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Putin has been killed, David Bowie was murdered by an identity-confused Rodrigo Duterte, and the Chapatrap has no clothes. We start today's round of games with 13 living tributes. By the end of this post, only six will still draw breath.

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Bowser, his e-mail compromised, spends the fifth night whittling javelins and planning his revenge.

Chapa, naked and afraid, proves no match for Rodrigo Duterte with his gun and sword. Still, Rodrigo stays his weapons and instead resorts to cucking Chapa. I honestly don't know what that word means anymore, so I certainly don't know what it means in this context. 

A Waifu, having thus far spent the games chasing love and sneaking peeps at bathing men, comes out swinging and kills Birdie Sanders. Birdie spent the early game perpetually wounding himself, but he become impressive in the mid-game where he burned Trump to death and received an official Dicks Out. 

Shoryu seemed to be doing well when he conquered the Cornucopia, but his behavior since the conquest has been uneventful. First he caught fish he didn't need, now he fails to climb a tree, not only breaking his neck, but Leonardo's too. The last thing Leonardo was thinking about before he was smashed by a falling Shoryu was no doubt Clocktower Echoes. 

Shifty, having explored the arena, finds a place overrun with bats. He fights them off though, claiming a previously unexplored place in the arena as his own.

Jill Stein, after seeing the Basket of Deplorables kill Putin and shout a fearsome battle cry, falls in love, and convinces the Deplorables to reciprocate the relationship. 

Prince follows Bernie Sanders and Hillary Clinton into the drowning lake. You'd think a man capable of seeing into the future would know how to avoid such a simple death. But maybe he had not reason to avoid it at all, and seeing into 2017 he chose to take his own life in the most comfortable way he could think.

CNN, having sued Kellog, gets cornered by the government for tax fraud. Is this revenge, or did the lawsuit show discrepancies worthy of an audit? 

Clocktower Echoes receives food from an unknown sponsor. Probably the now dead Leonardo DiCaprio doing his version of that movie where Patrick Swayze is a ghost trying to use Whoopie Goldberg to bang a Demi Moore.

[img]http://i.imgur.com/QVpg5bk.png[/img]

Clocktower Echoes avenges David Bowie and Chapatrap by killing Rodrigo Duterte. Clocktower is getting brutal, having just killed Betty White the day before. What would Leonardo DiCaprio say about this? 

Bowser, a hand full of javelins, joins the class-action suit against Kellog.

A Waifu, the little birdie blood of Birdie Sanders dripping from her sickle, builds a shack to store Birdie as a trophy and prepare for the late game, where he newfound capacity for violence makes her a serious candidate.

"Dicks our for Jill Stein" is the new battlecry of the Basket of Deplorables. 

Shifty shows us how he fought off the bats, with his shifty bow and shifty arrows. 

Maybe not all was good in paradise. After cuddling with Jill Stein for one night, the Deplorables make a sudden desperate attempt to climb out of the arena. They fail and die.

CNN goes looking for corners of the arena where the IRS are not. 

[img]http://i.imgur.com/ZPQUZB4.png[/img]

We lose a few potential power players today. Though it shouldn't be a surprise that Chapa died after he burned all his clothes and had all his weapons stolen, there are some impressive names here. Rodrigo, despite being delusional, was well armed and on a succesful war path. The Deplorables, having killed Putin of all people, looked like a real contender right up until the moment they kill themselves escaping the tender grasp of Jill Stein. Shoryu conquered the Cornucopia, only to die in an accident falling out of a tree, meaning the Cornucopia itself, having first been held by Hitler, then by Boris Johnson, then by Shoryu, now lays abandoned. And Prince? He could see into the future, but he's still dead all the same. 

That leaves us with Jill Stein, Shifty Kebab Seller, CNN, Clocktower Echoes, A Waifu, and Bowser still in the running. One of those six will be the Champion of 2016. Next time, we will find out who takes the crown and goes home.