Okay, since this is a lot of CS’s to review at once, I’m gonna break each review up into hiders to save space.

[@Redmarshmellow]
[hider=Talia Nitro Review]
We have a number of concerns with your character, focused mostly on her history, personality, and her interests. To start with, your character is an obsessive gamer with ADHD, and very little is mention of her school or social life. How does she maintain excellent grades and social skills when she is essentially a NEET? There is too little here on her social life, school, or family life, and too much on her career in gaming. Her entire character revolves around gaming, there is not a single aspect that is not related, in some way, shape, or form, to video games. This is simply not realistic, even in people who have ADD and ADHD.

In addition, your character’s way of living with her ADHD doesn’t seem like ADHD at all. People with attention deficit disorders have a problem with focus, they either are not focused at all, or hyper focus on one thing, making it difficult to get other things done. I know this because my mother has lived with ADD her whole life, and I have attention deficit problems myself. The way you frame your character’s disorder makes it seem more like she’s completely obsessed and fixated on video games in a way that isn’t healthy. The kind of stim she appears to be seeking from them seems more akin to an obsessive-compulsive behavior or mild autism. 

Your character’s ADHD also conflicts with her personality, and there are other conflicting issues here. How can she be calm and hyper at the same time? That is not possible. Some people with hyper personalities do have lulls of calm, and sometimes people with calm personalities can be very enthusiastic. But generally, they are polar opposite personalities. Please pick one or the other, but not both. 

Next issue also relates to her ADHD. She has it and her obsession with video games, but has no problems whatsoever with school work? How is this possible? Is she receiving therapy, medication, and tutoring? Please either specify how your character is living with her disorder and obsession or lower her grades and social skills to a more plausible level.

Another issue is with her parents and background. She’s the daughter of a wealthy game retailer, yet they live above one of their game stores? This isn’t Yu-Gi-Oh. Please give them an actual house more fitting to their means, or give a reason why they would be so frugal. Also, her parents constant neglect of her seems to be the reason why she developed an obsession with gaming in the first place. Why then, when their daughter becomes depressed, do they decide to send her to an incredibly demanding private boarding school with no mention of supports for her disability or her depression? This does not fit with the earlier characterization of her parents as too busy to have time for her. Why waste $30,000 on boarding school when she’s more likely than not to fail? Also, how did she get diagnosed with ADHD if her parents have no time for her? Please elaborate.

On the issue of her sexuality, can you please clarify? Is she bisexual? Asexual? Aromantic bisexual? Straight? Please explain her sexuality in a way that is clearer and more concise.

Finally, on the issue of her gaming career. How was a 10-year old able to host an e-sports tournament all by herself? I don’t know what your history is, but when I was ten, I could barely handle neopets and club penguin at the same time, much less organize, advertise, and run a prominent gaming tournament. How did a 12-year old win e-tournaments? Moreover, how did a 12-year old win these professional e-sports tournaments AND keep up well in her studies AND keep a good social life at the same time? It would be impossible for a functioning adult to do all three, much less a 12-year old with ADHD, and no mention of any supports. Moreover, why did losing an e-sports match make her become so depressed and drawn in? Even real athletes don’t respond to losing in this way. I can understand a childish sore-loser temperament, but if she loves gaming so much, why would she then abandon this career?

All in all, your character is too one note with her interests, history, and personality. To fix this character, I would completely rework her history to either make her less adept at gaming, or give her realistic consequences for spending all her time obsessed with video games.  I would also make her ADHD more realistic and expand on how it affects her, or change it to an obsessive-compulsive behavior or mild autism. I would also fix the contradictions in her family life and personality, and diversify her interests so that she has other things than video games in her life. Your character needs heavy edits, but is still salvageable. However, we cannot accept her as she is. Please edit your CS, and we will review it again.
[/hider]

[@Ryik]
[hider=Kaison Locke Review]
You asked for it, here it is. 
First off, remove the “weeb” terminology in your character’s personality, please. There is no “Japan” in this world, though there are countries that are similar to it. If your character has an avid interest in foreign media and games, specify. If you would like permission to create a country that he can have an avid interest in the media they produce, PM us and we can discuss this.

Next off, the issue of your character’s backstory. I’m not gonna comment on killing off the mom, since that seems like a running trope a lot of characters lives. (You guys can form a “My Mom is Dead” club! :D) Instead my issue is with the father. From the sounds of it, your character’s father was a drunkard before the boys were even toddlers. How did he take care of his infant children when he was 1) Drunk constantly and 2) Running a business? Was the business affected by his drunken stupor? Surely his employers or board of directors would have a problem with a constantly inebriated employee. Please give more specifics as to their father’s depression and addiction, and also give them a figure that raised them. Given their wealth, a nanny or stewardess would be appropriate.

In addition, if he’s still a depressed drunk as the boys grow up, are they not concerned or attached to their father at all? He’s clearly an individual who needs help. Upon becoming teenagers, his sons should know that their father needs help. Please give them more of a reactive connection to their father. Who would abandon a family member in need of help to go off on an adventure? That goes beyond carefree and irresponsible to downright apathetic. 

Lastly, this is a request from the GM’s personally, but we want Kaison’s brother to be one year younger. We do not want him attending the academy at the same time as his brother. This is to prevent something we’ve all seen happen in RPs over the years, and it’s something we call ‘character smuggling”. Essentially, a player creates a character, and gives them a static NPC that they’re very close to, a sibling, parent, child, or best friend. The player then plays the static character in a way that would make them a main character. In essence, the player has smuggled in 2 characters for the price of 1. In the most egregious case we’ve seen, a player managed to smuggle 2 separate siblings in his CS, which he then played as 3 characters. This was in an RP where the rule was 1 character per player.  We do not want this, and Kaison’s brother attending the academy and the same time he does dangerously toes this line. We are not saying you need to remove the brother entirely, but please do not have them attend at the same time. Either make the brother a year younger, or have him rejected from the academy, I don’t care. But I do not want them both attending.

With that being said, please remove the erroneous terminology in your CS, give the children and their father more backstory, and remove the brother from the academy. We will review your CS again after these changes have been made.
[/hider]

[@Hippo AF]
[hider=Draco Winroe]
To start off with, his history. Child abuse. I have to ask, does that seem fitting in a slice of life RP to you? It’s in the rules that torture is not allowed in a character’s backstory. Constant beatings classify as torture. Remove this entirely.

Next off, the parents. If they were known for their connections to an underground black market, and INFAMOUS for this, then your character would most certainly not be allowed at the academy. Having the son of an infamous pair of criminals would be a blemish on St. Fortuna’s name. If the public didn’t know of their criminal activity, that would be one thing, but in that case, they wouldn’t be infamous, would they? Please change this.

If his uncle knew about his parents misdeeds and beating their child, why would he not get the police to intervene? If he loves his nephew, surely it’s worth blemishing the business name to stop him from getting beaten constantly? Its not like you can explain away severe bruises and broken bones on a child to  “oh, he fell down the stairs”. At this point, the uncle is completely irrelevant to anything in the history.

Lastly, there is no reason or way for Draco to be attending the academy, other than revenge. Why would his parents, who beat him up so often, send him to a prestigious magical academy? Why not just lock him in a basement and beat him some more? Why give him the skills to take them down?

Also, solitary is not a food. Please reread the rules, and change your password.

All in all, you must redo this character’s entire history. Child abuse is against the rules, and I’m being nice to you by giving you a chance to redo it. If he continues to have child abuse in his backstory, your CS will be rejected.
[/hider]

[@Natsu]
[hider=Robert Allen review]
One small error. In where is says “Mage or Familiar”, you put male. I’m going to assume you meant mage, and otherwise do not imply that you have fully harnessed the power of testosterone.

In the event that that is true, *trumpets sound* Congratulations! You’re accepted! Your magic is a complicated one, Weather Magic! Your character can harness the power of weather, to change its form and use it to their advantage! A difficult magic to master for sure, weather magic is rather weak for beginners, with most hardly able to conjure a slight change. However, as you grow more skilled, you can summon or banish powerful storms, increase the duration of your magic’s effects, and even wield the destructive forces of nature under your very fingertips! Zeus trembles before you! 
[/hider]

[@Republic]
[hider=Ngiwan Ziajk Liep Review]
Okay, the first and biggest thing is what makes me mad the most. You world built. You didn’t even PM us to ask if it was okay to create a new country, you just went ahead and did it. You made a wholly new country. If you will look at every other character accepted, they are all from Prydain. If you wanted a new country to be from, you should have PM’d us and discussed it. So no, no way jose. Remove that entirely. You get to be from Prydain. Remove everything having to do with this unapproved country.

Also, your character was born a paraplegic. Merriam-Webster defines paraplegic as “partial or complete paralysis of the lower half of the body with involvement of both legs that is usually due to injury or disease of the spinal cord in the thoracic or lumbar region.” Specify on whether he has complete paralysis or not, because if it is complete, then he will not be able to use crutches. In addition, most mobile paraplegics and wheelchair bound people have developed immense upper body strength, due to their need to use their arms to move their chair. If that were the case, your character would not be thin and frail. Please correct this.

In addition, his frugality is never explained. Why? Give a reason for it. Also, give a reason why his overprotective parents would let him go to a boarding school.

Lastly, the problem of Oriental. Oriental means eastern, and is sometimes used as a slur to refer to people from east asia. Not only that, but although there are countries that resemble asian cultures in this world, you do not know where that are. They could be north, souther, east or west of Prydain. You are still world building here. Stop that.

In conclusion, your character needs to be almost entirely rewritten. Remove all world building, and make him from Prydain. Get rid of the offensive terminology. Specify his disability, and give him more upper body strength. We will review your CS when it’s re-written.
[/hider]

[@onenote]
[hider=Nancy Jones review]
This is the worst CS I’ve seen in my life. You suck. Get out of my RP. (JK, I love you~)
[/hider]