[center] [img]http://i65.tinypic.com/28hztyw.png[/img][img]http://i67.tinypic.com/2pzxlvr.png[/img][img]http://i63.tinypic.com/2h84geb.jpg[/img][img]http://i68.tinypic.com/33k63bc.jpg[/img] [h3][color cyan]Sander[/color] | [color=lightcoral]Lily[/color] | [color=8493ca]Christmas[/color] | [color=f7976a]Fredric[/color][/h3] [img]http://i.imgur.com/3R5vYYi.png?2[/img] [hr]𝕊𝕖𝕡𝕥. 𝟟, 𝟚𝟘𝟚𝟘 / / 𝕌𝕊𝔸ℝ𝕀𝕃ℕ 𝔼𝕒𝕤𝕥 / / 𝕊𝕖𝕔𝕦𝕣𝕚𝕥𝕪 𝕆𝕦𝕥𝕡𝕠𝕤𝕥: 𝕆𝕓𝕤𝕖𝕣𝕧𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟 ℝ𝕠𝕠𝕞 𝟚 / / 𝟙𝟟𝟚𝟘[hr] [sub]Collab with [@RedDusk] [@Kyrisse] [@January] [@Baklava] [/sub][/center] Christmas had been watching the replaying scenes of the battlefield, at last aware of what had happened during his time in the sewer. Monsters. And he was one of them. He had almost lulled himself into believing that this could be a normal school--no, prison. Confinement he could at least fathom, even if he could hardly bear the serious thought of it, but the horrifying sight of Kusari cutting off her own limbs and sprouting monstrous ones and the blind fury with which Sander fought reminded him, in high definition, of what exactly they were. What, exactly, [i]he[/i] was. And there was something so miserably pathetic about watching himself shaking in the sewers juxtaposed with the rest of them pummeling each other into the ground. Like he couldn't even be a proper monster, let alone a person. Before he could wallow in his own misery for too long, someone approached--the scarred student who had fought against Kusari. The one who looked like he teleported back and forth. Who was now pitching a pretzel at Sander and shouting about Sander's lack of clothes on one of the screens. He remained silent throughout the raised voices, keeping his eyes on the plastic bowl of popcorn nearby and only looking up for a second at a new voice from a white-haired boy he didn't recognize. It wasn't his business and he frankly had no idea what had happened anyway. Moving away from the awkward situation (and moving in general) was out of the question if he wanted to avoid drawing any attention to himself, so he breathed as imperceptibly as possible, hoping the uncomfortable situation would settle down soon. It didn't. Kusari interjected and Christmas avoided looking at her as much as possible, the sight of her abomination limbs coupled with the knowledge of how she grew them now soundly grotesque to him. He should have empathized with her--with a power that demanded self-harm to function--but the scene replayed behind her. Human arms on the floor. A tentacle sprouting from the stump, a clawed, bone-like arm from the other. Monster. He couldn't even bring himself to try. When Kusari finally relented, Christmas snuck a peek at Sander, comparing the tired, pale roommate near him to the raging demon on the screens. He didn't return Sander's nod, eyes searching the taller boy's face for an answer to a question he didn't dare ask. He simply watched as Sander fell asleep on the pile of towels, afraid to think on more than the present. Lily pulled out a seat and sat down next to Christmas. The way he looked before the game started flashed through her mind, followed by that cry of pain earlier from his self inflicted wound. It really wasn't fun hurting yourself. That was why she didn't want to shoot herself in the leg during that fight with the fish monster. [color=lightcoral]"Are you okay?"[/color] she asked tentatively, realizing belatedly how stupid the question was. Of course he wasn't okay. The boy was placed in a sewer and made to cut himself to heal everyone. Which part of that was he supposed to be okay with? Without really thinking about it, Lily's black thread fastened itself around the boy's wrist, transferring his self inflicted injury to herself. She grimaced as the cut appeared on her arm. She stared at it. It wasn't a deep cut but the shallow ones were always the most painful. It wasn't something she can't tolerate though. She was one of the lucky ones who were not injured (or maybe even the only one) and when she thought about it, taking his wound was the least she could do for not helping out earlier. [color=lightcoral]"The question was stupid. I'm sorry. I hope that makes things a little bit better for you,"[/color] she said. Christmas barely registered the girl sitting down beside him, focused as he was on remaining as invisible as possible without actually having that power. Her question took him by surprise--not because he thought the answer was obvious, but because he thought the question was...too unexpected. He didn't know her. He hadn't even bothered asking her name earlier, and he had taken more time than he had liked just realizing she was the girl who had been taken away with him before the game. So why did it matter to her if he was okay or not? His own power didn't even have that concern for him. Wasn't this just a matter of course? He had no response in the blur of bewilderment and slow comprehension, flinching slightly when the thread appeared and blinking stupidly when she took the newest injury away, eyes wide as he watched the spot of blood spread on her arm. Relief that the pain was gone, followed by that murky feeling in the pit of his stomach. His left hand moved over his stomach protectively, almost without his notice. [color 8493ca]"Th-thank you...?"[/color] he whispered it out like a question. [color 8493ca]"Thank you,"[/color] he tried again quickly, ducking his head, afraid of breaking the tension in the air. He stared at the older injury, bandaged in the palm of his right hand, before adding in a reluctant request, [color 8493ca]"Could you--would you..."[/color] he flicked his eyes to the X on her throat and forced himself to look back down, [color 8493ca]"...give it back? ...P-please."[/color] Lily had no idea if the boy was scared of her or if he was just extremely timid. She followed his gaze towards his bandaged right hand and nodded even before he spoke. [color=lightcoral][i]Oh, the old injury is probably bothering him,[/i][/color] she thought to herself as the black thread once again wrapped itself around Christmas' wrist, rendering it woundless. The dull pain didn't seem to bother Lily but she still felt that urge to make someone...anyone feel the same pain as she was feeling. She shook her head to clear it. There was no one here worth injuring. [color=lightcoral][i]The Director maybe... for putting everyone through this...[/i][/color] her thoughts turned to a darker route but it was interrupted by a reluctant request from the boy she had just taken the injuries from. She raised an eyebrow as she caught only the end of his request. [color=lightcoral]'Give it back? Why? You healed everyone. You deserve not to be hurt."[/color] She leaned forward and studied his face. Was he serious with that request? She took the injury from his hand, too. If he could describe it, he'd compare the break in thoughts to a TV cutting into static. What he deserved? It would have been easy to let the girl decide that for him. Easy to nod and just let it happen for his own convenience. He wanted to. And he was afraid that he did. Like whatever was left of some small amount of pride he had scraped together would leave--no, would be taken away. [color 8493ca][i]Please listen.[/i][/color] [color 8493ca]"Please,"[/color] he whispered again, not meeting her eyes. [color=lightcoral]"Hmmm?"[/color] Lily's attention was already somewhere else, particularly on the plate of treats nearby. [color=lightcoral]"Please what?"[/color] she asked, reaching out for the bowl of popcorn. She popped several into her mouth and then extended it towards Christmas, the pain from moving her injured arm apparently not bothering her. [color=lightcoral]"Want some?"[/color] she asked cheerfully. He watched her lose track of the conversation, a mixture of strange despair and relief on his face when she offered him some of the popcorn. Christmas looked at the snack in her hand like its existence was a terrible mistake. What else was there for him if he couldn't even manage this properly? Not a desire to improve. Just a desperate clinging to something definite. [color 8493ca][i]Please listen.[/i][/color] His breath hitched in his throat as the stomachache tugged at his attention, pulling the fingers of his left hand into a loose grip on his shirt, clutching the fabric where his stomach was. Christmas took shallow breaths, still staring at the girl's hand offering him food. [color 8493ca]"Please give the injuries back."[/color] [color 8493ca][i]Please listen.[/i][/color] Lily's eyebrow arched up again as she pushed the popcorn bowl away. [color=lightcoral][i]Huh. I guess he's serious about it.[/i][/color] [i]Give it back, four fold. Make him regret it.[/i] [color=lightcoral][i]Hmmm? What? Who's speaking?[/i][/color] Lily looked around, confused. No one spoke. It was the voices in her head. It was no more than a whisper yet she could feel that irresistible tug to do what it was telling her to. She tried to shake off both the voice and the feeling. She reached out and poked Christmas' arm where his self inflicted injury had been only minutes ago. [color=lightcoral]"Doesn't it feel nice not to be hurt anymore?'[/color] she asked even as her mind was again interrupted by that insistent voice. [i]Make him regret it.[/i] [color 8493ca]"...I don't know,"[/color] he finally looked up at her, feeling the light pressure of the finger against his arm. The hornets in his stomach buzzed enough that he thought he could hear them in the pulse hammering against his ear. "Nice" was almost any other sensation. [color 8493ca]"I don't know,"[/color] he said again, voice tiny and unsteady, [color 8493ca]"but...they're not yours to take."[/color] The small golden eyed girl didn't seemed fazed by how strange their conversation was turning out to be. She looked around as if looking for somebody. [color=lightcoral]"Well, I don't see anyone else here who can take injuries like I can. So, if there aren't any other Lilies around, who's supposed to heal you?"[/color] she argued, determined not to give in to the insistent voices in her head. Breathing was harder with his rapid heartbeats in the way. Christmas shook his head, teeth clenched against the thrumming nausea and muted strain of what felt like heat shattering in his stomach. From buzzing to boiling and in-between that was something he was afraid to acknowledge. Somewhere in that din, a mindless recognition of her name pinged once and faded, his stray thoughts evaporating in that feverish distress. He doubled over, body visibly trembling as he leaned against the table. [color 8493ca]"N--"[/color] the sound fell away into a quiet groan lost to the floor. [color 8493ca]"No--no one."[/color] Lily was taken aback when Christmas doubled over. [color=lightcoral]"W-what's wrong?"[/color] she asked, taking a quick glance at her arm. She still had his injuries. Did he have more? She stared at him for a long moment but nothing registered. He was fine. So, why did he look as if he was in great pain? The small girl panicked. [color=lightcoral]"D-do you want water? Or or... err... donuts? Or..."[/color] she glanced over to Sander. [color=lightcoral]"I can get your friend there for you, if you want,"[/color] she suggested hastily. He didn't hear her--not clearly. Hard to focus when he couldn't breathe, when the world sounded like he was listening through water, when the muddy apprehension in the pit of his stomach was churning and overflowing into his veins. [color 8493ca][i]I'm here,[/i][/color] he thought to himself, the nonsense mantra like a ward against the poison. A shaking hand gripped the edge of the table, pulling his upper torso onto the cool, wooden surface where he propped his head on his forearm, doing his best to breathe. The end of her suggestions filtered through the pounding in his ear and Christmas couldn't spare the movement to shake his head. [quote][color f7976a][i]"You're okay, Snowflake. Remember?"[/i][/color][/quote] [color 8493ca]"I'm...okay,"[/color] he fell back on that familiar phrase, voice strained and muffled--barely audible, even to himself. [color 8493ca][i]But you don't hear me.[/i][/color] What was wrong with this boy? Lily sat there gawking at him, trying to figure out what the heck was wrong and if it was something she did or said. She checked the injuries again. Yes, they were still on her. So what was...? [color=lightcoral][i]Did he...maybe stay too long down that sewer? Or...Or maybe I shouldn't bother trying to figure him out. But...but then that'd be so sad...[/i][/color] She thought, leaning back on her chair with a pout on her face. She wanted to at least try to befriend someone... In the silence that followed the claim about his state of being, Christmas was able to close his eyes for a bit and just breathe. It was tiring to withstand the... His mind skipped over the acknowledgement again, scurrying towards a tangent that would both help and only make things worse, in succession. Between frivolous thoughts of "being nice" and some other end of the spectrum that floated beyond the lines he had drawn for himself, he wanted to remain within sight. [i]Here.[/i] And he wasn't nice, but he wanted to be. And "nice" wasn't letting some stranger he barely knew take the pain for him ([color 8493ca][i]Right? ...RIght?[/i][/color]), even if it meant that dreadful song and dance again where he did and didn't want to do the "nice" thing. [color 8493ca][i]I'm here.[/i][/color] Why was it that even his own injuries were no longer his choice to keep? His stomach was still knotting and unknotting, still buzzing, still boiling--all the sensations he had never tried voicing and didn't ever want to. But at least his breath was back, if only in part. He turned to face Lily. Slowly. The weight of his own body was an anchor as he lifted his head. [color 8493ca]"Would you give it back, please?"[/color] he asked again in a quavering murmur. A broken record. [color 8493ca][i]But you don't hear me.[/i][/color] Lily blinked. He really did want the injuries back. [color=lightcoral][i]So weird...even weirder than me.[/i][/color] The voices in her head began speaking again, this time a little louder, a little more insistent. [i]Give it back. Make him pay. Make him regret it. Make him cry out. Make him beg.[/i] The boy's strange request had successfully fueled her destructive craving. Should she just give in to it? It was definitely tempting. Being pain free didn't sound so bad either. But part of her still wanted to see this frail looking boy be at ease. He seemed to be scared and withdrawn all the time. She shook her head. [color=lightcoral]"No,"[/color] she firmly said and stood up. Without another thought, she walked over to where Sander was and poked him twice on the arm. Of all the people there, it was this boy who Christmas seemed to be most comfortable with. Or at least, that was what she thought. [color=lightcoral]"Wake up. Your friend there is having some sort of...uh...maybe mental breakdown,"[/color] she said a little flatly. [i]Mental breakdown.[/i] Strange for someone like her to use those words. His heart jumped to his throat when the girl ([color 8493ca][i]Lily.[/i][/color]) poked Sander. [color 8493ca][i]No. No.[/i][/color] It was agonizing to sit up, but he had to. He was "okay." [color 8493ca][i]Why won't she just--[/i][/color] Wrong. [color 8493ca][i]Why can't I just--[/i][/color] Too late. Sander was awake. Sander’s eyes snapped open and he quickly straightened himself from his previous position. He turned to whoever poked his arm, only to come face to face with a vaguely familiar girl. He blinked once recalling the papers Angel had showed them before the match. This was Lily, their healer. His eyes flicked to the open wounds on her arm, finally noticing the sweet but tart scent of strawberries in the air. Swallowing drily, he shut off his ability again. [i]Fourth time, now.[/i] He turned his gaze to Christmas, who looked very much unwell, just as Lily said –“[color=cyan]Uh, mental breakdown?[/color]” -He raised his eyebrows, turning his gaze to the nearby guards momentarily, then back at Lily –“[color=cyan]Do you need my help?[/color]” Christmas shook his head, breaths stuttering. [color 8493ca]" 'M--okay,"[/color] he stammered immediately. Lily looked back at Christmas then at Sander. She pointed towards the blonde boy. [color=lightcoral]"You're his friend, right? Go... comfort him... Or I dunno... make him right."[/color] [color 8493ca]"I'm o--"[/color] the roiling breathlessness cut into his meaningless assurance for a split second, [color 8493ca]"--kay."[/color] Sander hastily stood up from his seat. While he still looked as if he hadn’t quite done processing Lily’s request, he turned to Christmas regardless, a hand reached out to touch the blond boy’s shoulder tentatively. But didn’t the boy say he was okay? He didn’t look fine, but… Sander retracted his hand, hesitation set in. “[color=cyan]Um…Christmas? Do you need anything? I can get some of the paramedics?[/color]” -He glanced at the guards again, half-hoping someone would notice the situation and come over. The other half wished he could do something to help. But he couldn't. He shouldn't. “[color=cyan]Do you need to…leave?[/color]” [quote][color f7976a][i]"Nope. You're okay."[/i][/color][/quote] The pressure of Sander's hand on his shoulder reminded him to speak. Reminded him that this wasn't appropriate behavior. Two wrongs that he had wished would make a right between his bits and pieces of a family and his bits and pieces of a relationship that had spiraled far beyond him. And it was his mother's hand on his shoulder again, her mannequin smile in front of his face. [quote][color f7976a][i]"Christmas. You're not being a good boy right now."[/i][/color][/quote] The pandemonium in his head shut off immediately. His mind and body knew in unison that a mannequin couldn't hear. All that remained now was a cold dread plunging into his stomach and scattering the heat to icy shards, leaving nothing but his trembling shoulders in the aftermath. Luckily, Sander withdrew the hand soon enough. [color 8493ca]"I'm...okay."[/color] He nodded blankly at the table to confirm the statement. [color 8493ca]"I'm okay."[/color] At his roommate’s insistence, Sander relented. He hovered around the blond boy though, eyes turning to Lily as if asking [i]Now what?[/i] After a short moment of silence, he finally decided to ask -"[color=cyan]What happened?[/color]" Christmas sat still, keeping his head down and his eyes fixed on the striations of the table's wooden surface. Lily looked at Sander, giving him an 'I don't know, he's your friend, go figure him out' look. But when he asked, she sighed. [color=lightcoral]"I thought I'd give him a little break from having to heal everyone and end up being the only one hurt,"[/color] she lifted her arm to show him the open wound there. It wasn't bleeding but it was still fresh. The older wound wasn't as fresh as the one Christmas had inflicted but it didn't look too good either. [color=lightcoral]"He said he wanted them back..."[/color] her voice trailed off as the voices in her head began speaking once more. [i]Give the wounds back. Give them back. Make it two folds, make it three folds. Make it hurt.[/i] It was almost a musical chant and as Lily inadvertantly focused on the words, the black string appeared on her wrist, the other end hovering above her head. She shook her head to clear it and focused her attention back to Sander. [color=lightcoral]"I mean, it is his wounds. But..."[/color] The string promptly disappeared. [i]Make him hurt. Make him regret.[/i] Her eyes took on a darker shade of gold as she stared at the tall boy. [color=lightcoral]"Should I?"[/color] she asked. There was no response from Christmas's end. He didn't even look up. Instead, his hands kneaded each other for a while before tugging on the ribbon around his wrist. The movement was muscle memory, almost automatic, and he had tied it back into his hair within seconds. His hands returned to their busywork, nearly clawing on each other. “[color=cyan]You…took his wounds?[/color]”-Sander stared at Lily, narrowing his eyes at the X mark on her neck, then at the black string before it disappeared –“[color=cyan]Maybe because he didn’t want you to get hurt?[/color]” –He exhaled, renewing his focus through the haze of the withdrawal. “[color=cyan]You can give them to me.[/color]”- He said finally, a strange look in his eyes that seemed almost like apprehension –“[color=cyan]The wounds, I mean. I can take it. I heal fast.[/color]” [i]That[/i] got his attention. Christmas looked at Sander, mouth open to say something in protest as the conditioned reactions floundered in the absence of the usual follow-up. Right. Right. He was here. Not home. Home had never left a bowl of popcorn out for him. Silly little thoughts, but for once they drove his mother away. Lily's mouth fell open as she looked from Sander to Christmas then back again to Sander. [color=lightcoral]"He wants the injuries back and then you want it too. Are you guys nuts?"[/color] she scratched her head. Christmas's hand was around Lily's wrist before he had even realized what he was doing. His grip was light, unsure, and his arm hadn't yet ceased its shaking, but it was too late to avoid saying something now. [color 8493ca]"Just--"[/color] he didn't finish, looking up at her instead, his eyes pleading with a tinge of panic. Somehow, an idea wormed its way into Lily's head and despite the confusing situation she was in, she grinned at Christmas. His grip on her wrist was gentle. [color=lightcoral]"Oooh, you don't want tall guy here to be hurt, huh?"[/color] She looked at Sander. [color=lightcoral]"I'm supposed to be a healer despite this X mark here,"[/color] she pointed at the base of her throat. [color=lightcoral]"I'm not gonna ask for anything in return you know..."[/color] she paused, looking thoughtful. [i]That's a lie. You want them hurt in return. Do it. Do it now.[/i] The voices were affecting Lily and it was taking a toll on her mood. Her black string appeared and disappeared on her wrist several times. She shook her head again in an effort to clear it and drive away the intrusive, destructive thoughts. [color=lightcoral]"...or maybe you can just give me donuts,"[/color] she finished, her tone taking on a sad note. Christmas let go of her wrist, looking back down at the ground as his hands worked at each other again. “[color=cyan]You have seen me out there. I can take it. I’ll be fine.[/color]” –Sander reasoned, lowering his gaze to Lily’s newly acquired wounds again –“[color=cyan]Those might scar.[/color]” At Lily’s request, he creased his brows, turning to the various snacks on the table –“[color=cyan]Um, sure. I can get you a donut from over there?[/color]” Lily looked down on her wounds. Scars. She has a big one on the back of her head, why would small ones the arm and wrist wound would probably leave matter? She walked over to a seat and sat back down, nodding slightly at the offer of her favorite treat. [color=lightcoral]"Thanks,"[/color] she muttered, staring down at the wounds the two boys seem to want so much. Sander waited a beat, hoping that Lily would reconsider her decision. She didn’t. Then there was nothing he could really do about it –“[color=cyan]If that’s what you want.[/color]” -He mumbled, frowning slightly, but thought better than to voice whatever going through his head at the moment. He walked over to the plate of donuts, picked out several different varieties and placed them in a smaller plate. With that done, he carried the plate over and placed them in front of Lily. His movements were still slightly sluggish, but his eyes were alert as he settled back down on his seat, gaze lingered on Christmas. [color=lightcoral]"Heehee, thanks,"[/color] Lily gave Sander a half hearted grin coupled with a half hearted giggle. She looked down at the small plate and picked up the chocolate covered ring. [color=lightcoral]'Hmmm hmmm..."[/color] she hummed softly as she bit into it, trying to ignore the still persistent voices and avoiding looking at the open wound. How to fix, how to fix. His hands pulled and gripped each other to the rhythm of his one thought. He was just being silly--had been the whole time. Christmas knew how to fix it. But like every other decision that mattered, he always veered towards the path of least resistance. It reflected in every "Bad End" he never paid attention to in shallow video game realities where his every choice mattered--but remained ultimately worthless. Just code in a program. Consequences he could ignore, unlike the consequences he [i]couldn't[/i] ignore now. [color 8493ca][i]Just let me do something right,[/i][/color] he finished the thought he had failed to tell Lily earlier, as if saying it in his head would count. He wanted his choice in this reality to matter, too. [color 8493ca][i]Please listen to me.[/i][/color] He slid his chair back, standing up with a slow, unsteady push. The tall man from before was still turned around, busy with the screens. An wavering gait took him several steps towards the figure, close enough that he could cover the distance easily when all he wanted to do was sit down and hide away. He didn't want any of this, least of all the sudden injuries he had inflicted on someone else. It felt wrong. Immensely wrong. Like leaving it alone would make it his fault this girl he barely knew was cut and stabbed on his behalf when [i]this was what his power demanded[/i]. He wanted to think that there was meaning to it. That if he took the consequences of his powers "correctly," it would sort him out somehow, and that if he didn't, he was inherently [i]wrong[/i]. Stupid thoughts, but they had already settled deep into his mind and grown roots; one more irrational fear in the sea of anxiety that was every part of him he couldn't bear to let go. And worst of all he feared that sudden kindness forced upon him. It was too much for him out of the blue. Like he had been given a mountain when he hadn't even asked for a speck of dirt on the molehill. The scope of it terrified him--he knew he didn't deserve it and he knew he wanted to let her keep the injuries anyway. Easy outs. Easy lure back into old habits. He was trying. He wanted to believe that as he stood behind the tall supervisor. [color 8493ca]"Um..."[/color] He could barely hear himself. As soon as the blond boy stood up from his seat, Sander followed suit, though it was obvious he wasn’t quite sure what to do. He just dogged the boy’s steps, staying within arm reach, but never did reach out. Christmas hardly registered the accompanying movement, focused as he was on not losing his nerve. Fredric wouln't have noticed the pair's approach had it not been for the guard beside him. The guard tensed and turned to face them, looking past Christmas with eye on Sander. He was smiling before he even turned around, though it slightly faltered upon seeing the state of the boy before him. He didn't seem to mind that Sander was there as he peered curiously down at the youth. His eyes fell on the missing injuries. [color f7976a]"How're you holdin' up, Mr. Halvost?"[/color] [color 8493ca]"...I'm...okay,"[/color] Christmas's hands continued pulling on each other. [color 8493ca]"I just..."[/color] he fumbled for the words, [color 8493ca]"f-forgot to heal someone. I'm sorry."[/color] It wasn't how his power worked at all. And he knew they knew. They had known about the change in his abilities when he had only just come to terms with it himself. But it was enough as an explanation, he hoped. Sander frowned at his roommate’s words, but he chose to say nothing, instead just hovering by Christmas’ shoulder, eyes flickered between his roommate and Fredric. [color f7976a]"Ah,"[/color] he pulled his knife from his pocket with a flourishing spin. [color f7976a]"You want my knife?"[/color] He tossed it back and forth between his hands, eyes fixed on Christmas. [color 8493ca][i]No.[/i][/color] But Christmas nodded instead. “[color=cyan]Do you think this is necessary?[/color]” –Sander’s frown only deepened as he looked at the knife in the staff mage’s hand. Fredric held the knife still and his smile widened. He refrained from handing it over. Instead, he flipped the blade out and examined the edge. [color f7976a]"Who did you forget to heal, Mr. Halvost?"[/color] [color 8493ca]"...Lily...?"[/color] he said it like a question, unsure if that was the right name he had caught earlier. Looking past him, Fredric stared at the small blonde teen, humming and nibbling away at her donuts. The same black mask Christmas had seen him don in the hospital appeared. Christmas flinched at the sight, taking half a step backwards in surprise. But he held his breath and waited for the small shock to pass. It helped that he had at least seen it before. The mask vanished as he looked back to Christmas. With yet another playful flourish, he held the handle of the knife out for the boy to take. [color f7976a]"Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, Mr. Halvost,"[/color] he said cryptically, smile unfaltering. Christmas took the knife, watching the ceiling lights shine off the blade's clean surface and jitter in its reflection as his hand trembled with the weapon in his grip. "[color=cyan]Are you sure you want to do this?[/color]" -Sander crossed his arms, moving to stand next to the blond boy -"[color=cyan]Lily made her choice.[/color]" [color 8493ca][i]Why is it just Lily? Why don't my choices matter, too?[/i][/color] He had almost forgotten Sander was right behind him and was now right beside him, the pocket knife in his hand a concrete exaction. Overwhelmingly concrete, like it was all he could do here. "[color=cyan]I...don't think this is a good idea.[/color]" -Sander moved closer still, his tone almost pleading -"[color=cyan]Look, if you are really concerned about Lily, I can ask her to transfer the wounds to me. I told you. I can heal on my own.[/color]" A quiet cough emitted from the smaller boy, and he shook his head. Another cough followed, and underneath it was that half-laugh of a noise he had made earlier, the imcomplete sounds not a comprehensible answer to Sander's suggestion. Instead, he pressed the flat of the blade against his left palm, uncertain footsteps moving him away from the tall man and towards Lily's seat. When he reached her, he took a long breath, right hand gripping the knife hard enough to worsen the tremors. Christmas closed his left hand on the blade and pulled the edge across the palm with his right hand, wincing with the fresh sting and doing his best to not cry out again. Rapid, quiet gasps instead and the prickling of tears in his eyes. His hand was in front of Lily's face, moving on his decision this time. The cut was shallow, and blood welled up slowly on his palm. [color 8493ca]"...Just...let me do this right,"[/color] he managed that, at least. Lily wasn't paying any more attention to Christmas or Sander or anyone else for that matter. She stared blankly at the monitors, her spirit gone, her mood having plummeted a few minutes earlier. She nibbled absentmindedly at her donut, the fun of eating it gone. When Christmas came back towards her, she didn't look up and she didn't bother acknowledging his presence. But when his hand moved in front of her face, she narrowed her eyes at the shallow cut on his palm. She frowned. [color=lightcoral]"Just can't let it go, can you?"[/color] she muttered. [i]You should have made him regret it. He wants pain. You should have given it to him.[/i] [color=lightcoral][i]Yeah, maybe I should have.[/i][/color] She stared at the bloody hand, obviously offered to her. [color=lightcoral]"No,"[/color] she said, wrinkling her nose in disgust. It was the same irony scent from the battle... she had no choice but to drink his blood once, she wasn't planning on doing it again. She reached up and batted his hand away. [color=lightcoral]"No,"[/color] she repeated before she turned away, determined to ignore the boy. She considered using her powers to take this newly inflicted wound again. Just to spite him. The swat jarred the fresh wound and Christmas whimpered a bit in response. He withdrew the hand, watching Lily refuse to take the heal. His eyes moved over the half-eaten donut on the plate to the scatter of snacks down the table's length, thinking again when he already knew the answer he didn't want to finalize. Another quiet cough and the air shimmered around him, the glassy mist sliding slowly forth from his injury. Where Lily was, right beside him, the effects caught her swiftly, closing the light wounds on her hand and arm. Before it could spread any further than them, he let go of the power, dissipating it and wobbling slightly on his feet. [color 8493ca][i]Why don't my choices matter, too?[/i][/color] Sander only let out an exasperated sigh, oblivious to the scene behind him –“[color=cyan]Aren’t you going to get him some help?[/color]” –He asked –“[color=cyan]And I am not just talking about his hand.[/color]” The towering staff mage shook his head with a heavy sigh, [color f7976a]"The mind can be a treacherous place, Aberration or no. We can't help someone who won't help himself, Mr. Lorraine."[/color] “[color=cyan]Just like how you couldn’t make innocent children fight each other?[/color]” – Despite what his words implied, Sander’s tone had neither the bitter sarcasm nor the biting hostility that could often be found when dealing with an Aberration. If anything, he seemed resigned. Forlorn. Like someone who was talking about the stormy weather –“[color=cyan]I don’t think that’s how it works here. Please don’t say we ever had a choice.[/color]” “[color=cyan]…Sorry.[/color]” -He began, after a short pause –“[color=cyan]I just thought—[/color]“ -His head whipped back suddenly, as the savoury scents filled the air once more. [color f7976a]"I'm no therapist,"[/color] Fredric replied, a hint of tiredness in his voice, [color f7976a]"But I can say there are some things you don't want the government meddling with when it comes to mages. You may disagree, but you all have choices. The game was to take flags and healers. We didn't command Ms. Bloodworth to cut off her own limbs. We didn't tell you to hurt Ms. Webb. Have a chat with Ms. Hazel Baker if you'd like to see what happens when you don't even have the illusion of choice."[/color] He observed the exchange between Lily and Christmas with reserved intrigue. Lily looked down on her arm and wrist and watched the wound stitch itself up under the effects of the boy's power. She should have been thankful for the pain relief. But instead, she felt annoyed. She whipped out her thread and took Christmas' palm wound. [color=lightcoral]"We can continue doing this the whole day, you know,"[/color] she said. Christmas's thoughts were a little fuzzy. Just a smidge. Blurred around the edges from sifting through himself so much in a matter of minutes and trying to pick out the parts he thought he could use, hiding the rest of it away somewhere he couldn't see. The rolling momentum of events had been draining, in more ways than one, and his face was blank as he watched Lily take the fresh cut on his palm. Static in his mind, and this time there were no hornets and heat to replace confusion and distress with [i]something he didn't want to see.[/i] Tired of the song and dance and trying to reason with himself on every step and movement. Trying, trying, because he thought he had managed something right on a slip of a smile but now even that was taken from him. Choices made for him. Validation turned vanity. He was supposed to have left the uncertainty behind, but instead he had brought everything and the kitchen sink along. [color 8493ca][i]Why won't she just listen to me?[/i][/color] Wrong. [color 8493ca][i]Why won't--don't I just listen to me?[/i][/color] He turned the knife's edge towards his throat, nearly contacting skin as his hand continued shaking, though whether he [i]could[/i] do what he threatened was an entirely different matter. At the very least, he didn't think she would take the potential injury he was holding to ransom. If she wouldn't hear him, he needed to be louder. [quote][i][color f7976a]"As if you could."[/color] A kind laugh followed, and every intonation was a hidden jeer. But he sounded so gentle Christmas couldn't disagree.[/i][/quote] [color 8493ca]"No...I can't,"[/color] he said softly. [color 8493ca]"Just please,"[/color] and he almost sighed the rest of his quiet request away. [color 8493ca]"give it back."[/color] Lily's frown deepened. She stood up and snatched the knife away from Christmas, keeping it out of the boy's reach in case he tried to take it back. [color=lightcoral]"What the heck is wrong with you? You're completely nuts."[/color] With her irritation came several voices in her head egging her to hurt the boy. This time, she didn't fight it. But she exerted a bit of an effort not to give back more than what she took. The black thread fastened itself on Lily's and Christmas' wrists, transferring what the blonde teen took back to the boy. [color=lightcoral]"There. Satisfied?"[/color] she asked, eyes flashing but at the same time feeling a great relief as the voices in her head finally fell silent. Christmas simply nodded in response, eyes on the thin cut returned to his palm--a choice made to matter and it had taken him everything to make someone listen. He wanted to go back to his pointless games where his choices meant nothing, but the program at least heard him. Sander merely gave the taller man a blank look that said he was far from convinced, but he didn’t offer any more argument on the topic. He was not keen on sinking into a conversation that could make his Stigma spiral out of control –“[color=cyan]T-They…[/color]” -His voice cracked a little as he began, so he stopped, swallowing the lump that had formed in his throat –“[color=cyan]He’s bleeding.[/color]” -He gestured to where Christmas and Lily was, obviously uncomfortable. Fredric had been eyeing the knife in Christmas's hand carefully, catching the boy's unsteady movements and lack of commitment to the projected neck injury. The nearby guards were already tense, but Fredric held up a hand to stop them, his mask snapping into existence on his face again. He remained still, watching the two healers struggle with their own demons until Lily snatched the knife out of Christmas's hand and transferred the injury back. Between two medics who both needed to hurt themselves to heal, it was the broken boy from a broken household who wanted it more--dangerously so. He pitied Christmas, but as the tension subsided in that corner of the room, his mask flickered away into nonexistence and he turned back to Sander with a resigned smile. [color f7976a]"Quite an observation,"[/color] he laughed faintly, signaling for one of the paramedics. The same woman from before busied herself with cleaning and bandaging the new injury, moving Christmas towards the side of the room for some space as she worked. From his place in front of the main control panel, Fredric watched the boy point at his right arm, muttering something briefly. The medic looked to him, mouth open to call for his attention when she realized Fredric was already watching. He simply nodded and she turned back to Christmas, removing the bandages around his right hand and upper arm. The injuries there were indeed gone. That done, Fredric kept an eye on Christmas as the blank-eyed healer stumbled back to his original seat and sank into the chair, head bowed and shoulders low, looking entirely defeated. Just a Pyrrhic victory over Lilianna. The boy had lost more than he had gained trying to hold on to some meager proof of agency, and the small girl was already beelining for Sander. Sander stayed put, fear flashed briefly behind his eyes. He took a few shaky steps forward, before seemingly thought better and stopped himself. Thoughts warred with each other in his mind, but in the end, he swatted them all away, opting to just stay where he was until Christmas had been fully patched up. Even then, he stalled, shifting his weight from one foot to another before he finally relented and headed back to his seat. Lily sought out Sander and glared at him as soon as her eyes fell on him. She gestured towards Christmas angrily. [color=lightcoral]"I said make him right., not make him cuckoo,"[/color] she accused, placing the blame on what happened on Sander. She stomped away and sank back into her seat, taking her unfinished donut and biting into it savagely. Sander merely gave her an apologetic look before settling back down on his seat. There could be no more dozing though, when his mind had begun vomiting out broken thoughts like a miserable drunk. He sighed, focusing his gaze back on the flickering screens, but occasionally, he couldn’t help sneaking a glance at both Lily and his roommate. Before any more landmines were stepped on for the day, Fredric sauntered over to Lily's seat, taking his knife from her hands with a smile and a flourish--cleaning the blade off with a nearby napkin and snapping it shut--before pocketing both and walking away. Lily looked up at Fredric, belatedly realizing that she was still gripping the knife she had snatched away from Christmas. When it was taken from her, she merely looked at the man, shrugged and then turned back to her treat. Fredric didn't return to the screens just yet, though, his even, measured strides taking him quickly to where Christmas sat without giving off the impression of a rushed approach. The boy didn't seem to notice his presence, and Fredric didn't seem to mind. The lanky man pulled the knife back out of his pocket, placing it soundlessly on the desk in front of Christmas, directly in the boy's line of sight. Christmas looked up at that, eyes not quite seeing Fredric. It didn't take a psychologist to tell the teenager was straining to remain mentally present. And tearing at the seams. He didn't want to push the boy at this point, so Fredric kept it short. [color f7976a]"I believe Daisy said it best, Mr. Halvost. ...Christmas."[/color] He watched the boy blink once. [color f7976a]" 'Make good choices.' "[/color] Sparing just a second longer to watch the healer look back down at the desk--and now the knife--Fredric nodded once to Sander in greeting before heading back to his original position at the front of the room, turning around to face the screens once more. It was a bygone conclusion when Christmas's shivering fingers wrapped themselves around the still-warm grip of the closed pocket knife. The pale hand retreated under the table with the weapon and the small boy let the static in his mind overwhelm him again. Sander's gaze lingered a touch longer when he spotted the knife, but he didn't stop the shaky hand that reached out. "[color=cyan]If that is what you want...[/color]" -He mumbled the familiar words, suppressing a sigh.