keep his hair away form his eyes.Bright blue eyes that can pierce your soul when he stares at you, a feminine looking face with most mistaking him for a woman then a man.

Jonathan wears a long dark blue robe that covers up most of his body expect his face, The robe has a hood on it. Underneath that he wears a cloth tunic and cloth pants that were made by his father to keep him relatively warm. The only jewelry that he has on him is his mother ring which has a silver brand and a sapphire that is resting on top.

Looks good, much better than before.
Fallenreaper


Bio:

Jonathan was born in Eania living with his mother who was a knight and his father who was a tailor, Since his mother was not around for most of the time he grow up with his father for most of the time. He was lonely for most of his life because he was not very social with the other and also because of his strange hobbies he was bullied contently.

He loved reading but could only find one book a sort of manual that he found one day, On this day he was looking for some bones and dead animal bodies when he came across a house that looked much to scare for children his age. However he was not like other children and in fact did not fear what could happen to him so he went inside of the house to explore.

He could smell something rotten and hear the sound of rats probably hundreds of them scurrying around inside of the walls. Exploring further into the house finding his way into the basement to see what looked like a ritual had happened a few weeks ago because of the rotting corpse in front of him with a ritualist knife stuck in the heart of the dead body.

The ritual you described might’ve been more fitting to one toward Aarem, one of the gods and rules over the Evil/Black magic, and vampirism ( likely a few other things). So it might’ve not been inside the manual at all or more likely attached to Noxomancy, rather than Necromancy. While it might make the book useless to him, namely as all he could do was learn about it, it would give him insight into mageblood in general. Might’ve been a reason he wanted to seek out the college later on? Just a thought to consider.
Fallenreaper


That, and it’s ridiculously dangerous to practice magic on your own. As a Novice, you won’t know your limits, when to stop, or even how to stop. It’s a bit like lifting weights or doing parkour. Your body forcibly makes you stop (or fails you) when you’ve reached your limit. With magic, you pass out, vomit blood, and potentially die if you reach your limit. Only institutions for training Mages (Like the College or the Army) can give you a relatively safe environment for magical training.
Rtron


Exploring around the stand he found the manual taking it with him and quickly leaving the house hurrying back to his home. Once he was home he started to read on the manual that was filled with Necromancy spells that fascinated him to no end.

What I mentioned above in both the top section and one above this one, might alter what was written here. In addition, you don’t state when or how his magic shows up. I mentioned this once before, magic has to be activated before it can be practiced or explored which is through some extremely emotional experience. Anything within that book wouldn’t have happened until his magic first showed up. It’s an important part of his bio after all.


Once his mother found out about his magical practicing and blood she attacked him trying to decapitate him with her sword, His father intervening was accidently killed by his wife when her blade cut off his head instead of Jonathan’s. Jonathan was watching all of this running away form his mother taking the head of his father with him.

Based on what you wrote, I’m assuming his mother is one of those fanatics? Rare in Eania but there are a few that would attack first rather than call authorities and arrest him to stand trial merely for thepossible disgrace to their name it would cause. Through having the book in his possession either way was promised death sentence as when you’re imprisoned, you slowly die from neglect in the dungeons.
Fallenreaper


You could use this as what activated his magic though. The emotional shock of the situation is a good enough kick. Alternatively, the emotional shock of finding a horrid ritual and dead, mutilated body.
Rtron


He hid in the home where he found the manual scared and cold with his only friend being the lifeless head of his father. For two weeks he was inside the house surviving on begging for food and water and also practising Necromancy to try to revive the head of his father.

Keep in mind, the head would be rotting and likely bone after two weeks or something rather… unpleasant. In addition, as Rtron mentioned, practicing (which trying to revive his father’s head is) would be risking his health over and over. Too many times, he should’ve been dead. The fact he might’ve failed once could be a prime motivator to head to the college as well, so he can one day revive his father’s soul to the land of the living?
fallenreaper


After the two weeks he tried to move away from Eania but was found and chased away by her mother and her troops who were hunting him. Escaping thanks to the help of a traveling merchant the two traveled to Liem trying to stay as far away from Eania as he could.

There’s little to mention of him heading to the College… so you might want to add that if you’re still working on it, or determine how he decided to go to the college himself.
Fallenreaper


That traveling caravan could be one of Lucilia's merchants doing business in Eania . That would get him out of Eania and to the college, if you want to take that route.

Overall, most of what you've written can work, only some parts need to be switched. Namely, your character may find the book at the home, bring it home, get attacked by his mum, which would activate his mageblood cause of the trauma, then he would try (And likely fail) to use the book to resurrect his pop. All the while being chased by his mom. Then he would find the caravan and get to the college, somehow.
Lucius Cypher


Good Attributes: Is well versed in making clothing and repairing most fabric materials, Always trying to look for weakness in his enemies, Somewhat skilled with a sword but is not as well versed since he had little training with his mother.

Any other skills you feel are important to mention, no matter how small or big, they count.
Fallenreaper


Bad Attributes: Very poor social skills, little combat experience, Not very strong.
He is very nervous around people and has the tendency to ramble about dead bodies and things that would make people think he is crazy. He also stutters a bit when he is meeting new people always looking down at his feet when meeting with other people. Also he is not very strong having not very combat skills.

Secret Word: Ronald Mcdonald Rebirth

This is what i got so far.
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Ryonara
Raw
Avatar of Ryonara

Ryonara

Member Seen 2 yrs ago

@EliteCommander Just stopping by to let you know that Meirin is in a collab with Annabeth. They're sparring, so after me and Cypher finish up that collab I'll have Meirin find Ssarak back at her room.
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by EliteCommander
Raw
Avatar of EliteCommander

EliteCommander The Commander of Elites

Member Seen 2 hrs ago

Alright, he can be knocking on the door to an empty room then. I'll just leave him there and say he showed up just as she was returning, whenever you do that.
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Demonic Angel
Raw
Avatar of Demonic Angel

Demonic Angel I'm 1% Angel and 99% Devil. Woohoo!

Member Seen 3 yrs ago

@FallenreaperI think for this round Keri will get the stealth ring.
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Leon5431
Raw
Avatar of Leon5431

Leon5431 Balanced Imbalance

Member Seen 5 yrs ago

So I am still alive. ever so slightly

And done with finals, so in other words able to contribute again. Sorry, I made a few stupid mistakes through the semester and really had to scramble for the last threeish weeks to get my grades back up, so that's where I have been.

But all that aside, yes, I am here and still wanting to contribute.
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Demonic Angel
Raw
Avatar of Demonic Angel

Demonic Angel I'm 1% Angel and 99% Devil. Woohoo!

Member Seen 3 yrs ago

So I am still alive. ever so slightly

And done with finals, so in other words able to contribute again. Sorry, I made a few stupid mistakes through the semester and really had to scramble for the last threeish weeks to get my grades back up, so that's where I have been.

But all that aside, yes, I am here and still wanting to contribute.


*tackles Leo.* and now can't vanish again. :p
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by May
Raw
Avatar of May

May Just Damn Cute

Member Seen 6 yrs ago

I have returned home. But I'm pretty much dead. x.x
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Fallenreaper
Raw
GM
Avatar of Fallenreaper

Fallenreaper ღ~Lil' Emotional Cocktail~ღ

Member Seen 4 hrs ago

<Snipped quote by Leon5431>

*tackles Leo.* and now can't vanish again. :p


I have returned home. But I'm pretty much dead. x.x


Alright you, I still need your prizes you chose from the Hunt.
Hidden 8 yrs ago 8 yrs ago Post by May
Raw
Avatar of May

May Just Damn Cute

Member Seen 6 yrs ago

<Snipped quote by Demonic Angel>

<Snipped quote by May>

Alright you, I still need your prizes you chose from the Hunt.


Ah yes, knew I was forgetting something. Lemme look back at the options and I'll let you know.

Edit: I think I'd like the illumination ring.
↑ Top
1 Guest viewing this page
© 2007-2024
BBCode Cheatsheet