[quote=@Cultural Titan]
[@Urbanliner]

Better on abilities.

Nothing really changed on the personality side, but that wording makes me hate it a lot less.

"As he joined, his rivals dropped out one by one as hard infantry training went on" seems at first to suggest that his rivals left because he joined and then that it was because of his training.

I take it English isn't your first language? its not a problem, but it may affect how I judge things.
[/quote]

I changed that sentence's wording to make it hopefully simply suggest that it was the training and not Brian being a mary sue, and yes, it's not my first language.

I'll make sure to proof-check stuff rather than zipping past it and calling it a day, so stuff I write will hopefully be clearer.