Okay, everything you've said is fine, if phrased with a bit much melodrama for my tastes. That is, provided you're 100% willing to accept that this means it might not be easy for you to play in the RP.

I guarantee this isn't going to be the last time some situation comes up that throws off your writing process, and if your commitment to not finding a reason to do something for the sake of going along with the game or anything like that or even planning around developments you didn't expect or working with other players is as absolute as you're implying, you're going to have problems like these that none of us will really be able to help you fix.

As long as you're cool with recognizing that you're creating additional challenges for yourself and making things harder, you do you.

Granted, I may have misunderstood you and if that's the case sorry, but eh.