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Pat yourselves on the backs, ladies and gents, you've survived to see 2017. As we all recover from the partying we did last night celebrating the new number we have to memorize for signing paperwork, lets look back with pity on the surviving tributes of our Hunger Games still trapped behind us in the iron jaws of 2016. Only one of them will have the privilege of joining us in this brand new year. Today we'll see a fresh list of people who won't be that lucky one. 

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Hillary benghazis Obama. Sure it was Trump who beat her this year, but he's from the other party, that's what they are supposed to do. But Hillary didn't forget eight years ago, and she settles the score now. 

Birdie Sanders, still suffering from a sprained leg, injures himself yet again. Nobody has done anything to Birdie Sanders mind you, he keeps doing this to himself. Lets hope the Phantom of the Opera isn't hunting for squab. 

Bernie isn't doing too well either, and he just sort of falls in a frozen lake and dies while Jill Stein looks on from her Clinton style mud shelter. What's worse, CNN dregs his corpse out of the cold water and tea-bags poor Bernie one last time. 

Pokemon Go, Trump-pepe, Putin, and Stefan Karl Stefansson team up to take out Lincoln. Honest Abe still has it. It took a pretty powerful team (and PokemonGO) to take him out despite his handicapped fear of the woods.

Gary Johnson goes exploring, trying to find any other places he may not be aware of.

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HaleytheRandom takes time out of her busy construction schedule to go visit Betty White drinking urine on a hill and ask her for the sweet release of death. Betty White refuses, and HaleytheRandom is forced to look for another DIY to keep her occupied. 

Bowser discovers a river, showing himself a better explorer than Gary Johnson. He then secretly gives some of this newly found water to Chapa. 

Dat Boi doesn't abide bullies, and he kills Arnie in the back, killing him.

KnightShade collects left over schnapps from last night's festivities and gives them to his two favorite people in the world: Mr Rogers and Clocktower Echoes.

The circuit is dead in Shoryu Magami's trail mix house, possibly damaged in the blast that killed his roommate, Obama. Hopefully he gets that fixed. I'm also going to assume that he has inherited Obama's Chu-Ko-Nu.

Trump Chases MSNBC, probably trying to get himself some Joe Scarborough ass.

Rodrigo Duterte, leaving the United Kingdom of Great Britain, Ireland, and Cornucopia, is blessed from on high by AaronMK with life-giving memes. 

A Waifu, illegally immigrating into the Cornucopia, accidentally catches a glimpse of it's leader bathing in a stream. The Waifu stays, captivated by the pudgy frame, the middle aged skin covered in hair and discolorations, and she spends the afternoon watching.

An unknown sponsor heals the Prince, feeds the Baldwin, and arms Ziggy Stardust.

[url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=POdknqszMDY&feature=player_detailpage#t=123]"Death shouts his battle cry."[/url] I should be writing down all these death events for later book titles. 

The Deplorables look for water, not knowing of the Bowser River. Gene Wilder also goes looking for something. But for Leonardo DiCaprio, it is the matters of the heart that mean the most. He wants a thing he cannot find by exploring; he wants home. 

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Fifteen lay slain on the field of hunger games. Thirty three still live.