[@mdk]
[hider=Responses to the responses to the- wha]If I just had him shrugged, it doesn’t feel like the readers would have gotten to delve as deeply into the character. I like to put the reader into the heads of the characters, which means hearing their reasoning for their every move. … Anyway, yes. I will keep this in mind.

… I must say, I feel a little bit discouraged since you seem to have a lot more of a negative impression on your own cast than I got from reading. I mean, I pretty much just felt they were a cozy lovable family throughout 75% of the entry. Tony had a revenge plot? I never caught that. I never really saw Al as being a male thing, either. And I… quite like Maggie. She’s a sweet person. At least to me. … Oh, well.

It did feel like this was more intended to be the main story than that this was setting up for another story, I will admit. If this was just the first couple of chapters in a book, then it would probably have felt like it went too quickly. But, now when I read it as the main story, it felt perfect. Hm. Oh, well![/hider] 

[@Dark Wind] I was getting Ellri vibes from the entry myself. XD

[@The Grey Dust] Heh. Yepp. I see what you were going for. I didn’t see it as being reunited with his queen, more of having outwitted death, and causing him to die wasn’t even getting revenge at all, because that was going to happen anyway… Heh. Anyway. Well done. 

Now, then. Those two.

[hider=Response to Mag Lev][quote=@Mag Lev][hider=Just Take A Stroll]Pass

Lacks the use of "" for conversation and instead uses the singular apostrophes. Possess several errors in grammar and a misspelling of the word maneuvering. While the story itself is good, the way it is written makes for a bit lackluster read. Commas placed in certain areas weren't needed and other areas where they should have been.[/hider][/quote]

I totally read that wrong first and read it as “I’m not judging it. I’m passing it on to Terminal.” XD

No idea how to make a story that isn’t a lackluster read. Guess I’ll just say that “Since I can’t do better than this, this is good enough!”

Also, that word is hell. Partly because I use it so much, partly because I never spell it correctly on the first try. Anyways.

Thanks for the review~[/hider]

[hider=Response to Terminal][quote=@Terminal][hider=Just Take a Stroll]The usual smattering of inappropriate punctuation, but nearly no typos of note nor misplaced words. The most serious technical issue with the entry is, as Mag Lev indicated, your use of apostrophes rather than quotation marks to denote speech - which might be handwaved solely for stylistic reasons.

As far as the actual stories go, in some areas your your descriptive passages are simply amazing and wholly engaging. The identifying the Humans via their shoe markings, the inability to even perceive the rest of the Human body above roughly ankle-height - brilliant, small details that lend the story a significant degree of charm. In other areas however, your descriptions fall short - in particular I was disappointed with your summation of the Ghinites' civilization and city, which was essentially described as 'lots of goo.' 

Perhaps the most criminal example of that might be your description of the pad Akheria was reading near the start, which was almost literally described as 'a plate of goo with goo indentations for reading.' Are these creatures blind? WAre the indentations a different color, or is there some form of electromagnetic perception going on? I have no idea. If I had to guess I would say you got a bit caught up in the novelty of the concept and so were unable to wholly elaborate upon the nuance of the setting. My recommendation in this case is simply to use multiple variations upon a same theme if you find yourself constantly describing several details or elements with uniform or else highly simplified natures.[/hider][/quote]

Allow me to just accept the inappropriate punctuation, because I don’t know where it is or how to fix it. Hah.

… Well, the whole city IS a whole load of goo. It’s all composed of the same kind of material, which is produced by their own bodies, which result in the technology they have. And, um, on the pad, the indents are clearly visible, and they’re certainly not blind, I described them as having eyes… It wasn’t an important element. It was just… their kind of report. I actually HAD more description of said pad, but I cut it out because it wasn’t important. Er. Anyways. What do you mean with “multiple variations upon a same theme”? Sounds very useful, but I don’t understand what you mean. 

Thank you very much for the review. I am very happy that you found parts good enough to use such nice words to describe them~! It makes me smile a lot~![/hider]

[hider=About apostrophes for my dialogue]Allow me to just go and produce two books from two of my favorite authors. Lesse here. “The Diamond Throne” by David Eddings and “The Reality Dysfunction” by Peter F. Hamilton. Lesse, if I can find a random line of dialog in them… No, wait, that doesn’t matter. What DOES matter, is that both of them use the style of dialogue that I used in this entry. Due to this, I’ve always been under the impression that that’s how real authors typed dialogue. Since then, I’ve read more, and seen a rather balanced mix. But, um, yeah. I felt like using the style of the authors that I looked up to, without really knowing the rules for the style.

Besides that… I refuse to think that David Eddings and Peter F. Hamilton are somehow both [i]wrong[/i] in their choices of how they present dialogue. XD

Not to say the other style isn’t right, too. I just, well, wanted to try to do it that way. Yeah.[/hider]

Also, those Challenge Allocades are basically impossible for me to get anyway, so those ominous tones of you writing that “It’ll be worse in the final entry” I respond mostly with “As inevitably, then, since I’m powerless to do anything about that”. Haha.

Thank you for the reviews!