ALRIGHT SOME PROFILES [hider=Doomfist] 8 Foot tall muscle Orc, part of a DnD campaign I participated in. He was known for being incredibly stupid and persistent in his goals. He once rolled up a body in a carpet and threw it at a sorcerer who was wielding a sword that never missed. The carpet/body were cut in half. This confused him for a few seconds, opening up an attack. He was often used for heavy labor like swimming up a gushing water pipe with a man, a gnome, and a halfling on his back. This was possible because I kept somehow rolling D20s.[/hider] [hider=Olsen and Walls] Olsen and Walls are two ghoul scientists from Fallout who were trapped in a bunker. They used robots they had accessed wirelessly to lure a squad of NCR soldiers into the bunker to help them break out of bunker lockdown. They're known for performing experiments on a spetznaz trained panther (feeding it nothing but mentats) which caused it to gain increased intelligence) and creating the massive robot S.A.T.A.N.O.S L.U.C.I.F.A.R.U.S B.E.E.Z.E.L.B.U.B (Supreme Artificial Tactical Armored Nuclear Overlord Systems - Biological Exterminator & Execution & Zymugy Enhancer of Liberty of the Battle Ready United Bombardiers - Liquidator of Unacceptable Communists Instigating the Fight of Anchorage Ravager of the United States). This thing had about 12 grenade launchers, 6 missile launchers, seventeen machine guns, four gatling guns, a massive railgun, and aiming software that was garbage. It would destroy "all lights for visual stealth" but because of shoddy programming by Olsen and Walls, it saw through thermal vision so destroying all light sources simply meant it destroyed the entire area it was in. This was good for the NCR soldiers, as it mostly missed them and hit everything else.[/hider] [hider=Dowr]A time traveling Chronomancer from the roguelike Tales of Maj'eyal. She's very dramatic and often likes to bring people on 'quests'. She was in a crossover rp where she had sent herself back in time because of THE INCIDENT and had wiped her memories because of how bad it was. All she knew is she sent herself back in time to stop it. This was probably the only rp where I got permission to create a time traveling character.[/hider] AND THE STORY [hider=It's all a Godhead Maaaaaan]Doomfist the Unslayable, an eight foot tall muscle laden orc was chewing on a meat hammock with relish. He occassionally threw a cart wheel on the fire and when he truly ran out of other peoples belongings to burn, he began to heave a hog tied and struggling fat man to the fire. He exclaimed, "Wait, you don't need to do this! That silver chest over there, the key is in that lockbox you threw into the fire! There's a small idol of Akatosh you can burn!" Doomfist set him down, "WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SO?" he shouted almost an inch from the mans face. [i]Thank Talos[/i], the man thought, his wit providing him another 5 minutes of life. Doomfist reached into the fire with his bare hands, much to the mans horror, and retrieved the key. Doomfist stuck the key into the lock. He was just about to turn the key, when he felt more than heard a stomach churning BOOM. He turned, looking in the direction he thought he had not heard the noise. He handed the box to the fat man, "OPEN THIS WHILE I'M GONE. I THINK I NEED TO HIT SOMETHING UNTIL IT STOPS." He walked through the forest, battle axe in hand. What he saw didn't surprise him, it was clearly two sentient zombies stumbling out of a pure metal box that said, "PRESERVATION SHELTER". They were both wearing strange white coats with blue dirty pants. One of them, the thicker set of the two, pointed at Doomfist. "Olsen, look, see, an Orc! I told you we travelled too far into the past, now we're in the Fantasy Ages!" Across from him, Olsen much more calmly said, "No, Walls. The Fantasy Ages aren't real, we proved that in our college thesis, remember? This is clearly an alternate dimension. Possibly literally Lord of the Rings." Doomfist said, "OK, YOU TWO BETTER TELL ME WHICH OF YOU ZOMBIES TO KILL FIRST BEFORE I START SWINGING." Walls laughed, "We're not zombies buddo, we're ghouls!" Doomfist paused, reaching into his pouch. He put on a small pair of spectacles and began reading through a tome labelled [i]MONSTER SLAYERS MANUAL[/i]. He threw the book to the floor, grabbing his axe, "THAT'S EVEN WORSE! OK WE'RE DOING THIS THE OLD FASHIONED WAY. I TURN AROUND AND IF YOU AREN'T DEAD BY THE TIME I TURN BACK TO FACE YOU, I'LL KILL YOU." He turned around. When he turned around again, Olsen and Walls had already fled. He shouted, "HEY COME BACK, I KNOW WHERE YOU DON'T LIVE. THAT MEANS ALL I HAVE TO DO IS EXPLORE EVERY PLACE YOU AREN'T AND I'LL FIND YOU EVENTUALLY." He started trekking through the forest. He eventually gave up when he heard the call of what he was sure was an Owlbear and headed back towards the campfire. When he returned, he saw a dirty woman in troupe uniform trying to free the fat man from his knot. He didn't think she was a zombie, or a ghoul, but thought that she might possibly be a vampire. Well, he knew how to kill those. Hit them really hard with an axe until they stopped moving, then eat the body to be sure. Just like everything else. He raised the axe, then the woman said, "Waaaaaaait a minute big guy!" she smiled. He stopped his axe mid swing, though with his muscle mass he could probably swing it at half rotation and still split her in two. "YES?" he said. "I'm Raelyn and this isn't what it looks like!" "IT LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE A DREAMFORM I HAVE TO KILL SO I CAN KILL THAT OTHER DREAMFORM I WAS GOING TO KILL." "What is a dreamform, if I may ask?" "A BODY FORMED FROM DREAM MATTER. DON'T YOU KNOW THIS IS A DREAMWORLD, FORMED FROM MICHAEL KIRKBRIDES GODHEAD?" "That sounds a tad daft to be honest." "YOU'RE DAFT. WAIT, WHY AM I ARGUING WITH A DREAMFORM." The axe an inch from her head when Olsen and Walls burst from a nearby bush, "Wait!" they said at the same time. "That's entirely unnecessary!" said Olsen. Walls chimed in, "That's right, you can kill us instead!" Olsen said rather quickly, "No no no, let's not do that. How about we all sit down and talk this over a nice box of dandy apples." "So" Raelyn began, warming herself in front of the fire. "You're from Faerun? What's that like?" "I GOT STABBED BY TEN SENTIENT DOLLS AT ONCE. THEN I RIPPED A MANS TONGUE OUT SO HE WOULDN'T SCREAM." Doomfist swallowed a dandy apple whole. "That doesn't sound like it would work." Olsen chimed in, "The blood loss would be substantial. We once considered building a robot that did nothing but remove peoples tongues, but the logistics of that were astounding." Walls said, "Right? First, finding someone with the stamina to have their tongue removed more than once. Nevermind all those silly laws saying we can't just rip a criminals tongue out without permission." Raelyn gave Walls a look that said, I'm not quite sure how I got into this situation but I am regretting every second of it. "So, you two build robots? Are those like Dwemer constructions?" Olsen said, "Maybe. Are Dwemer constructions metal and programmed to fire with prejudice at unpatriotic communists?" Raelyn narrowed her eyes, "Communists?" "The worst thing ever. Think of like, what was that thing called again Doomfist?" "ELVES." "Right, that." Raelyn nodded in understanding, "Right! Communists! So you only hurt terrible people then?" Though she wasn't sure she trusted what appeared to be two time travelling liches. Walls exclaimed, "Of course! If communists weren't evil, why would they be called communists? That's the word for evil in the bible, last time I checked." Raelyn felt like this was grossly inaccurate, but said nothing. She tried to regain her footing with Doomfist, "So, while I have you here, know any good songs?" "NO, BUT CAN YOU WRITE ONE ABOUT ME?" "No." Minutes later, Raelyns left arm was broken and she was holding a sheet of lyrics Doomfist wrote himself. She said, through tears, "Alright, here we go." She breathed in deeply and sang, "Doomfist is great, Doomfist is mighty. Doomfist once killed two dragons with his fists." She looked up at him, "This doesn't even rhyme!" "THAT'S A NICE OTHER ARM YOU HAVE THERE." She shuddered, quickly going back to reading. "He is great with women and never, ever sleeps with them without permission. Why would he do that? He's so handsome they're just falling on top of him all the time. Not Doomfist, for he is the best." "AMAZING." "One time, he totally slew a woman in her dreamform. Like, he did it. That's just the kind of great warrior he is, Doomfist. Really the best." "PERFECT." He looked at Olsen and Walls, who were the forced audience. Both of them had a swollen eye. "WHAT DO YOU THINK?" Olsen said, flatly, "That is the best song I have ever heard." Walls shouted, "That was the best song! I have never heard better and I listened to all of Frank Sinatras Greatest Hits." Seemingly for no reason, the air rippled and what could be described as an aperture into a starry void opened nearby. Doomfist grabbed Raelyn, holding her in front of himself. A woman stepped out of the portal in a simple hooded robe, her skin pale and thin, holding a staff. Doomfist shouted, "DON'T MOVE. I'LL BREAK RAELYNS OTHER ARM, THEN WHAT WILL THERE BE LEFT TO BREAK?" Raelyn sputtered, "Maybe her arm? She has a breakable arm, look at it! It's like a twig!" The mysterious woman said, "There are an infinite sea of possibilities, so you can break her arm in infinite timelines!" Doomfists face had the expression of a child who just realized silly putty exists, "REALLY? I COULD BREAK THIS WOMANS ARM IN EVERY UNIVERSE? WHAT IS YOUR NAME, STAR WOMAN." "I am Dowr, the Chronomancer!" Walls butted in, "Are you from the Fantasy Ages?" Dowr said, "Yes! That is the age from which I have travelled from. I have come here to gather a party of heroes-" "TO BREAK RAELYNS ARM IN EVERY TIMELINE?" "No, but I'm not going to stop you from achieving your dreams." Olsen asked, "Even our dreams of making a weapon that can kill God?" "Well, you've already achieved that in timeline seven." Olsens face turned red, "I did? I'm going to kill me! Where am I?" Doomfist stepped towards the portal, apparently having forgotten Raelyn, "YEAH, I NEED TO KILL MYSELF TOO! I GAMBLED ALL MY GOLD AWAY, FUCK ME!" Dowr said, "Well, I mean, that's not really the purpose-" then Doomfist snapped her neck in one smooth motion. Her body crumpled to the floor. Raelyn said, "Oh come on, she was magic she could have fixed my arm!" Olsen stepped forward, "Where we're going, we don't need arms." --- Michael Kirkbride awoke in a cold sweat. What had he just dreamed? He lifted his head from his desk, completely naked and drinking a bottle of vodka. His computer had a document open, "VIVEC SERMONS." He must have gotten drunk and written up something, he usually forgot why. He took another swig of vodka. Then there was a pounding at the door. He slipped on a pair of jeans and went to answer the door. When he opened it, Doomfist, Raelyn, Olsen and Walls were standing outside his door. He screamed. [/hider] [@Leidenschaft] [hider=HIDDEN][img]https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/1c/89/06/1c8906fad6a2a3fd124a5ff3dff8617a.jpg[/img][/hider]