[@Silver][@McHaggis][@PlatinumSkink][@Holmishire]

[hider=Reply to Silver]
[quote=@Silver]	What a fantastic analogy for... something. What I liked most about the story is that it was so original (literally) that it can be viewed as a representation of many processes: the birth of the universe, the evolution of life, and perhaps, most aptly and forebodingly, the progression of humanity. It felt like a combination of Spore and World of Goo, and reminded me of stories I'd imagine as a child. Well done!
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Thank you for the review, I didn't know my idea was going to be so unique when I started it. You kind of got the point of the piece, as I was attempting to write a story without a linear idea. When I was writing the scenes were the Spark elevated it's initial existence, I admit, I was envisioning the "Cell Stage" planes on Spore for inspiration.
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[hider=Reply to McHaggis]
[quote=@McHaggis]
[color=8dc73f][b]+[/b][/color] Well-written and consistent all the way through. The writing is flawless and generally easy to get through despite the length – [i]smooth like butter[/i], one could say! The description was simplistic but added to the piece overall. Ending was good, poignant.

[color=ed1c24][b]-[/b][/color] Didn't have any strong feelings one way or another for the 'character' of the piece, mostly because it's one big analogy for whatever you want to apply it to. I get that this was the point, I just... wasn't very involved in the piece. I think that definitely contributes to why this review is so short - sorry!
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Thank you for the review, and the compliments. [i]*le'blush*[/i]. One of my favorite writing techniques is [i]The Full Circle[/i], as Holmishire said, when the beginning and ending are done in such a way that it appears that the cycle continues, forever, endlessly. You did nail the point there, it is kind of a huge figurative analogy for whatever you want it to be towards, the story itself can represent a lot of things up until the point where the Spark uses the power of the sun and kills itself. But in the end, that too could be a metaphor for something else, no?

I do agree however. I see now that while it was good, it wasn't very compelling to elicit anything other than perhaps a mild interest. Also, a short review is a still a review, and you've helped me grow as a writer. If the lesson here sticks anyways, I can be a little absentminded at times. Comes with the (self diagnosed) A.D.D. I suppose.
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[hider=Reply to PlatinumSkink]
[quote=@PlatinumSkink]
... Hah. Does this qualify as poetic? Regardless. This was very interesting to read. Evolution before my very eyes. If it does have a weakness, it would be that it doesn't go beyond “interesting”. It doesn't emotionally invest the reader or anything. But, it never was supposed to. So, Very, very well done.
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I'll assume the piece left you breathless and the [i]"... Hah"[/i] is your way of communicating that. To answer your first question, not traditionally I'd say. However, you are wrong. [i]"But, it never was supposed to."[/i] -I can see where you'd get this thought, but that was never my intention. I was trying to invest more than just interest in the reader, while trying to maintain a few other ideas. 

A couple of the things meant to accomplish this were; referring to the protagonist as "Our Spark", meant to give a sense of relation between yourself and the character, and breaking the narration to ask questions and answer itself. The narration was inspired from the way my Grandfather would tell stories to me. He'd narrate for a bit, and then turn to me and ask a question. It was meant to convey that kind of [i]elderly[/i] feel in the storytelling, albeit not strongly. 

Still, I appreciate the review and the compliments, so thank you.
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[hider=Reply to Holmishire]
[quote=@Holmishire]

>C+
[hider=Entry #2: the Spark]
Well written, with little in the way of technical errors. Choosing to forgo conventional approaches to short stories, this entry instead places a level of abstraction between the subject and the narration, translating what is essentially an amalgamation of the processes of evolution into the experience of a single spark.
 
Though this was not a poor choice in and of itself, it is notable that when a style is founded in a certain abstraction that limits the potential for variety, it becomes difficult to maintain a compelling narrative for long. Throughout the entry, the same base concepts are tread upon time and time again, of colours [COLOR=#888888]growing[/COLOR], [COLOR=#888888]consuming[/COLOR], [COLOR=#888888]merging[/COLOR], and [COLOR=#888888]being washed out[/COLOR]. Limited in how much it can stray from these, it becomes quickly apparent that the vocabulary accessible to explore these concepts is forced into repetition.

Beyond this ultimately self-imposed limit, it is always a challenge to connect with such stories personally, as the protagonist—in this case, the Spark—is less a character and more an idea. In essence, the main draw of this kind of entry is the uniqueness of its style, which really can only be novel for so long.
 
Still, there are some nice narrative techniques used, such as the full-circle created by the first/last sentence—«[COLOR=#999966]In the darkness, there was nothing[/color]»—or the way the narration reacted to its own words, reinforcing the ideological foundation from which this setting operates—«[COLOR=#888888][...][/color] [color=#999966]moving without purpose. Purpose. Was that next?[/COLOR]»
 
An ambitious attempt, and an interesting read.[/hider]
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[i]Is there anyway I can earn some, extra credit?[/i]. ^_^ I couldn't help myself. All joking aside I really appreciate the breakdown in your review. Instead of just continually reinforcing the same point, I have a bit more constructive criticism here that I can use to reflect on and improve myself as a writer. Thank you.

You've pretty much nailed all of my ideas here. It is a story of an evolution, but not a particular one. Nothing about this story is a particular, except for the story itself. Unfortunately, I agree, it also brings about a [i][u]particular[/u][/i] lack of connection to the reader.

The repetition was intentional. The theme of the piece is; Growth, Consumption, and Unity. With tones of the ramifications of aspiration. Referring to most things as "Colors" was just another way to abstract the piece further, and remove it from conventional ideals. Repetition of briefly mentioned concepts reinforces theme, and the vocabulary was kept relatively simple to promote smooth reading. I wanted it to flow, rather than have a reader stop to Google a word they may not be sure of.

However, I really do appreciate the fact that you picked up on those two techniques. Whereas the Full Circle is an obvious technique, the narration was a bit of personal inspiration based off of the way my Grandfather would tell stories to me. He'd pause, pose a question, and work in the answer, that he usually had to provide because my head was always in the clouds. 

Again, Thank you for the review, and the compliments.
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[hider=What was the inspiration behind The Spark?]
The Evolution of Social and Cultural Human Ideology. Meaning, A new cultural idea surfaces, at first we (as a whole) struggle with the idea, gradually (as a whole) we begin to accept it, yet there are always those who resist, and before we (as a whole) can fully come to terms with each other a new idea is ushered in, our social progress collapses, and the process starts all over. This is a personal few on the state of affairs in our society, and nationally speaking this refers only to the culture for which I am able to reflect and observe upon, as I am an American.
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