[hider=Review commentary][quote=@Vilageidiotx]Okay, so all and all you did pretty well. The pacing in the first part was pretty good, which is usually pretty tricky for battle scenes. The plot itself was well rounded and moved into itself, and you have a style of writing that is absolutely approachable so that no effort has to be taken by the reader to translate it. [/quote]
Thanks.

[quote=@Vilageidiotx]Criticism-wise, I have one thing to say that encapsulates the primary weakness; it feels like most of this is an outline for a novel rather than a stand-alone short story. If you imagine each scene as the gist of a chapter... yeh, this could easily expand into a novel. So after the first battle, it feels like you are rushing toward the end and perhaps neglecting the flesh of the story you are telling. There are also a few loose ends to note. A small one would be the relationship between Final-Form Mellin and Werek. With that it feels like you are trying to develop a plot point, where he likes her but she just isn't interested, but then it ends up not going anywhere so it sort of ends up feeling like you just wanted and excuse to describe her new boobs. The big one though is the moon. The situation with the moon is there, it is developed, and it is in the title, but it doesn't really do anything for the main plot. [/quote]Interesting. That might be true. We never had a precise ending in mind as we wrote. It was always "out there. Somewhere.". Given more time than we had at our disposal, we most definitely would've developed burgeoning plots further. The first battle and the section at "the Lord's" end shortly after it were both rewritten and given more flesh. Thus anything after that which wasn't fleshed out similarly would probably end up seeming more rushed.

The understanding of that post-transformation scene was fairly right. If we had developed it further, it would probably have either gone towards interest developing, or towards a firm rejection. Perhaps if we had gone deeper into each character and given them real life, they would've told us which it would be? While the intent never was as you said an "excuse to describe her new boobs", we suspect we failed at providing anything better in there, and seeing how he was male and she female, focus would fall on sexually dimorphic traits.

Same goes for the moon really. It didn't add anything to the main plot directly. 

[quote=@Vilageidiotx]To go back to that first criticism though, there is a positive thing you can take from that. Being like the outline of a novel means that, if you want to take the effort, you could easily expand what you have and end up with a novel. It'd be a matter of tying things together and writing more, but you do have something there to work with. [/quote]
Who knows? Maybe we should work further on this? even if it means scrapping the majority of the current text? We have a few concepts laying about that can be fitted in to better expand everything.[/hider]
Thanks for taking the time to review, [@Vilageidiotx].

We threw all our review commentaries into hiders so as to not flood the thread as much here.