[center][img]http://i.imgur.com/vcyTlTu.png[/img][/center][center][img]http://i.imgur.com/3R5vYYi.png?2[/img][/center][hr][center][color=silver]𝕊𝕖𝕡𝕥. 𝟜, 𝟚𝟘𝟚𝟘   / /   𝕌𝕊𝔸ℝ𝕀𝕃ℕ 𝔼𝕒𝕤𝕥   / /   ℍ𝕠𝕤𝕡𝕚𝕥𝕒𝕝 𝔹𝕦𝕚𝕝𝕕𝕚𝕟𝕘 ℂ   / /  𝟘𝟜𝟙𝟙[/color][/center][hr]

[quote][i]The sun was bright here. Its light gleamed from every surface, searing into his retinas. So he closed his eyes, walking forward with his hands held in front of him, palms patting empty air.

Another hand gripped his, and he knew the heat and width of it. The shape of those fingers.

The strike of that fist.

[color=f7976a]'You can go straight to hell.'[/color]

Agreement from his lips, but he had forgotten the words. He only remembered to keep his eyes closed while the blows rained and the voice struck.[/i][/quote]

Christmas jolted back into reality, body still frozen in sleep paralysis and for a second he almost panicked again. It took long moments of gasping through the aftermath of a nightmare before he finally looked around the room, eyes straining to catch the details.

A hospital room, but the last thing he remembered was the prickling grass and smell of dirt as the end of a blue ribbon fluttered in his vision.

The ceiling held his attention for a long time as he floated in a fog of his own thoughts. He turned his head to the right, relieved to feel the familiar knot of the ribbon against his head. Proof that even he could do something right.

Memories surfaced in the fog, and he breathed out in a long exhale, slipping quickly into another train of thought.

[color=8493ca][i]Did we win...?[/i][/color]

He sat up stiffly, amazed to find himself hale and hearty, cold sweat and nightmare aside. It wasn't something he had the mind to ponder then, and confusion gave way to reluctant resignation. Things beyond his control. Terrors he didn't want to feel every time he tried to really think about everything. So he shoved the potential circumstances of his health into that landfill of things he didn't want to think about. The thought had felt like it extended too far into too many dark places about the who and the why and the--

[color=8493ca][i]Wasted on me.[/i][/color]

Frightening to be of worth at all. He could fear even that.

Swallowing a clunky, lumbering dread that threatened to spill his worst thoughts across his consciousness, Christmas found a distraction in the ragged state of his clothes.

He reached for the ribbon immediately, pulling on the tail end to undo the knot. There were small nicks in the length of the heavy muslin fabric that made up the thin ribbon and Christmas rubbed the cuts between his thumb and forefinger wistfully, knowing there was no way to restore the ribbon to its former state unless someone had a power to repair objects.

Bits of dirt and blood marred the cornflower blue of the cloth and he looked around for a sink or bathroom so he could try washing it. Finding none in sight, he tied the ribbon back into his hair, the motion fluid from years of repetition. 

If the rumors about this place were to be believed, he had basically gone to hell--as requested.

And there was that silly hope that somehow being stuck here evened it out. But he already knew things didn't work like that. 

The thought that he could easily find something sharp to stab into his neck surprised him. When had he convinced himself that there was only one way of fixing things? Just another series of 'bad ends' to avoid.

He regretted a bit the lack of injuries. For all that he couldn't tolerate pain, it had felt mostly appropriate. If he got what he deserved, then it wouldn't get worse. It was what he told himself every time.

[quote][i][color=f7976a]'You can go straight to hell.'[/color][/i][/quote]

But hadn't he already been there from the start?

His stomach hurt reflexively as a seeping discomfort spread from the depths of his mind, threatening to become something more. Christmas squeezed his eyes shut and laid back down, curling into himself as he waited for the ugly sensation to pass. By the time it faded away, he had lost himself in that torpor of thought again and sleep swallowed him without protest.