[center][b]Reviews[/b][/center]
[hider=Twilight Ultimatum]Having Norwegian ancestry, I definitely need to visit Norse mythology more often simply because of the vast richness and somber quality of the content. And, of course, because so many fantasy writers have used it as a basis for inspiration.

On that note, there are things I got, and things I didn't because of my lack of knowledge on the subject matter. Fenrir and Odin, Thor... admittedly had to look up the World Serpent (forgive me). Definitely going to do much reading after this. Back on topic, I'm assuming this touches upon Ragnarok by title and a few of the words written here. "All but two, then five" -- God, I love that even though whatever the reference is eludes me. A few typos here. "every" I believe should be 'ever' and 'presuers' either 'pressures' or 'pursuers'. Keep these in mind for a short piece, it's easier to edit this than a long story.

I think there is an underlying of immense, deep content here, and this poem has the potential to be a hard hitting short poem that efficiently uses its wording. With this, however, I feel like considering how little a lot of your readers may have you may need to think over the wording so it does not come off as vague. For me, I quite like this, I can hear an old priest speaking the words, ominous and foreboding. A few touch-ups could make this really striking, but as it is, it is still solid, good work. Thanks for the read![/hider]
[hider=The Golden Cage]Easy to see where the theme comes into play, a bound man/god resolute in his resolution to shatter the bonds that bind him and end the devastation that others have created in his name when in fact that was not his word at all. There's a mythological feel here...

And that's where I immediately jump to the idea that this is God, tormented where he sits imprisoned and powerless, watching his children spill blood for his sake. Even Jesus could work in this concept as well. I feel that this is an interesting meditation on spiritual constructs. 

My single desire was for this to be longer. I could not fully reach out to know our protagonist with a lack of specifics. I did want to know how he ended up there, why, and then how he'd plan to end this madness. Many questions without answers, just a resolution made without an end. Could be a epic story here.
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[hider=34 Seconds]Brevity is the soul of wit as they say. Well done, whomever you are. I've got a deep respect for writers who can efficiently structure short pieces with precise, quality wording that delivers the maximum punch. On top of all that, the title is fitting, and in those seconds you've written an excellent short that has a lot to say in such a short time. Hemingway-esque, one could say in terms of the short, terse writing. 

We may not know the names of these characters, but we know they're soldiers. A long, hard war wearing thin on all of them. Yet, they are still people making resolutions on New Year's and the dialogue feels true and relatable. Ah, authentic as well, you can distinguish their voices without even knowing their pasts. Quite a feat. And then, interweaving the inevitable impact of an incoming shell or shells (or perhaps a bomb) with the countdown. Simple, yet effective, extremely effective. The fragility of humanness is all here, and the costs of war shown without the typical cliches. 

Might be getting my vote here, this was superb.
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[hider=The Unlucky Number]Cute. I can't say there's a real sense of conflict here that I typically like seeing in my stories, an arc, perhaps. Not that short stories always need one in the typical sense, 34 Seconds proves that a thematic arc is as engaging as a character arc when done right. Love the specific details like the shirt, that's how you go about describing a characters clothes rather than getting too deep into it which is a mistake many writers make. 

Characterization was good, for the most part. The dialogue line about the one guy being 'too serious' may have been a bit too on the nose, but at the same time I feel like that can be a realistic conversation two people may have behind someone else's back. So, consider me torn on that, because we as readers can tell the guy can't take a joke. It's either not a problem or a problem, dependent on the reader. For me, it's both. TAKE THAT AS YOU WILL, lmao. 

Oh! It's a good practice to change completely boring and normal conversations. A lot of people are in the habit when they're writing the first time to do the 'good mornings' etc., but the resolution you've built up made a great twist on that whole entry line of a dialogue session. Nice work! 

As a story, this was just a little flat in terms of conflict and stakes. They don't even have to be big stakes, and perhaps it's just because the ending is just 'there' rather than feeling like an ending, ya' know? I feel like you're missing out on a cheeky joke or a wink at the reader that would work with the style of this piece. So, verdict: cute, and I enjoyed that, and I had a bit of a laugh which in the end, is not a failure whatsoever. Solid writing, Dragon Girl!
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[hider=Ashes of Illium]I've read the Aeneid but once. Regardless of the single-read, I enjoyed it more than The Odyssey (when it comes to these classic epics). Really, it's a hell of a story full of life and tragedy, and certainly it lives up to the ideas of an epic. Also, I can definitely use more accurate historical and general historical fiction in my life. Always enjoyable to see how people weave their own stories and tales associated to the content.

You're in the running for my vote, so it goes without saying that I enjoyed the hell out of this. Your descriptive wording was crisp and clear, nothing overly distracting from the scene. So often we get into describing the picture with a conglomeration of parts that ends up confusing the reader rather than immersing them. Easily, you avoided that problem. Seeing Troy fall from the viewpoint of Agenor and having Aeneas sidelined was absolutely an excellent story choice. God, I almost feel as though you could create your own fully-fleshed out story for this. It's condensed, thus I feel we have some trouble getting on with all the characters, however the dialogue did have its strong enough moments where we got the picture of them. And, perhaps, it's true in form really to the tale of Troy in itself. We can only know so much about these grand figures.

Perhaps you didn't want to take too many creative liberties with their characteristics? Regardless, we got the important things like the foreboding of the horse and the concern about it contrasted with those who were too relieved by the idea of victory and peace to properly inspect that horse. 

I think my favorite bit is the ending, and that's huge for me. Ending's have a habit of not feeling right often times, but Agenor meeting Pyrrhus sword for sword is simply... poetic, and epic, and resonates so well with the spirit of the whole story. Hmm, coming back to the dialogue, I do enjoy the tender word choice between husband and wife. That felt pretty real to me, and their archaic form of speaking also felt just right. Maybe I'm just greedy and I wanted more, but you probably had the proper balance on this end, or perhaps it's the difficulty of writing historical characters. 

Alas, in the end, this was a worthy tribute to the tragedy of Troy. Smooth read, well done, and the call back of the dream towards the ending was nice. THOUGH, also a bit conflicted there, meeting Pyrrhus on the field of battle, or streets in this case, felt like the proper ending against that epilogue of sorts. Both are good endings, either way. Just my preference.

Well done.

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[hider=A Reason To Go On]I've discussed this personally with you already, so you know how I feel. This is some of the best writing I've seen you display publicly, and from an improvement standpoint you have made great strides forward, truly impressive strides. You've got some serious talent that's dormant and needs continuous nurturing so I'ma nurture it as much as I can. I implore your ass to keep writing, keep working and editing this story. I know it's meant to be a fully fleshed novel, because the world-building implies that there should be a far greater number of pages.

And that is, of course, the serious flaw in the piece. The brevity does not allow it to breathe. I feel like we all could relate to Calantha and her desire to end the war. She's endured considerable loss, and while she can smile and be pleasant company you've written her in a way that the reader understands an aura of loneliness about here, a sense of solemn duty. That's quality writing. 

It is definitely a bit expository in certain areas, and perhaps there were moments where the prose became somewhat purple. Not often, I'll add, but I'll point out the beginning pieces. These are things I'm often guilty of and it's difficult learning writer's discipline (mostly you erase these through editing, anyway, so don't overthink as you write a first draft -- ALWAYS GET IT ALL OUT ON THE PAGE so you can see the sculpture inside of your block of ice before you begin cutting the chunks you didn't need). Anyway, the example would be when you said 'it was a beautiful sight'. On the nose, and it's telling rather than showing. Write a gorgeous scenery, and the reader shall know what they're witnessing is beautiful. The look in her eye as sadness -- GUILTY AF over here on my end, but this isn't as serious because well, fantasy novel writing has a different form of style and etiquette than something Cormac McCarthy, William Faulkner, Hemingway, Joyce, etc. would write. Still, I try to find slight ways to show that better, it's a hard task. Mostly, the good thing is, it can be done through dialogue, and you have good dialogue.


In the end, I don't know enough about Calantha other than some personality traits and the loss of her family. You did a good job with the amount you had here, but greater length would establish this world and the sense of adventure and difficulty she must go through before facing off against the false god. LOVE THAT IT'S A SNAKE DRAGON, ah, snake dragons, how I love you so. I'm imaging the moment of the novel where Calantha realizes her life must be cast aside to end this, and she embraces her duty, but we the audience, and her allies (perhaps a lover), do not. 

Things to mull over, really. Anyway, because I'm rambling you should know I liked this. Solid job, friend, really solid job.

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[hider=Phantom Legacy]I hereby second the question brought up by our distinguished reviewer, Silver. How do you pronounce 'Dubhloach'?

Speaking of names, Estella, Gordana, Lartius... I loved them, all unique choices fitting for a fantasy read. 

Perhaps this was a little too, melodramatic? Hm, maybe. Sometimes reactions felt a little exaggerated, but at the same time not so much. I love all things Braveheart, Titanic, and Gone With The Wind and melodrama are those films' MIDDLE NAMES. So, don't pay too much attention to this as a critique as much is it is an observation wondering how to portray things in a way that connects the readers better so that they're thinking the reactions are more in the line of how people react.

Like, when Gordana gets stabbed. That was brilliant. Everything about that scene felt right and horrifying and confusing and spilled out numerous questions that satisfied me as a reader going forward.

A note on action writing and tone: "The ground itself shook as the heavy boulders planted themselves into the gravel of the plaza."

This is meant to be intense, fast, bam-bam, shaking us as witnesses.

As a potentially better way to write it (I've added brackets for potential additions if you want Estella's first person view incorporated).

"The ground shook [beneath my feet], and heavy boulders smashed into the dirt. Upon impact, the gravel heaved into the air and like a volley of arrows, rained across the plaza."

Anyway, just a suggestion. Onward I go. I would like to know more of the lore surrounding Dubhloach and the nature of these dark powers. As it is, for the short story, you retain the air of mystery and foreboding around them which is an excellent decision. Always keep the reader in the dark and then sprinkle a few answers moving forward, and also add questions. I feel you successfully accomplished that with your ending's revelation.

In the end, I feel this suffers the same problems as 'A Reason To Go On'. Not long enough because there's a lot of tale to tell here. I could never quite become on the side of the protagonist or anyone else because we didn't spend enough time with them or learning their suffering. We are told that Estella suffers after the murder incident, but we never get to see it, and that's a place where more detail should be focused upon so we can sympathize with her. She's a simple server, not the highest person in the social order, so it must be even worse considering her upbringing that people treat her poorly. 

But you've got my interest, and your writing always improves. There's a fascinating tale here about a girl who suddenly receives dark powers, and I wonder what she will do or not do with them, or even if she will be able to truly be incapable of using them. 

So many questions have arisen! Good work, Platinum, I had fun with this.


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