I don't like being sad. 
I don't like waking up having good expectations for the day, fully aware that I'll get sad some time during the day. 
I don't like dragging myself down into the dirt.
I don't like me not having a job. 
I don't like me not having experience enough to get a job. 
I don't like me not working hard enough to get said experience. 
I don't lik myself that much. 

I feel like I'm overly depressed, even though I'm fully aware I'm not bad, and that I'm doing alright enough, 

But...

I feel alone.
All my friends don't leave close to me during the summer. 
And I don't want to intrude those I can contact, because I don't want to be an annoyance. 
I don't want to be annoying to annyone...but I don't want to be alone. 
But I do feel like I'm alone...

For over a year now. 

One year and ten days I've been alone.

And I hate it. 

God fucking damnit, I hate being alone. 

I hate liking people who'll like my back the same way. 

I hate being surrouned by people I'd like to be with.

And I hate pretending like everything's fine. 

Because their not. 

Life is shit, I'm drunk, and I'll wake up in the morning thinking I'm an idiot for feeling like this, only to end up in he same circle of hatred and sadness.