I sell witty comments that are generally random bullshit with tiny useful tidbits scattered in there (85%), partially duh "Did you know (something about a boss you killed 15 minutes ago) with a following comment of "Oh, you did that already? Oops." (5%) Something that ends with "zzz" and you get your money back (9%) Tiny chance of an easter egg (.5%) and finally the rare something ridiculously useful "Oh yeah, I picked this up after you one day. *plops a specialized sword that doubles your damage output on the ground*.

All at a price of only 750-1000 gold or so per comment.

My model would be a cross between
[img]http://vignette3.wikia.nocookie.net/diablo/images/d/dc/Madcow.gif/revision/latest?cb=20080818192657[/img] and [img]http://classic.battle.net/images/battle/diablo2exp/images/animations/npcs/act2/lysander.gif[/img]